The Retribution of Hurt
by ElectricEnchantment
Summary: When Arthur and Gwen reveal news, Morgana takes a blow to the heart. Arguments and heartbreak arise, whilst Gwaine crumbles to a vulnerable Morgana's embrace. Jealousy takes over as Morgana gets intimate with Arthur, will anything be the same? MERLIN AU
1. Chapter 1

**[ This is my first AU Merlin story. I started it a while ago since I was having writers block with my other Merlin story but I decided to post it anyway. My first Merlin fic is my priority but I will update this one regulalry- I'm a woman, I can multi-task. ;) Anyway, the first chapter is rather short since it was basically a trail run, let me know what you all think and if you would like me to continue. I'll give a quick synopsis since had limited characters. -.- I'm so over this limit on writing everywhere, anyway:**

**When Arthur and Gwen reveal their wonderful news, terror arises for one Morgana. Heartbreak enfolds and jealousy rages the mind, making tragedies occur. An infatuated Gwaine crumbles at Morgana's embrace, whilst one Arthur divuldges the temptation to be unfaithful with his heart's desire. Treachery, lies and heartbreak unfold as the envious streak takes over. Will there the friendsip stand? Or shatter in this Retribution of Hurt.**

**R&R! :D 3 ]**

**Chapter 1**

_ "Infatuated Fool."_

The brisk night air sailed through her window, as her frail fingers pulled the white pane closed. Lavishly looking at herself in the mirror, she ran her fingers through her long, thick black hair before she grabbed her long grey cardigan that was draped over a stool and silver handbag that was hooked around the handle of the door before finally she left the room. Morgana made her way down the staircase of her small home, digging in her bag as she went, finding her mobile phone, she pulled it out and glanced at it, checking to see did she have any messages or missed calls from any of her friends, but thankfully she didn't. It was dawning on eight o'clock, and Arthur had told everyone to be at his house for this time, but they all knew Morgana liked to be fashionably late. Getting herself into a fluster, she tugged on her cardigan whilst slipping around the tiled floor in her hallway in search of her shoes. _"Dammit..." _She muttered to herself whilst she ran into her living room in search of them. Thankfully she found her black boots and tugged them on forcefully before grabbing her house keys and slipping out of the house, at last.

Sadly, her car was in getting repaired, since had drove it her garage door yesterday trying to avoid running over her neighbours troublesome cat, of course everyone found this utterly hilarious and blamed her terrible driving and bad case of 'road rage' on the accident, which obviously wasn't the case, in fact the incident wasn't at all funny in the slightest, since she now had a large dent in her white garage door and now the automatic opening switch no longer worked.

Thankfully, Arthur didn't live that far away but she she was positive she would be the last to arrive due to only leaving the house at the expected time. Her heels clicked melodically against the pavement, as she sighed, seeing her white frosty breath swirl out in front of her, as she gave a slight shiver- it was early November and Winter was definitely here, she only wished she'd worn another three layers for body warmth. She pondered in her mind what exactly Arthur might depict as so urgent that everyone need attend his house, everyone had got a text or a phone call this morning from him, he had said to be at his house for eight o'clock, since he had a huge surprise to tell everyone. Of course Merlin had begged him to tell but he wouldn't, and Lancelot claimed that we just have some patience whereas Gwaine wasn't the slightest bit bothered, just as long as there was food.

The night air was frosty and cold, as though snow was perhaps lingering to fall in the weeks to come- the lawns in which Morgana passed were a frosted white, the winter captivating every living thing. She shivered once again, her teeth rattling in her mouth as she let a small sigh out with cold. Somehow Arthur's house seemed farther away, her fingers were numb and growing painful as the cold seeped in, engrossing her bare skin like a sponge being absorbed by water. "How much further..." She sighed angrily, wanting to get into Arthur's home as soon as possible, to warm up- heat and warmth; it was a delightful thought, it enticed her closer and even made her fasten her pace, as if Arthur's heated home was only mere inches away.

It was quite lonely out here at night, on the deserted street where an endless lane of houses lay- it was even as far as eerie, but she felt safe, having lived her for a little over a six months she knew the area, it was filled with nice people who went about doing their daily activities, people who smiled and greeted as they passed- typical old men that mowed the grass on good Saturday afternoons, and young women who walked their children to school with happy expressions on cold Monday mornings- no one meant any harm here.

"Finally..." Morgana sighed half-heartedly as she turned the corner and saw Arthur's home up ahead, she could make out Guinevere's car parked up on the pavement since Merlin's and Arthur's cars surppressed the drive, a little way down the road she even saw Lancelot's fine black Mercedes parked neater than the rest- but no sign of Gwaine yet.

The lawn was simple, and square, with a bench just under the living room window, it would be a tight squeeze to the front door, having to slip past all the cars. It was when Morgana saw another figure approach that she froze, and glanced at the nearing person.

Head hanging down, looking at his brown leather shoes that pounded off the pavement, he brought a hand through his scraggy dark hair raising his head to see a familiar face and his lips broke into a smile. "Morgana." Gwaine beamed, happy to see his friend- he hated walking into social events by himself, it was terribly awkward even if they were all close friends. "By the looks of it, we're the last ones here." Gwaine half-laughed as he stopped to catch-up with her.

"God..." He thought. "Why does she have to be so breath-taking?" The silent thoughts echoed in his mind, like an abyss of something that was constantly missing, a hole that lingered in his chest, that felt more empty and hollow whenever he looked at her. When he met her gaze he felt as though a thousand doves had been set free in the pit of his stomach, overwhelmed of how someone could look so beautiful, all of the time. And to keep his cool- that was another great mission, he wasn't one to go throwing his feelings around willy-nilly, even to confess his affections to a woman was not something he was used to doing, no- Gwaine never fell in love. Normally he was used to playing women, one night-stands that meant nothing or casual make-out sessions on coffee breaks. Women dropped to _his_ mercy, _they_ fell in love with_ him_- they were caught and infatuated by his handsome features, whilst he was just a womanizer that gave into his casual needs and constant pleasures- for him to confess his love for Morgana would perhaps make him seem like an idiot, a lovesick prat- being made fun of because he admitted his feelings- no, he couldn't bare that.

But, he was so lost now by her presence that he had barely realised she was still here, bewilderment had washed over him- what had she said? Her voice was so melodic, all her words ran into one delightful sound that brought wonder to his ears- how could he possibly take any heed of the meaning? "Huh..?" He said, absent mindedly, unaware that he looked like an idiot right now. "What?" Morgana said, her beautiful pale face now scrunched in confusion, mixed in with that wonderful smile of hers. "I said it's not like you to be late." She laughed, her laugh would awaken the coldest of hearts- it melted his anyway, his eyes now turning to that of a puppy- large and dark and full of awe.

He coughed loudly, trying to man-up a bit- trying to keep his composure, his strong macho-like disposition. "Right... Yeah." He fumbled out through another cough, a deeper one. "We best be getting inside- you know what Arthur's like." Gwaine half-laughed, throwing his eyes in the air, he wanted so much to just be around her, but he couldn't- not unless he wanted to make a complete and utter fool of himself, or worse- have something slip out- a feeling, an emotion in regards to the way he felt about Morgana- no; she was already raising an eyebrow to his actions now, imagine if he lingered out here with her for five minutes more- she might be seen fleeing down the street, or be in hysterics of laughter at his foolishness. "Right." She smiled, brushing off his odd behaviour, before she led the way to the front door, squeezing past as her numb fingers clutched her bag- and finally Gwaine balled his hand into a fist and sharply thumped his knuckles on the stained-glass of the door.


	2. Chapter 2 Suffocating in a Sea of Love

**Authors Note:**

_I'm sorry for the long delay in posting for this chapter. I'm so pleased with the amount of story alerts I got for this story! This chapter is much longer than the first and I hope you all enjoy it, chapter 3 is already underway. :) Please R&R! _

**Chapter 2**

"_Suffocating in a Sea of Love."_

"Finally!" Arthur mused as pulled open his front door, he rolled his eyes before stepping back to allow them in. "I had to walk." Morgana commented with a smirk as she stepped over the threshold, Gwaine at her heel. "Oh, that's right Morgana- sorry- sorry you actually had to use your legs because you drove your own car into your garage door." Arthur replied sardonically before he greeted Gwaine, as Morgana made a face before making her way into Arthur's wide living room, cradled and cozy-looking with the brown leather sofas and vibrant red and orange cushions.

"Morgana." Guinevere beamed, jumping up from her seat beside Lancelot to greet her friend; she gave her a quick hug. "You're freezing." Guinevere fussed, taking her hands and giving them a light squeeze, but Morgana pulled them away immediately and told her not to panic, before she strode over to the blazing fire to get some heat.

"Come on, come on!" Gwaine mused as he threw himself down on one of the brown leather sofa beside Merlin. "Don't keep us all in suspense." He grinned like that of a small child getting a chocolate bar, as Morgana furrowed her brows at him before sitting down at the other side of Merlin.

"Right!" Arthur grinned, almost echoing Gwaine's expression, smiling like a Cheshire cat as he took his seat beside Guinevere again, Lancelot suddenly feeling very awkward and regretted not moving over beside the other three.

"We've all gathered you here, to make an announcement." Arthur explained, as Gwaine rolled his eyes in being kept waiting, whilst Lancelot watched Arthur's every movement. "Guinevere and I…" He began steadily, as Merlin eyes flashed with excitement. Morgana gazed around the room, what was so interesting? But she realized she hadn't really been paying attention.

"Are engaged." Arthur concluded, the room erupted into small cheers, and within seconds Morgana realized she was alone on the second sofa, as Gwaine and Merlin had left to go hug Guinevere and Arthur along with Lancelot. Had she heard that correctly?

Suddenly, the cold stab of jealousy made for her stomach, she flinched, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit, as her eyes grew wide and sorrowful. _No!_ She cried internally, watching everyone grin harmoniously to Arthur and Guinevere, who laughed and cheered.

There was Guinevere, lapping up all this attention, rolling in the joyous momentum of being Arthur's fiancée, everyone was so happy for _her_. When Morgana just had the urge to get up and slap her rather than embrace her, to squeal at how unfair it was, and to admit that the throbbing pain in her chest was really there, and that she wasn't just imagining it.

Soon, after what felt like hours past; when really only seconds- she found the room had grown steadily silent and everyone's eyes were upon her. She moved uncomfortably, her mouth growing dry, lost for words- what was she supposed to do? Claim she was _so _happy for them? Because in truth she wasn't. Guinevere had stolen Arthur from her, as foolish as it seemed to think that now, that they had been going out for over two years, but she always awaited the evening when Guinevere would give her _that_ call of despair and sadness to reveal that her and Arthur had broken up- but it never came, instead she was confronted by _this_ monstrosity.

Morgana had never willingly revealed her ghastly feelings for Arthur, he was always so infatuated with _that thing_ on the chair, beside him- gloating and grinning like a right idiot. Although even though her feelings were never revealed it did not mean to say they weren't there, she had been utterly heartbroken when Guinevere revealed they were dating, and she had to pretend she was so joyous for her friends then, she couldn't bare it a second time.

They're eyes burned on her, somehow scornfully- Lancelot even looking utterly disgusted in her, that she had not uttered a word since Arthur's announcement. "Morgana…" Merlin said finally, an awkward edge to his voice.

"Are you alright?" Guinevere butted in, seeing that Morgana had suddenly gone pale and looked like death itself, she didn't look well- and the fact that she looked as though she might burst into tears if someone prodded her didn't help.

"Yes." Morgana muttered out with a forced smile and laugh after a long few seconds, she had surely made it blindly obvious now. "Are you sure?" Arthur asked, looking curious and concerned. "I'm fine…" Morgana muttered back, feeling her cheeks flush red from their staring and questions. "That's great, honestly!" Morgana tried to beam, but she couldn't make eye contact, she couldn't stay here any longer.

"I'll just go out for some air…" Morgana said finally, pulling herself off the leather sofa and strode from the room, the silence lingering.

"Is she alright?" Arthur asked curiously to Merlin, his brows furrowed to Morgana's sudden change in attitude. "I'll go see to her." Merlin nodded, before he got up and shot Arthur a grin reassurance.

Merlin might have looked like an idiot, and half the time- he was, but in situations like these he _was_ the brightest tool in the shed. It was no secret to him that Morgana had deep feelings for Arthur, he had noticed it occasionally, when they were younger and in their teens, the way she would often glance and stutter when she said something of personal feelings to him, it was clear that she had tried to reveal her affections towards him over the long transition between childhood and adulthood- but Arthur didn't notice a single signal at all- he only saw Guinevere. Merlin saw how Morgana looked at Guinevere when Arthur and she had started dating, she had sort of distanced herself from the pair for a while, he sensed she felt uncomfortable and awkward around them, and that things might never be the way they were.

Merlin knew that Arthur might _never_ return these strong feelings for Morgana, he hadn't in the past, and now he was to marry Guinevere. But what could he say to Morgana? That she would soon get her wish? He was as close to Guinevere as he was Morgana, he was happy for his friends, but deeply saddened for Morgana's sake, he simply couldn't win.

Merlin found Morgana alone outside, her arms folded as she took deep gasps of the winter air, her exhaling breath frosty and white as it vanquished into the air. The young man made a grunt to allow her to know he was here, and she turned fast when she heard it.

"Oh, it's only you." She muttered, before looking away from him again, her voice wasn't as cheery as it had been when she arrived; it was deeply grieved and saddened now.

"Come back inside, it's freezing out here." Merlin asked, throwing in a smile, although she would not see it. "I don't want to." She replied immediately, her voice shaky. "I don't feel well." She lied, knowing Merlin would only probe her with unwanted questions, which would lead her to snap at him, something she didn't wish to do at present.

"Oh, come on Morgana." Merlin sighed finally, seeing right through her pretense.

"Go back inside Merlin." Morgana snapped, irritable as to why he was here, she did not wish to go back in _there_, to have all that misery shoved in her face, and for everyone to be so joyous and accepting, whilst she would have to pretend, and she wasn't good at that; she feared she might have let too much slip already.

"I think I'll just go home." She muttered out fast, hoping Merlin hadn't left- then he could save her the bother of telling the others. "Oh come on Morgana." Merlin moaned, annoyed at her. "You've only just got here." Merlin grumbled, she might be upset- but leaving would only make things worse.

"I don't feel well." She snapped, annoyed by his moaning. "You can tell them I'll see them tomorrow or something." She spat out quickly, before she was intent of sneaking out of the drive and on the long walk home that she would be glad of, but Merlin caught her arm, making her look at him for the first time.

Morgana had never been one to show any emotion willingly, or in the view of someone else's eye, she would not cry whilst in company, and Merlin feared that she might have been out here sobbing, but thank goodness she wasn't; her face was pale, the natural blush in her cheeks lost to the defying cold. Her eyes looked pained and heavy with sorrow and her lips looked as though they would never pull another smile, but that was all.

"You feel sick for the wrong reasons." Merlin confirmed, lifting a brow, she snagged away from his grip at once. "I'm going home." She commanded through gritted teeth, annoyed; but in truth not at Merlin, more so blaming herself for the way she was reacting.

"At least come and say goodbye." Merlin pleaded, as Morgana shrugged; unnerved and wary. "Please." He begged, knowing that if she just _left_ it would look bad on her, people would realize she was unhappy for Arthur and Guinevere. "Fine." She sighed, in a slow whisper, before she shoved her way past Merlin- Merlin watched as she entered back in through the door, apparent attitude in her stride; wanting to get this over with, viewing it as a chore, as though he had just went and asked her to empty to the dishwasher.

Morgana pulled a forced smile on her lips, wishing she wouldn't have to do this; the sudden rush of discomfort washing over her.

Guinevere smiled widely when she returned, and everyone's eyes were upon her again. "So, I'm just going to go home." She began, just _waiting_ on their protest.

"Why?" Arthur asked, his brows furrowing in curiousness. _Why? _Morgana thought angrily, wanting to throttle him, or more so Guinevere- but she _had_ to stop thinking of Guinevere in such a negative way, Guinevere was her friend- it wasn't her fault if she loved Arthur- even if the thought did make her squirm and get befuddled with rage.

"I don't feel well." Morgana explained, trying to remain calm. "You looked fine earlier…" Arthur said, raising his eyebrow.

"Arthur!" Guinevere snapped, annoyed that he was questioning her. "No, no." Arthur defended. "I just meant she didn't look ill- she didn't say." Arthur tried to explain.

"Well, I didn't think I needed to explain my life story to you coming through the front door." Morgana snapped bitterly, making Arthur turn his head from Guinevere to Morgana, his mouth ajar, his eyes looking in disbelief, as Guinevere too grew silent and stared, along with Lancelot and Gwaine, they all glared at her from her sudden aggressive outburst.

"I'm sorry." Morgana lied, although annoyed that she had allowed her rage to overcome her- she just wanted to leave, why was there so many questions? "I'm just going to go home." She told them a second time, forcing an apologetic smile.

"Right." Arthur smiled, trying to forget her snapping at him. "Well, I'll give you a lift." He smiled, ready to push himself off the chair. "No, no!" Morgana said at once, backing her way out of the door. "No, I'm fine- the walk's fine, really." She told him, the thought of having to sit in a car with him- any other time she would be glad of his company, craving only him- but not now, not now that he was _engaged, _it would be like rubbing it in her face, unbearable pain that could be avoided.

"Come on; don't be stupid, it's freezing." Arthur scoffed, as he stood up, digging in his pocket for his keys. "Please." Morgana half begged. "You have guests; I'll just go- its fine." She told him, as Arthur scoffed a second time. "It's Lancelot and Gwaine Morgana, hardly guests." Arthur laughed, as Gwaine punched him in the arm, stealing his seat with a light chuckle.

"Please Arthur." She said again, her eyes full with misery and pleading and unwillingly he caught the pain in her eyes- why was it there? His humor vanished, and his brows furrowed in anxiety, staring at her pained face- what had happened? Something clearly had, she was upset about something, and she wasn't telling him- she was protesting too much about the car ride home, what was it?

He opened his mouth to speak, to ask her, maybe not here in front of the other three, but he would take her outside and ask her to confide in him, comfort her- make her misery go away, but his gaze was brought to Merlin behind her, who had finally entered from outside.

"I'll take her." Merlin half-smiled as he walked into the room, hands dug in his pockets. Morgana nodded, wanting to get out as she backed out of the room. "You'll come tomorrow night though?" Guinevere shouted after her, breaking off her chatter to Lancelot and Gwaine.

_Tomorrow?_ Morgana froze in the hallway. "Tomorrow?" She called back, walking back to the living room door. "What's tomorrow?" She questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion. "Well, we're having a party- I hope you feel better for it." Guinevere smiled back at Morgana. "Sure." Morgana said, trying to force a smile, but hating the fact that her grief would once again be rubbed in her face. "I wouldn't miss it for anything." Morgana smiled more willingly this time, meeting Guinevere's gaze, although, she would miss it for anything, _anything_ at all. She had a few shows recorded, possibly a better way to spend her Friday night than go to an engagement party, but no- she couldn't- she _had_ to go, and the thought made her groan internally.

Morgana pardoned herself out again, as Arthur watched Merlin follow. He couldn't help but notice how willingly she had stepped away with Merlin, had he done something to offend her? But Arthur couldn't recall saying or doing anything that might hurt her feelings. He would ask her tomorrow night- he promised himself that.

The car ride home was longer than usual, and silent. The awkward tension now between Merlin and Morgana became unbearable, she clutched onto the handle of the door, glaring out at the scenery buzzing by, aware that only the orange glow of the streetlamps could be seen, great orange orbs blurring by.

Merlin cleared his throat loudly, his eyes every so often shot to her, watching her. Morgana turned around, aware he was watching her, her face painted with guilt; he knew she was hiding something and she was aware of it.

"How're you feeling now?" Merlin asked, but she knew by his tone that he never bought her fake sickness to begin with. "Sick." She commented back at once, looking to him with a slight frown, but the guilt washed all aggression away. "Right…" Merlin nodded, somewhat sardonically as he looked back to the windscreen.

"Why don't you believe me?" Morgana snapped at once, glaring at Merlin now. "Well, because…" Merlin began, Morgana was shocked he wasn't even denying it. "Acting has never been one of your strengths." He said, looking to her at the corner of his eye, letting a slight laugh slip to add humor.

"Really Merlin, why on earth would I fake feeling ill?" Morgana frowned, looking away from him and to the window again, resting her chin on her fisted hand. "Oh… I don't know." Merlin began again; Morgana hadn't expected him to answer. "Maybe to get out of a sticky situation, to get out of that house, to get away from… Arthur." Merlin said, watching her from the corner of his eye again to see her reaction.

Morgana's eyes widened as she stared at her reflection in the glass. She couldn't believe her ears, how did he know? Panic flushed through her, but she quickly pulled the guilt off her face and looked to him, trying to act oblivious. "What?" She asked at once, her eyes wide with surprise. "Why on _earth_ would I want to get away from Arthur?" She asked him, shocked by his accusation.

"Because you can't bear to see him with Gwen." Merlin commented as though it were a common fact. "Merlin!" Morgana snapped, wanting him to stop. "What exactly are you getting at?" She said, anger flushing through her- if he was going to say something why didn't he just come out and say it?

"That you obviously have feelings for Arthur, it's alright Morgana- it's perfectly fine to be jealous." Merlin told her, she scoffed in disbelief- was he really saying these words? It hurt enough, without him seemingly making a joke of the entire thing.

"Stop!" She snapped at once, looking to the windscreen. "Stop!" She called again, undoing her seatbelt. "Stop the car." She snapped, ready to open the door. "Stop the car Merlin, I want out." She frowned, looking away from him now, rage apparent in her tone.

"Morgana…" Merlin said in a lighter tone than before. "It's alright, I understand." He tried to explain, he was trying to help her.

"You would _never_ understand." She snapped as she turned to glare at him, as the anger flushed through her like a hot iron. "Now let me out of this car!" She snarled, banging her hand on the dashboard.

"Morgana!" Merlin shouted, wanting her to calm down.

"How dare you!" She snapped, looking to him now. "How dare you _offer_ to drive me home, only to corner me and question me?" She snapped at him, rage clear in her voice- but he couldn't help but pick up the sadness. "Morgana, I-" Merlin tried to explain, whilst trying to keep his eyes on the road. "Only to make jokes at my expense! You know nothing- and I _do not_ have feelings for Arthur!" She snapped again, the sadness cracking through the rage, overwhelming the anger. "Stop the car!" She snarled, and something within her scared him, making him indicate left and turn in to the side of the road, where she opened the door and hopped out.

Merlin knew that she had feelings for Arthur, it was clear the entire time he knew her, he noticed the way she had looked to him, with longing eyes- and if he be entirely honest with himself, he would have seen Arthur and her end up together, because she wasn't entirely to blame- he had caught the wide eyes of adoration that Arthur _always_ had for her, and dare he say it- he could still see the glint in his eye whenever she spoke to him.

But Merlin decided to go after the love-struck Morgana, before she got herself run off by ongoing traffic. "Morgana!" He called up the dark street, they were on a main road with cars buzzing by as an alarming rate- he had thought it wise to go on a long route to her home, since he wanted to talk to her, however he hadn't anticipated for it to end up with him chasing her down the hard shoulder.

"Morgana, stop being stupid and get back in the car!" Merlin yelled, somehow begging her top get in the car, as the wind blew his hair all over the place.

Morgana however ignored her, she was walking at a fast pace, her arms folded tight around her to try and cover herself from the painstaking wind, who was she kidding? But she wasn't getting back in that car with Merlin- not now.

"Morgana!" She heard Merlin call from behind, feeling the anger in his tone, but she didn't dare turn around. Her life was _none_ of Merlin's business, how dare he question her as though he knew what it was like.

She tried tying a strand of her raven hair behind her ear, but the wind continued to sweep it away, as her hair sailed around her like a fiery mane.

Morgana knew that she was denying her feelings for Arthur, the mind sweep of captivating jealousy that was eating her up inside, and by storming out of his car and carrying on like this, she wasn't exactly saying it wasn't true. But he had annoyed her, and now she would annoy him- it was only fair.

The long road ahead was dark, but she had the company of ongoing traffic, the zooming engines mixed with the defying wind- it was hard to hear _anything_. Utter bliss right now, but then she could still hear the constant protests of Merlin in the background ruining it- typical.

His cold, sharp fingers dug into her upper arm, as he pulled her back- finally catching up with her. "Morgana!" He yelled aggressively, the fun was over. "Get back here now!" He snapped, making her whirl round and face him. "I'm not a dog Merlin!" She snarled, angry with him, words could barely describe.

"You're acting like a child!" He retorted snappishly. "Now would you grow up and get yourself back in the car!" He snapped hotly- she had never seen him like this.

"You think I'm going anywhere with you, speaking to me like that?" She yelled back at him, her brows furrowed in unimaginable rage. "Look." He said slowly, trying to calm himself. "I upset you, I'm sorry- now will you _please_ just get back in the car?" Merlin told her, eyeing her up for any reaction she might make.

Morgana stood there, looking up at him- her face losing all of its anger and rage, overcome with guilt. She had been acting rather childishly, although she'd never admit it. Finally she moved away from him, brushing his shoulder as she made her way back up to the car.

Merlin thought it best not to try to walk alongside her, so he kept a little distance behind her, the long walk to the car was slow and each second seemed to drag, but finally they made it, and Morgana climbed in the passenger side, all huddled up to one side looking out the window, like it had been before he had tried to joke with her- her feelings for Arthur were clearly a lot more serious than she thought.

The remainder of the drive home was silent, and finally he pulled up at her house. Morgana pulled her seatbelt off and unlatched the door, before Merlin grabbed her hand, which made her turn around to look at him.

"You'll be okay?" He asked, afraid that Morgana would go in with a heavy heart and cry herself to sleep or something, something she would do and never admit to- still with this hard, strong exterior. If that were the case, he didn't want to leave her- if he could make her avoid sadness, he would. But Morgana gave a small nod, as well as smile- the two more than happy to forget the tiff on the motorway, before she was gone and he waited to see if she got into her home alright. She shot him a small wave before she closed the front door and he headed back to Arthur's, he'd need a few excuses as to why he was so late. Morgana invited him in for tea or something, or he stopped to get petrol- they'd be decent enough for someone as dumb as Arthur.


	3. Chapter 3 The Party

**Authors Note**

Hey everyone! So sorry for the massive delay in the posting to this new chapter, but I hope you all like it. I had fun writing this, and I hope you have fun reading it! Thank you to everyone who left feedback!

**Chapter 3**

_**The Party**_

"Arthur!" Guinevere fussed as she brought bowls of snacks from the kitchen and set them on the coffee table; where Arthur had his feet perched as he lay back lazily picking at the sausage rolls she had brought out a moment ago.

"Will you _please_ stop it?" Guinevere fumed, slapping his hand away from the bowl, knocking his feet from the table too.

"We'll have guests arriving any minute!" She raged at him, her head of tight hazel curls flung down her back as she frowned at him, whereas the young man just scoffed and laughed.

"It's not a children's tea party Gwen." Arthur laughed at her expense, bringing himself up from the chair. "They're our _friends._" He emphasized the word to her as though she were a disobedient dog. "Stop fussing, I'm not going to get all dressed up for Gwaine." He laughed at his own joke, and the mere thought, before he left to go towards the kitchen to pull a beer from the fridge.

"It's not _just_ our friends! There'll be a few people from college, work, old neighbours…" Guinevere went on, as she leant on the back of the sofa, looking for him to answer her, but he was digging through the fridge like a curious cat.

"Enlighten me Gwen." He began, as he pulled jars and egg cartons out of his way. "Why are they coming to _our_ house, to attend _our _party, if they're not _our _friends?" Arthur asked, turning to look at Guinevere finally, with a playful smirk on his face.

"It's common courtesy!" She shot back him, folding her arms with a light frown, realising that he did have a point; but she'd never admit it.

"No it's not!" Arthur scoffed, as he made his way back into the living room to thump back down on the chair, his arms full of food and more than enough beer. "I couldn't care less what your _work colleagues_ think, if they don't like me then I'll kindly assist them out." He laughed at himself, and Guinevere began to think that this wasn't his first beer either, so she decided to ignore him, she wasn't going to argue with him now; she'd save that for later.

"Stop messing everything up!" Guinevere frowned, shouting at Arthur, thumping him around the back of the head with a cushion before she fixed it. "And stop eating everything, it's not for you!" She growled, like a fiery lioness, snapping a bowl from his hand.

"Right, tell me that when you're throwing it out later." Arthur rolled his eyes, he had expected his usual friends to come over, some alcohol to be involved as they played the x-box or something, and the girls (and Merlin possibly) would gossip in the kitchen but he knew how Morgana would rather have fun beating him in a game of virtual soccer than go and natter about girlish things. But Guinevere had taken control of the whole thing, bought stupid amounts of food, and burnt a few CD's, the only thing that the two agreed on was the alcohol. And now Arthur would have to spend his evening entertaining stupid, stuck up snobby people he didn't know. Great.

* * *

><p>"Fine!" Morgana cussed down the phone at one of her best friends. "But I'm only going because you're blackmailing me into it!" Morgana spat angrily, slamming her phone shut and practically throwing it with a temper down on the coffee table.<p>

She didn't like Arthur, (well she did, but Merlin didn't need to know that) but the threatening thought that Merlin would even bring it to his thoughts made her stomach swirl in discomfort. _"If you have nothing to hide, then you won't mind me bringing it to his attention!" _Merlin had smirked down the phone at her. She didn't want to go to this party, she had planned on calling Gwen last minute saying something had come up, like her great, great, great aunt from Poland was visiting or some rubbish like that, but now she had to go, and deep down she knew that. Great. It was either that or face the horrid consequences in the morning, yes- she'd kill Merlin later and it was that thick thought of sadism that gave her the energy to get changed into some more practical than pyjama bottoms and a miss-matched t-shirt.

* * *

><p>"Cool Party…" Gwaine chuckled to himself, as he watched Arthur trot over to him with a frown, aggravated by the man now laughing along in conversation with Gwen.<p>

"Shut up!" Arthur snapped, folding his arms in annoyance as Gwaine took a swig of his beer. "If that Anthony What's-His-Face makes another dig about my shirt, I'll put him through the window!" Arthur retorted slyly, the sense of loathing in his tone was unbearable.

"What's wrong with your shirt?" Gwaine raised a brow, curious- his shirt was just a normal, white shirt.

"Exactly!" Arthur boomed, throwing his hands in motion, before he swept his fingers through his blonde hair. "I knew Gwen shouldn't have brought her work 'friends', bunch of prats- the lot of them!" Arthur glowered, before Gwaine knocked his arm.

"Oh come on, that Victoria over there doesn't seem that bad, _if you get what I mean._" Gwaine nudged his friend and winked, casting a flirtatious look at the young fair-haired woman in the corner; she blushed and began whispering to her friend.

"Great. You've probably slept with Anthony too." Arthur rolled his eyes sarcastically, before letting a small chuckle escape his lips; Gwaine always did manage to cheer him up.

"I wonder where Merlin and Morgana are…" Arthur asked, Gwaine couldn't help but pick up the worried tone in his voice.

"I just arrived ten minutes ago, it's still early yet." Gwaine comforted, taking another swig of his beverage.

"Yes, and that's your third beer…" Arthur made a face; Gwaine was unbelievable; Arthur would be carrying him home within the hour if he continued.

But they're bickering stopped when they both heard the front door bang shut, someone had entered- it was obviously Merlin, he was the only one who never found it appropriate to knock, nope- he just barged on in whenever it suited.

"Ah, speak of the devil." Gwaine nudged his friend's arm cheerfully again, when he saw Morgana and Merlin make their way through to the lounge.

Merlin was dressed ruggedly, wearing a sky blue shirt with denim jeans, nothing spectacular, since he practically lived here Arthur doubted why he would ever dream of dressing up. Morgana however looked radiant, she always did. But tonight she had made the extra effort. She wore a fitted black dress, with lace detailing. Her hair lay down her back, perfectly straight, all matched with a pair of black heels; it was a party after all.

"Morgana!" Guinevere beamed as she broke off her conversation with her friend Anthony and threw her arms around Morgana. "How're you feeling?" She whispered into her ear, but Morgana just shook her head and confirmed that she was perfectly fine.

But she was far from fine, now she would be expected to sit here, at this party until the little hours of the night dwindled in, and she would have to get a taxi home since she was positive everyone would get drunk out of their minds, and sing praise at Gwen and Arthur on their engagement. Great.

"Morgana!" Arthur grinned as he approached her and Merlin.

"It's lovely to see you too Arthur!" Merlin replied sarcastically, with a fake painted smile, before he made a disgruntled face and scoffed.

"Oh shut up Merlin, I see too much of you as it is!" Arthur brushed him off, ignoring his good humour, but Gwaine patted him on the back and he and Merlin disappeared to the kitchen, possibly to raid the fridge of more beer.

"Hello!" Morgana smiled, trying to act normal; as though nothing was wrong, she could act- despite what Merlin said.

She wasted no time in pulling him into a hug; it was the normal thing to do; had she stood there and stared around awkwardly, he would've suspected something and pestered her until she answered.

"How're you feeling?" Arthur asked when she broke the embrace, the sweet smell of her perfume lingered.

"I'm fine, honestly." Morgana replied, unable to meet his gaze though, but she tried, feeling her stomach squirm and persist it was much too awkward, but she ignored it, understanding it was wrong, she could never have him, so teasing herself by allowing her eyes to lose themselves in his sapphire stare was only cruel.

Arthur watched her, she did seem better than last night, but something was… wrong. He sensed it, as though she was masking something. There was something she wasn't telling him.

"Right." Arthur smiled, now would be a great opportunity to bring up last night's events, he certainly didn't want to in case she got annoyed, but if she was hurting he wanted to know.

"Did Merlin leave you home okay last night?" Arthur asked, being wary- he was walking on ice right now.

Morgana froze her face dropping as she tried to maintain her composure, why would he bring up last night? Because she had acted like an idiot, that was why.

"Yeah, he just… dropped me off, it was fine." She shrugged, her eyes wary, trying to act as though nothing had happened, but she distinctively remembered rushing up the motorway in a huff with Merlin when he brought up Arthur, she cringed at the memory.

"Right, right." Arthur replied, looking away from her, he wasn't going to get his answers that easy; he would just have to bite his tongue and get on with it.

"You seemed… Upset last night." Arthur went on, unable to meet her gaze at this moment, in fear of what her expression might be. "Is everything alright?" Arthur finally brought his head up to meet her gaze, her face was emotionless and he didn't know why.

Morgana stared back at him, what could she say? Deny it of course, but she feared she had already let too much slip last night and now she was doing a worse job of concealing her overbidding emotions.

She let a coy laugh escape her lips, brushing off his comments. "What?" She lied, trying to look exasperated. "I'm fine, what're you talking about?" She chuckled, but the flakiness of her giggle was sickening, and she was sure he sensed it.

Arthur furrowed his brows, taking her modest laugh as an insult. "Well, I saw how you were so keen to slip away with Merlin yet you practically begged to walk when I offered to drive you home." Arthur snapped, making her stop her fake chuckles.

Her face was now frozen, shocked at his outburst. She realised now how idiotic she had been, she _was_ more than happy to slip away with Merlin, yet she protested too much with him- surely he felt hurt by it, like he had done something wrong.

Morgana didn't exactly know what to say, she was afraid she might reveal too much in a simple utter, or come across as nasty if she didn't come up with a reason for her actions the previous night.

"Well, you had people over- it would have been unfair for me to take you away from them." She tried forcing a light smile to try and brighten the mood, although she felt strange for referring to Gwaine and Lancelot as 'people'.

"Morgana- what is it?" Arthur asked, ignoring her last reply; he knew as well as she did that she wouldn't have normally been so courteous to her friends, but rather demand Arthur drive her home on a cold November night.

"What have I done, tell me." Arthur asked his voice now soothing and comforting, losing its previous harsh tone, it was replaced with overwhelming guilt, as though he felt her sadness was his fault. His eyes looked into hers, and she realised he cared, whatever it was he didn't want to argue with her, to fall out with her, or to bicker with her like they normally would have, this time he wanted to understand her problems and try and fix them; but he could never, he could never fix the problem if he was the source for her sadness, yet the utter realm of her happiness at the same time.

Arthur was being honest with her; for once he was being kind. She wanted so desperately now more than ever to confide in him, to return the complete honesty and trust he was enfolding in that moment, but she couldn't, and she felt selfish because of it.

"It's nothing." She replied after a few long moments, pulling her lips into a small smile as she bashfully looked away from him. Morgana immediately regretted her choice of words, by stating that it was 'nothing' meant that there was something wrong, she was just digging herself deeper and deeper into this hole she'd made for herself.

"Morgana…" Arthur sighed, leaning against the door frame, folding his arms, his lips pulled in a smug smirk. "I know you're just jealous that Gwaine is paying more attention to Victoria over there, than you."

"Oh yes, I'm utterly devastated Arthur, that he finds more appeal for a woman who likes to reveal unnecessary amounts of flesh." Morgana replied with a sarcastic pout. She glanced to Victoria, the girl looked as though she forgot to put on a skirt and she was sure her cleavage would fall from that _very_ low cut top- never an attractive look.

They both laughed, and Morgana was glad for the release. For that single second everything seemed fine again, she was brought back to the time when Arthur was hers, when they were young children and Guinevere wasn't on the scene, when he would return the kind affections she showed him, all in the innocence of childhood. But the horrible reality was brought back to her as she gazed at him now, how he was no longer hers and that Guinevere would be his wife and Morgana was expected to deal with that, when she just couldn't; it wasn't fair.

"Come on, what is it?" Arthur asked again, feeling that he was getting closer to the revere.

"Really Arthur, I'm fine." Morgana told him, she couldn't deny she was getting rather snappish, she wasn't going to tell him yet she feared he thought differently. As if he could fix her feelings. Now he had made her realise that she couldn't do this anymore, he would _never_ return her feelings, and it wasn't fair that she lived in hope, how her heart fluttered when he spoke with her, she was always in denial that perhaps he liked her too, but she knew now he wouldn't and could never and it only grieved her.

Morgana went to shove past him, her brows furrowed from his constant persistence but he stopped her, grabbing her arm, as his face lost all humour. Obviously trying to be funny wasn't going to be the best way to get through to her.

"_Please_…" Arthur begged, the longing in his eyes could have melted her right there, sizzled her heart into goo, she would have revealed everything to him, just because he had asked her to, she would do _anything _for him; but now things were different.

"You couldn't fix it even if you wanted to." Morgana replied with an aggression she had forged from her thoughts, that he would never be hers, and she was raged with jealousy. With that she snagged away from his grip and stormed away, leaving Arthur's mouth hanging ajar.

What had he done? Arthur wasn't sure, but Morgana was acting oddly. One moment she was laughing along to his jokes and now she was storming away from him. How had things gone so wrong in a matter of minutes? He wanted to help her, she was troubled and it saddened him that she would rather not confide in him.

* * *

><p>Arthur never neared Morgana for the remainder of the night, in fear of what her reaction might be; she was having weird mood swings he didn't want to meddle in. He'd talk to her when she wasn't in such a bad mood, or perhaps he'd ask Gwen to discover what was up with her. He'd work it out tomorrow.<p>

Morgana on the other hand felt very awkward, she didn't know hardly a soul at this party. Lancelot was off talking to Leon and Elyan. Percival had approached her earlier for a small chat before he slipped away with Gwaine to annoy Guinevere who was trying to balance herself out between all her friends.

"You look miserable." Merlin told her as he wandered over to her with a wide, smug grin.

"That's probably because I am." Morgana replied sarcastically, bringing her eyes to her watch to gaze at the time, it read _11:35pm_, still too early to leave.

"Why? Aren't you enjoying yourself?" Merlin asked her as he leant against the worktop beside her.

"Well, last time I checked Merlin, blackmailing wasn't fun." Morgana replied, giving a heavy exasperated sigh. She would rather be at home right now, tucked up in bed, without the annoying music blurring in the background, or the ignorance of everyone here.

"Well, I wouldn't consider it blackmail if you have nothing to hide." Merlin smirked, as he looked to her. She liked Arthur, it was so obvious, and she put up too much of a fight of protest every time he told her this.

Morgana balled her hand into a fist and punched Merlin in the arm. "Ow!" He squealed like a girl, furrowing his brows and rubbing his fatal wound gently, eyeing Morgana with a vicious frown.

"Now, that was fun." Morgana smirked, leaning her arms on the worktop, holding her head up proudly at her recent achievement. She lingered there a moment, Merlin had grown quiet and walked away from her, annoyed; she had obviously hurt him, but he needed to man-up a bit in her opinion, he'd thank her for the bruise later.

Morgana's smiled faded and her bored expression replaced it, she sighed and furrowed her brows before another figure approached her.

"Well you look like you look like a wet blanket." Gwaine muttered with a smirk as he approached her. He had now lost count of how many beers he had drank, and he would be lying if he said his head _wasn't_ spinning.

"And you look like you can't see straight." Morgana replied slyly, taking a sip of the drink she had been holding for what seemed like ages.

"That's because I can't." Gwaine laughed, and Morgana did too.

"But…" Gwaine began again after he'd finished chuckling with her. "I do know you're the most breath-taking thing on two legs."

Morgana let another chuckle escape her lips as she smiled into her glass; draining it. "And how many girls do you use that line on?" Morgana retorted smugly as she let yet another laugh escape her lips.

"No, no!" Gwaine replied, dropping all humour from his voice. "It's true." He told her, eager for her to understand.

"You stench of Budweiser, your speech is slurred and you almost walked into the fridge coming over here." Morgana told him. "I think it'd be best if you just went home, got a shower and went to bed before you do something stupid." She tried to explain, although keeping a smile firmly on her lips at his expense.

"Hmm… That seems like a good idea…" Gwaine replied, practically drooling over every word. "…If you were to join me." He added a smug wink.

Morgana laughed, making him chuckle slightly. "Come on, if I don't go home with you, you'll just go find someone who will."

Gwaine laughed too now, he couldn't deny that that was possibly what he'd do, and Morgana knew as well as anyone what his womanizing ways where like, he was famous for them. But Morgana- she was different, she was breath taking, every ounce of her being was utter amazement. He knew he'd wake up in the morning and hate himself for being such an idiot now, but that was how he woke up most Saturday mornings. In truth he had always thought Morgana out of his league, and perhaps that was why he'd drank stupid amounts of alcohol tonight just to gain the courage to near her and slyly confess his feelings- but he was smart, he wasn't too deep about it, which kept her laughing and as long as she was laughing he knew he was doing something right.

Morgana was in mid laugh when she caught sight of Arthur and Guinevere across the room, making out in a tempestuous manner. It sickened her, and she didn't want to admit the hurtful pang in her stomach when she seen them, carefree; completely devoted to each other. It should be her Arthur was kissing, not Gwen. Morgana had been there all along, seen him grow from boy to man, Guinevere- she was there no more than ten years, _if even_. What did _she_ have that Morgana didn't? Arthur.

Without wasting another second Morgana grabbed Gwaine who was in front of her in a rather fierce manner, taking him off-guard she pinned her lips to his, having to almost stand on her toes with his towering stature.

She'd never _really_ liked Gwaine, not in that way. No, she had just seen him as the womanizer, and she didn't like messing with those types. Although she remembered when she'd first sighted Gwaine, she had commented on his good looks to Guinevere who had embarrassed her later that day by stating it in front of him. Of course, he was nice to look at, but she doubted he had a brain in his thick head; it was a rather rude and nasty thought but true all the same.

Morgana had no idea what she was doing just now, but she knew what ignited her to do it.

Through the now lustful kiss, she opened her eyes spied on Arthur who was _still_ kissing Gwen, not paying any attention to her whatsoever. But that only made her kiss with Gwaine harder and more libidinously.

Gwaine couldn't believe his luck. Morgana was kissing _him_. Why, he didn't know- but he certainly wasn't going to stop and ask questions. This only proved that Morgana liked him too, he was used to women throwing themselves at him, but he had never expected to be cradled in a lustful embrace with Morgana.

Morgana suddenly regretted her brash decision to kiss Gwaine, but it would be nothing to him, right? He'd certainly just tick her off on the list he probably had of women he had to kiss.

But Arthur wasn't looking- _why? _Perhaps he was too wrapped up in the embrace of his fiancé to taking any heath. But Morgana knew she had to get noticed.

"Come on." She whispered seductively into Gwaine's ear, through his thick, dark locks.

He shivered tenderly to her touch, but succumbed to it all the same, and allowed her to trail him outside but the hand, passing Merlin as he did, Merlin gave a look of confusion, Gwaine simply shrugged in reply.

Morgana pushed Gwaine against the thin rail of the small balcony type patio, locking her lips to his once again; knowing she'd caught the attention of Arthur now, surely.

She kissed him, allowing herself to go further than she ever expected, her tongue was squirming against his, tracing the inner line of his teeth, as his lips pulled and pursed against hers, grabbing and circling in a lustful motion, enjoyable to him but she could take no heath of the temperament of the heated kiss, her mind was flush with thoughts of Arthur; it was extremely wrong, but no one could get into her mind thankfully.

Why should Arthur care? She was foolish, but at the time when Gwaine was standing before her, when she had her fair she of white wine and Arthur was peering over the couch at her snogging Guinevere- it all seemed like a fairly wonderful idea, now- not so much.

"I'll go get my coat." She whispered, breaking her lips free of his, now they were stained a pinkish colour from the smearing of her lipstick and the swelling throb of his violent kiss.

Gwaine could say very little, except a light chuckle in disbelief as he watched her beautiful figure aver away and back inside.

"What are you doing?" Merlin snapped immediately when Morgana had left.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Gwaine replied smugly, pulling a hand through his handsome locks.

"Morgana isn't one of those _easy_ girls at your office you know, she's our friend." Merlin growled, annoyed that his friend had taken advantage of a drunken woman.

"Calm down Merlin, _she _kissed _me_." Gwaine informed her.

"Don't go home with her." Merlin said at once. "She's not in the right frame of mind, I don't want her doing something foolish." He knew of her love for Arthur and he knew full well this was an act to get him jealous, Morgana wasn't the type to go kissing guys at parties, even if she had worked her way around all the males in his group of friends.

"How do you know what her right frame of mind is Merlin." Gwaine scoffed.

"She's drunk, and so are you." Merlin told him angrily.

"Oh, her being drunk is the only reason she's inviting me home." Gwaine asked, his brows furrowed in rage at the realisation of Merlin's words.

"Well… Yeah." Merlin confirmed.

"Shove off Merlin!" Gwaine belted out immediately. "You're just jealous."

"Jealous?" Merlin half-laughed, disbelieving his friends words.

"Well, why else would you be telling me she's too drunk to know what she's doing." Gwaine asked wryly.

"Well… Because she is." Merlin told him, unaware of why he was reacting the way he was.

"Oh, so I don't deserve a girl like her, is that it? And you do?" Gwaine was getting peevish and irksome.

"Gwaine, you're twisting my words." Merlin breathed calmly. "And this is drink talk; you don't really mean what you're saying."

"Don't tell _me_ what I mean Merlin, I know perfectly well." Gwaine sneered.

Morgana poked her head out of the patio door again, to see Gwaine and merlin _chatting_.

"Taxi's waiting…" She eyed him lustfully.

"See ya Merlin." She smiled before her hand was wrapped tightly around Gwaine's again.

"Bye Arthur." Morgana commented as she passed him _still_ snogging Guinevere on the couch. "Nice party Gwen." She grinned again, before her and Gwaine had left the party completely

"I can see…" Gwen muttered, whilst Arthur sat scratching his head in confusion.

"Did I… Did I just see that correctly?" Arthur asked absently, scrunching his eyes in confusion.

"I think so…" Guinevere replied, just as puzzled.

"Since when did they…" He indicated at Gwaine and Morgana, as Merlin entered.

"Since ten minutes ago." Merlin muttered, hands dug in his pockets, a look of defeat on his face.

"She'll regret it in the morning, you'll see." Merlin sighed. "She'll be phoning me crying about how Gwaine played her…" He slumped down in the seat next to Arthur.

"I don't really think she's that type Merlin." Guinevere replied with a small laugh.

"Yeah, she's just as bad as Gwaine." Arthur commented with a chuckle.

"Aw, never mind Merlin." Arthur told his friend, messing up his hair. "I'll give them a week." Arthur winked, thinking Merlin was love-struck and devastated at Morgana's new found love.

"I don't fancy Morgana, Arthur." Merlin replied, with a small laugh.

"It's alright Merlin, we won't tell." Arthur replied with a knowing smile.

Suddenly Arthur realised that was probably why Morgana had been so off earlier- it all made sense. She liked Gwaine, and she _really_ was jealous of him showing other girls more attention. He was happy to see she had got what she wanted, and now that meant she would stop being so snappish with him, now he only have a love distraught Merlin to deal with, perhaps he'd set him up with Elena… She was just as clumsy as he was; they'd get on great together.

**Authors Note**

Please R&R if you would like me to continue! I hope you all enjoy my story! :)


	4. Chapter 4 Amongst the Clutter

**Chapter 4**

_**Amongst the Clutter**_

Morgana's eyes shot open groggily, the morning light gaping through the open curtains which she regretted not closing last night. She wasn't sure what had woke her, but after a few drowsy seconds she realised that the noise had not ceased. It was a muffled, yet distinctive ringing, what was it? But then it occurred to her that it was perhaps her phone buzzing in her bag, which just happened to be in the corner of her bedroom; it would be pointless getting it now anyway, by the time she got up it would have rang off. _Shame…_

She stifled a yawn, before she stretched her arms in the air, letting a small groan of disapproval escape her lips. The clock lay on her bedside table, as well as the lamp which was still switched on from last night, despite the daylight controlling her bedroom now. Morgana only hoped it was dawn, daybreak; around five or six o'clock in the morning, where she could quite easily snuggle back under the heat of her covers and sleep a little while longer.

But she was sadly disheartened.

The clock read _11:32am_, and she groaned in defeat, pulling a hand through her tangled raven hair, slumping back under the covers to muster the courage to step out into the cold, she had forgot to set the heating… She made a mental note to close the curtains and set the heating timer before she climbed into bed tonight, it was a lesson well learnt because she always she felt bad about it come morning.

After a few, _long_ moments, Morgana climbed out of bed and lumbered over to her handbag, digging her hands through the unnecessary contents, before she pulled out her mobile phone to see she had _two_ missed calls from Merlin, and a new message from him. She decided not to call him back, she was in no mood for chatting today.

_Hey Morgana, I tried calling but I figured you weren't up yet- meet me for coffee around at 12? Lemme know! x_

Morgana let a small chuckle escape her lips, Merlin and his typical ways. Of course she knew he didn't just want _coffee_, he wanted to pester her about what went on last night.

Merlin sat in the corner café, anxiously muttering and fidgeting as he watched to see would Morgana appear, _she hadn't replied_.

He sipped anxiously at his coffee, barely taking heath of the burning sensation that scalded his tongue. Another coffee sat across from him, he had taken the liberty of buying Morgana one; _if she arrived_. If she didn't, he'd happily drink it, he'd had a late night last night.

But finally, Merlin breathed a sigh of relief see the slender figure that was Morgana step into the shop, wearing black jeans and a thick red cardigan pulled around her, with her casual raven locks tousled over her shoulders.

"Merlin." She breathed with a cheerful smile, taking her seat across from him.

"Morgana." He grinned back rakishly, pulling a hand through his scruffy dark hair. "I got you a coffee."

"Thanks." She replied, curling her fingers around the warmth of the cup.

Merlin was first to interject the gauche silence, scratching his head in an uncomfortable manner.

"So," He began, realising he was treading on ice here. "Did you have a good night last night?" But he regretted the words the moment they left his lips; it looked as though he was taunting her now.

Morgana shrugged her shoulders absently. "Mmm, it was alright." She told him, taking her coffee cup to her lips.

Merlin however was shocked, that she wasn't keen on bragging about her night with Gwaine, or that she seemed regretful over her actions, nor did she seem even bashful about the subject.

"Right." He replied quickly, trying hard to think up another reason for _taking_ up the topic again, but he didn't want to seem prudent.

"I didn't sleep with Gwaine, Merlin." Morgana told him suddenly, but her face was expressionless as she stared at him.

Merlin tried his best to look shocked, and appalled that she would even say such things to him, acting like it was none of his business.

She raised a brow at him.

"Honestly Morgana." Merlin shook off, trying to look innocent. "I have no idea why you're telling me this."

"Oh, so it's entirely normal for you to invite me out for coffee is it?" She replied with a sardonic expression, short of a smile.

"_What_?" He tried his best to look hurt. "Can I not invite one of my closest friends out for a chat?"

"Oh you can." She corrected him. "But not to pester them for gossip."

"Morgana, I-" Merlin began, but he was cut off by her.

"Merlin." She laughed. "Calm down."

Her lips pulled into a smile, she was fond of Merlin and she knew she could never be angry at him, he was naïve and innocent in his ways, of course if this were someone else she'd have torn them to shreds at being so nosey.

Merlin let a coy laugh escape his lips now; giving into defeat- so maybe he wasn't fooling anyone after all.

"So, what did you do when you got home then?" Merlin asked, suddenly feeling that he was being a bit too forward with his approach to gain some information.

"I went to bed." She replied knowingly. "Not with Gwaine." She corrected herself with a small laugh at her own idiocy and how it must've sounded to Merlin.

"What time did you leave at?" Morgana interjected when Merlin's face turned a shade of pink at her last reply.

"Oh, not long after you." He sighed softly into his coffee cup.

Morgana nodded, not exactly knowing what to say now, she guessed he was hoping she had more gossip, but she didn't, and neither did he.

"So…" Merlin sighed after the long silence. "Where's Gwaine?"

"I don't know." Morgana shrugged her shoulders. "Home I guess…"

So, maybe Morgana was telling the truth, because overall she didn't seem the slightest bit bothered about the entire thing, to Merlin's surprise. Nevertheless he bit his lip and went on with what he planned to say.

"Look…" He sighed, not wanting to say these words, but he had to.

"I know you only kissed Gwaine to make Arthur jealous."

"What?" Morgana almost spat out her coffee. "What are you talking about?" Her voice was raised in utter shock, but Merlin ushered her to silence, people were beginning to stare.

"Oh come on Morgana, how long are you going to keep this up? I _know_ you like Arthur." Merlin rolled his eyes, wishing she would stop denying it, she could trust him.

Morgana suddenly regretted coming, how was she so blind to know Merlin wouldn't pester her about this? Typical, she knew it was odd him wanting to spend the afternoon with her.

"I can't believe you!" She scoffed in disbelief sitting back in her chair, eyeing him with hatred now.

"The night before last you're fleeing from a party because Arthur says he's engaged and the next night you're sucking the face off one of his best friends- forgive me if I found it suspicious." Merlin furrowed his brows at her reaction.

"Oh, so you think I'd be that _shallow_ do you? To _use _Gwaine?" But her stomach churned, she _was_ that shallow.

"Well- I don't know!" Merlin shrugged annoyed, he didn't exactly want to admit to her being shallow, otherwise she'd have another fit.

Morgana scoffed again, "So, that's what everyone's been saying have they? That I _used_ Gwaine?" Morgana's eyes widened at Merlin in anger, waiting for his reply. He didn't give her one.

She stood up and brushed her hand again her coffee cup, sending the rest of its contents down onto the table as it sailed onto Merlin's lap.

"Next time, I'll get my own coffee." She spat viciously, before she left the café.

Merlin made an attempt to run after her, but the warm liquid was staining the tails of his shirt, and he was trying desperately to mop up her mess, before it was too late, _she was gone_.

She had created quite a scene, people were looking and whispered, shooting judgemental looks at him, he laughed it off awkwardly, and annoyed at himself for approaching the situation the way he had.

Now she thought everyone _knew_ when they didn't. It was just him, and it was only because he knew her better than she thought and now he was sure she wouldn't speak to him again- or at least for a while. He was an idiot.

…

The week's lingered by, and everything seemed to turn back to how it used to be, however Gwaine couldn't believe his luck. He was seeing more and more of Morgana, barely believing why or how _she_ had taken an interest in him, but he wasn't questioning it.

Morgana had decided to put her feud with Merlin aside, it only made things tremendously awkward when with the others, of course she wouldn't spend a minute alone in his company, fearful that he would pester her again, making her feel isolated and useless.

Merlin felt sick every time he looked at Morgana, as though he had ruined any sort of friendship they had, he didn't think she was shallow, everything just came out all wrong, and then there was Gwaine, who believed Merlin thought Morgana was too good for him. So Merlin decided to stick closer to Arthur, who, through the constant verbal abuse he considered Arthur didn't _really_ mean it, whereas he feared Gwaine and Morgana really did.

…

Thunder echoed through the sky, the clouds grey and dismal, swollen with rain as it poured to the world below. Merlin drove silently by the deserted streets, it was a little over 4 o'clock and his window wipers were having difficulty sloshing the rain off his windscreen.

But, through the overflowing amount of water on his window he caught sight of a figure walking slowly down the pavement ahead of him. She had waist length dark hair that was glued to her from the rain, with a black leather jacket pulled over her head as she walked at an extremely fast pace.

"Morgana!" Merlin shouted as he wound down the window, but she ignored him and continued to keep walking.

"Morgana!" Merlin shouted again, this time making her turn. "Get in!"

"No." Morgana muttered, knowing her response would be inaudible to the sound of heavy rain, but she didn't care- instead she continued to keep walking.

Merlin took her refusal to answer him as a 'No, I haven't forgiven you yet,' but he sighed nevertheless and kept trying.

"Get in the car Morgana, you're getting soaked!" He scolded a hint of begging in his voice.

"I'm fine walking." She retaliated.

"No, you're not! You're soaking wet and freezing now get in!" He shouted through the heavy rain, making Morgana roll her eyes.

"Stop following me like a police escort!" She snapped, furrowing her brows at him.

"Well stop acting like a child!" Merlin snarled her best interests at her.

Morgana once again rolled her eyes and sigh. "Honestly Merlin, insulting me is just going to make me _beg_ to get into the car!"

"Get in!" Merlin ignored her and continued to drive alongside her, before she finally realised he wasn't going to go away without a fight.

Morgana pulled the passenger door open and sat there, doing up her seatbelt before she shook off the rain like a damp dog.

"Where are you going?" Merlin asked as he looked to her, but she looked away.

"Home." She replied immediately.

"Where were you coming from?" He asked, indicating left.

"Jesus Merlin." Morgana scoffed, looking to his with wide eyes of disbelief. "You harass me to get in the car then ask me my life story when I do!"

"Right, sorry- I just meant…" Merlin trailed off, looking away with a look that clearly meant he had put his foot in his mouth- again.

The car ride was slow and silent, and Merlin realised the last time he shared a car ride with Morgana it was the same; dismal and unwelcoming, cold and unforgiving, what had happened to them?

"Bad day, isn't it?" Merlin asked for simple conversation, but she ignored him, as he expected. "It's said to brighten up a bit for tomorrow…" He tried again.

"Spare me the conversation Merlin." Morgana rolled her eyes and sighed, patting her hand off the dashboard.

"Why?" Merlin asked, speaking before he thought and suddenly he realised he better be careful or he'd be chasing her up a motorway again.

"I mean, why you are always so nasty." Merlin asked, looking to see she still had her eyes transfixed on the window.

Morgana suddenly felt a stab of guilt. Of course, this was all Merlin's doing, he was so persistent that she liked Arthur, so horrible in his approach, even to call her shallow, she should feel hurt and horrified, and she did, only it was all painted with guilt.

She let a coy laugh escape her lips. "Shut up Merlin." She tried pretending it was all a joke, that he hadn't really said it, even if she knew it was all true.

"Point proven." Merlin muttered, looking to the road and sighing.

"No!" Morgana furrowed her brows and turned to him. "No, I have done _nothing_ wrong- you where horrible to me, you should feel guilty, so don't try and corner me in a car, God knows you're getting a knack for it!" Morgana yelled at him, her tone now full with guilt and despair, even though she knew it should be Merlin.

"I called you shallow- _once_! And I've regretted it ever since!" Merlin snapped back, trying to keep his eyes on the road but wanting so desperately to look at her.

"Good." Morgana commented out of rage.

"Morgana, please…" Merlin said finally, turning to her whenever her could. "I never called you shallow-"

"Yes you did!" Morgana cut in, looking at him scornfully.

"Let me finish." Merlin told her calmly. "Look, maybe I was wrong- maybe you and Gwaine are perfect for each other, maybe you didn't like Arthur…" But he trailed off, knowing he was only lying to himself, but it made her smile, a little- he could see it there at the corner of her lips.

Morgana now felt sorry for him, the guilt was the perfect emotion right now. She knew Merlin and her rarely meant harm, like a small, innocent child. Of course she had shown him the cold shoulder long enough and now she had her forgiveness, all she wanted in the end.

"And maybe you're right." Her smile grew wider.

"So, does that mean you'll stop ignoring me now?" Merlin asked, with a friendly tug of his lips.

"Only if you promise me one thing…" Morgana gave a grin.

"And what is that?" Merlin asked, seeing her mischievous grin back again; he was more than glad of it.

"The next time you offer me a lift and pester me for answers, I'll run you over with your own car." She gave a spiteful grin, of course it scared him all the same, and he didn't want to test her. But he laughed it off merrily anyway, glad that their friendship had been rekindled.

…

"Gwen… Gwen!" Morgana shouted to her friend, but the hazel haired female was staring blankly into space, ignoring every word.

"Guinevere!" Morgana snapped, looking down upon Gwen where she sat. Guinevere looked up immediately and pulled a quick smile of apogee.

"Sorry, sorry… I'm just tired…" She mused, letting out a modest laugh.

"Right… Is everything alright?" Morgana asked, rising a brow of concern.

"Of course, its fine- I'm just tired." And with that Guinevere got up and headed for the door, throwing Morgana a smile that meant 'she was fine' but Morgana wasn't stupid.

"Ah… Gwen..." Morgana called before her friend reached the door.

"Yes?" She answered.

"You never did tell me how many sugars you'd like in your coffee?" Morgana pulled a smile of bemusement, and Guinevere laughed.

"Sorry, sorry… two." She nodded and rolled her eyes at herself, before she left.

Morgana however drearily pulled two spoonful's of coffee into her friend's mug, thinking of what could be the matter. Guinevere had everything, a nice house, a nice car, a nice fiancée… What would she have to be upset about? But Morgana knew she shouldn't be so narrow-minded. And with that, she left the staff room, to go and be with her friend at her desk, where she would pointlessly type on her computer and file through documents- but that's what secretary's did after all.

…

"So…" Morgana began, as she set down her friend's coffee. "What did you get up to last night?"

"Nothing really… Typical Sunday night I suppose, why?" Guinevere replied as she lifted the purple mug and brought it to her lips.

"Just starting conversation…." Morgana told her, sitting (or more so reclining) on the sofa in the hallway, knowing that if she was caught she'd get a biting, but she could more than handle her manager, as she had many times before.

"Mmm…" Guinevere mumbled into her coffee mug.

Morgana knew something was wrong, normally Guinevere would be funloving on a Monday morning, _she_ would be the one telling Morgana not to be depressed or down or upset (of course Morgana blamed her dampened mood on the earliness, when it was obviously Arthur) and now the tables had turned.

"Gwen… Are you sure everything's alright?" Morgana leant up from her position to sympathize with her friend, but Guinevere laughed it off modestly and shook her head.

"Why do you keep asking me? I'm fine." Guinevere nodded, with a fake smile pulled on her lips.

"Well, you seem down…" Morgana explained, shrugging her shoulders, something wasn't right but she couldn't put her finger on it…

"I'm fine, please. Once I get this coffee into me." Guinevere nodded and shot her friend a reassuring smile before she turned to her desk.

Of course Morgana didn't have a chance to try and reply, because a phone started ringing. Guinevere's phone. And she seemed more than eager to answer it, in fact she shot up that fast her coffee spilled over her lap and stained her tweed skirt.

"Gwen!" Morgana's eyes widened, she looked panicked- why was she acting like this?

"Umm... Yeah..." Guinevere replied but she eyes scurried for her bag, and Morgana noticed it lay on _her_ desk.

But through the fumble, Morgana knocked it over and its contents were knocked the floor.

"Oh, crap- sorry!" Morgana apologized, bending down to pick the things up.

"No!" Guinevere yelled, making Morgana look up and glare at her, before her eyes were brought to another matter.

Among typical handbag clutter; receipts, lipstick, keys; Morgana saw something she wished she hadn't.

A pregnancy test.

"Are you pregnant?" Morgana's brows furrowed and she said the words more out of disgust than anything else.

"No!" Guinevere tried laughing, but she was that flustered it was more of a nervous chuckle than a laugh at all. "No, it's not mine…. It's a friends."

"A friends?" Morgana asked in disbelief, feeling the same plunge of jealously she felt all those weeks ago, at that 'gathering' Arthur had, at his engagement announcement. She was just getting over it, and now she realised that she wasn't getting over it, she was just numbing the pain, and now the pain stung more than ever.

"I'm your only friend in the office… And I'm not…" She trailed off.

"Yes, I know…" Guinevere seemed lost for words. "Look, Morgana… It's nothing, I'm not pregnant!"

"Well then why do you have a test handy in your bag?" Morgana realised she was growing angry, this was none of her business, if she wanted to have a child with Arthur that was her business, and it wasn't like she wasn't expecting something like this, they were soon to be married after all.

"Because I just do!" Guinevere snapped back viciously. "And besides, I've already told you, it's not mine!"

"Oh yeah right, sorry- you're holding it for a friend.." Morgana threw her eyes in the air sardonically.

"Look Morgana, this is none of your business!" Guinevere scowled flumping all the spilled contents into her bag since Morgana had given up. "Why are you so bothered anyway?"

Morgana was taken aback, although she knew she shouldn't be. "I'm your friend, I thought you would've told me!" Morgana frowned, although knowing it was a lie, knowing why she truly felt hurt.

"I'm not having a baby!" Guinevere shouted in rage, it was simply unlike her.

"Right… That explains why you were so quiet!" Morgana had a keen look of satisfaction of her face.

"No.. No it doesn't!" Guinevere got flustered and seemed unkempt. "Why don't you just go back to your desk and stop pestering me, you're like a child!"

"Maybe I will!" Morgana huffed, grabbing her belongings before she stormed out of the hall, leaving Guinevere alone to fumble with her thoughts.

"Morgana! Where are you going?" Guinevere shouted, knowing her desk was right beside hers; Morgana was just simply being Morgana, storming out in a childlike manner.

…

Morgana tried hard not to cry as she stormed down the thin corridors, passing many work colleagues on the way. She was with Gwaine now, this shouldn't hurt so much. Gwaine loved her, she shouldn't care what Gwen and Arthur did with their lives, and she really should have accepted this by now. But how could she go and explain to the others why she was so upset? Not to mention that Guinevere would have informed Arthur how she reacted and she would always be known as the pathetic lovesick fool.

But Merlin. He wouldn't judge her, he was always there. So, without thinking twice she dug her hand into her bag and found her phone, texting her friend to come meet her, in the same coffee shop she fell out with him in.

…

Merlin's groggy eyes pulled open to the beeping of his phone. This was his day off, and even then he couldn't have peace.

'_Meet me for coffee ASAP, I have news… Morgana x'_

Merlin suddenly didn't feel as tired anymore, before he realised he was tugging on his clothes and rushing out the door, not realising that his friend had asked him for coffee at 10am.

….

"Morgana!" Merlin beamed as he sat down next to her, noticing that she wasn't drinking coffee, even if she had invited him out for some. "What's the news?" But he couldn't help but wonder if it was melancholic due to her facial expression.

"I have news… But I'm not sure if I should tell you." Morgana fumbled, thinking now that her previous decisions had been bad ones.

"You pull me out of bed at 10am _for that_?" Merlin furrowed his brows in frustration and annoyance, precious sleep wasted.

"It's about Gwen and Arthur…" Morgana stared at him. "But I don't want to gossip Merlin."

"Well… I won't tell." Merlin shot her a reassuring smile. "No, come on- what is it? You have me worried…"

"I was in work with Gwen, she seemed… odd… not herself." Morgana began, Merlin seemed attentive. "Her phone started ringing, and she got that flustered to answer it she knocked coffee around herself and everything… Then everything fell out of her bag." Morgana informed him, preparing him for what seemed to be the worst news of all (to her).

"There was a pregnancy test among her things…"

"What?" Merlin said at once and then scoffed in disbelief. "Gwen's pregnant?"

"I don't know, she was adamant she wasn't- she said it was a friends…" Morgana made a face that deemed it obvious to be untrue.

"Well, don't you believe her?" Merlin questioned.

"No. She was too defensive…" Morgana explained, nodding her head as she went. "Promise me you won't tell anyone Merlin, I don't want her to think I was gossiping about her…"

"Of course not." Merlin gave her a reassuring smile. "Does Arthur knows?"

"I'm not sure… Perhaps we should wait and see…" Morgana looked utterly devastated, although she'd never admit it, Merlin knew deep down would always have feelings for Arthur, despite what her and Gwaine seemed.

"Wait, shouldn't you be in work?" Merlin pulled a face of confusion.

"Yes… But I just couldn't be around Gwen any longer." Morgana confessed, knowing she was letting too many truths slip, she'd regret it later.

Merlin knew Morgana was being truthful and honest, her face said it all. She was confessing her feelings, in her way. He knew why she couldn't be around Gwen, and he was grateful she came to her.

"It's all going to be alright Morgana." He shot her a comforting smile.

"I hope so." She replied, returning his smile with a grateful expression that said she was happy for him to be her friend, she was grateful of his company; she could trust him.

_**A/N**_

**So, what do you all think? Apologies for the mega long late delay in posting… and lack of ArMor scenes, but I promise chapter 5 will be jam-packed full of ArMor! :D They will be the basis for the next chapter, which will be up by the end of the week (tomorrow or the next day?) Hopefully! Expect heartache and betrayal for chapter 5! And THANK YOU all so much for the reviews, alerts, favourites! It means the world to me, which is why I hope not to disappoint! :D**


	5. Chapter 5 Desires and Regret

**Chapter 5**

_**Desires and Regret**_

Morgana's eyes shot open, to be faced with the darkness of her bedroom. A noise continued to beat through the silence of her home, a loud bashing that was coming from downstairs.

She bolted out of bed, quickly glancing at the clock which read _2:04am_, who on earth could be calling at such a late hour.

Adrenaline fused through her body, as she quickly pulled her raven locks into a bun and tugged on her dressing gown, before she left the room in an alarmed scramble.

She would be lying if she confessed fear was not pumping through her, her heart was beating rapidly and her head would almost be spinning if she did not see a dark silhouette of a person through the glass.

Their shouts were muffled as they continued to thump on the glass harshly; surely the neighbours would hear and call the police. If only she was that lucky…

But through the darkness she crept down the stairs, careful not be seen by the enraged murderer, burglar, squatter- whoever it was. She knew for certain it was not any of her friends, had it been them they would have phoned and rang the doorbell like every other normal human being.

But time was not her friend this evening she discovered, she understood that the bangs were growing louder but then they stopped, and the person seemed to be chattering to someone.

"You… lift if, quick…. Is there a key? Look…. Hurry!"

They were going to break in! So Morgana did the only rational thing and grabbed an umbrella out of the stand for defence, as she stood by the door, panicked, scared and alarmed.

The phone was right over there, she could reach it and call _999_ and it would all be dealt with, finished, over. But sadly time was _not _her friend.

The door pushed open, to her horror, and she quickly made a swoop with her umbrella to see Merlin, but it was too late- he had already been slapped up the nose with the umbrella spike.

"What on _earth_ do you think you're doing?" Morgana hissed, but her eyes were brought to another matter.

A rather bloody Arthur.

"Arthur!" She said instantly, clapping a hand over her mouth.

He seemed to have a bloody noise, and the blood now covered the bottom half of his face, he looked pained, (obviously) and saddened, deeply upset or grieved by something.

"Come in, come in- quick!" Morgana told them, pushing her front door shut, to find Merlin had got in by finding her key under her doormat; she knew that was too typical of a place…

She led them through to her kitchen and sat Arthur down on a chair, before she went to soak a cloth in Luke warm water.

"Anyone care to tell me what the hells happened?" Morgana asked in an outrage as she squeezed the cloth so that the water drizzled out and soaked her fingers.

Arthur held a rather bloody tissue to his nose and seemed in too much pain for speaking, so Merlin began.

"Arthur… Well, he got in a fight… you know… With Lancelot…" Merlin trailed off scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Morgana looked to him and her eyes widened, hoping it was nothing to do with what she had told him a few days previously, but he would not meet her gaze, of course she could say very little to him in front of Arthur.

"What?" Morgana spat out after the prolonged absence of speech. "Why?"

At that Arthur finally made his presence known, and gave a mocking chuckle. "Because he's a prat, and I would've broke more than just his nose if it wasn't for Merlin…" He eyed Merlin with a strong annoyance, but again Merlin looked to the floor, knowing Arthur was in the mood to kill anyone.

"What?" Morgana asked, clearly confused. "Why?" She finally lifted the cloth and went to Arthur with it.

"Well… I thought, you know, I thought it would be nice for me, being Guinevere's fiancé, to show up to her work this afternoon with flowers, because she told me she was working late."

Arthur began, seeming very annoyed and anxious at the topic, he wouldn't look at anyone and he seemed as though he might kick off again at any moment.

"Right, so?" Morgana asked as she bent down in front of him to begin cleaning his nose.

"Well…" Arthur finally met her gaze. "Who should I see there, but Lancelot?"

Morgana's stomach went over, suddenly all the pieces fit and she could make up the rest of the story for herself, it was so obvious now. Why Guinevere was so anxious, why she was so nasty towards her, why Arthur was so upset.

"Arthur…" Her tone was low and comforting, but she trailed off nevertheless not knowing what to say, what could she say?

"Yes Morgana." Arthur nodded with a sardonic smirk and disbelieving sigh. "She's been lying to me this entire time…"

"Come on… I mean are you sure it's not just a misunderstanding?" But Morgana heard Merlin sigh behind him, as though he had already tried this question early and it had got him nowhere.

"Yes… '_Sorry Gwen, I just fell on you and our lips just happened to touch…_'" Arthur threw his eyes in the air and growled in annoyance.

"Sshh..." Morgana tried soothing, trying to get his mind off it before he blew up. She began patting his nose with the warm cloth, he squirmed and repelled at first, but after her persistence he gave in to let her dab the blood away.

"Why did you come _here_?" Morgana asked, trying to change the subject as she patted the blood away from Arthur's nose.

"First person I thought of." Merlin confessed.

"Hang on…." Morgana turned to look at him with a furrow of her brows. "Why were you there at Guinevere's work? I mean, I know you two are joined at the hip but this is getting ridiculous." She let a small laugh escape her lips, but Arthur didn't budge, not even a flicker of a smile.

"Gwen rang me…" Merlin looked awkward as he brought up the subject again, even mentioning her name.

"Arthur apparently broke the photocopier slamming Lancelot's head off it…" Merlin gave a chuckle, but Arthur ignored his friend's insensitivity.

Morgana brought her attention back to Arthur and shot him a reassuring smile. "Come on, it's alright." She looked at him with her longing smile, seeing him broken like this- it only broke her. But she was unfixable as it seemed, and surely this should be the best news of all to her ears, that he and Guinevere seemed over, that Arthur came to her for guidance; but she hated it. It was not worth seeing him like this, and if she could she'd take all the pain off him and smash _Gwen's_ head off a photocopier.

"Well… At least you have me to clean you up; I guarantee Lancelot is in a worse state." She gave him another of her smiles, but he would not look at her again; he always seemed delighted on an ego boost.

"Yes, and he probably has Guinevere to clean him up." Arthur stated folding his arms and looking like he might shatter if she poked him again with the cloth, thankfully all the blood was cleared.

Morgana stood up and looked to Merlin and shrugged his shoulders. Before he caught Morgana and whispered in her ear as she cleaned the cloth at the sink.

"Look, I'm going to go see if Gwen and Lancelot are alright… I'll be back soon." He whispered, not wanting Arthur to know he was going to check on the 'enemy'.

"Will he be alright here?" Merlin asked.

"Of course, of course- it's fine. Take as long as you need." Morgana nodded, shooting him a reassuring look that said 'we'll talk later' and before long Merlin was gone, Arthur not even noticing his friend's disappearance.

Morgana turned to him after a few short moments, not knowing what to say. What could she say_? I'm so desperately in love with you that I'm thrilled to hear your fiancé cheated on you_? But she wasn't happy after all… But she was right in saying Gwen didn't deserve Arthur, she had broken his heart when Morgana knew she would never do that, to her Arthur was utterly perfect and always had been, Gwen had simply thrown all that away; idiot.

"Look at you!" Morgana fussed like a mother to a child. "You're shirts covered in blood…" She bent down to scrub it again with the cloth.

"Doesn't matter…" He trailed off, not caring.

Morgana however continued and looked at him with a warm smile. "Do you remember, I was always trying to clean you up before Uther seen you- when we were little." This time the smile on her lips was sincere, everything was perfect back then, when they both belonged to each other.

Arthur gave her a smile and a small nod, as though just going along with her, but really he could remember, it was sad in a way, how thing had changed.

"We ran away after Sunday Lunch and got our new clothes destroyed, I'd have to clean you up before Uther saw you." She chuckled at the memory, when they were children; constantly going on adventures to fight imaginary dragons and pretending to be Knights, even if Arthur always moaned that girls couldn't be knights.

"And I'd have to clean _you_ up!" Arthur protested, not wanting to sound like the cry-baby in it all.

Morgana scoffed in a reply. "No you didn't- I didn't care what Uther did to me, it was you who would be afraid of what your father would do!" Morgana gave him an amusing smile.

"Yes, well he always gave me the worst scolding- I was his son, therefore everything was always my fault." He rolled his eyes, his father never changed.

Morgana chuckled, how innocent and silly they were back then, everything was ruined now. She concentrated on the scrubbing of Arthur's shirt, but it was useless, the blood stain would stay and forever be a memory of this horrible night.

But Arthur awoke her from her persistence and she glanced up at him.

"What happened to us?" He confessed, seemingly he realised how perfect it was back then, but Morgana modestly shook him off.

"What? Nothing- we're just as we are." She explained, forgetting the small detail that back then she was promised him, now he was stolen away.

"No, we're not. Everything has changed." He sighed, knowing surely she understood. "We used to be so close back then…" Another heartfelt sigh escaped and he looked to her now, to meet his gaze.

"Well…" Morgana shrugged her shoulders. "We grew up I suppose, life got in the way." She admitted life had ruined everything for her now, back then; when she had her entire life ahead of her, she always imagined her and Arthur together, completely devoted to one another, but life was cruel.

"I could always trust you…" He confessed, Arthur had spent his entire life with Morgana, when her father died she had come to live with him and his father, at first they had not got along as well, but then he discovered she wasn't like every other girl. He used to tell her everything and she would always be there, no matter what, guiding him and helping him when everyone turned away, _he was blind_.

"You still can." Morgana gave him a warm smile and met his gaze, wanting him to know that things hadn't entirely changed, he would never be hers, but she would rather have this than nothing.

"I'm sorry Morgana, I haven't always treated you the best." Arthur confessed at once, it was Morgana there his whole life yet he always bypassed her, and now he realised who she was, and how kind-hearted she could be.

"Arthur, stop it…" Morgana gave a small blush. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She rolled her eyes, thinking he was speaking out of hurt, that his pain was making him realise. But she stood up nevertheless and made her way to the sink again.

"It should have been you, you know." Arthur said at once, before it was too late, before he realised what he was doing- before his head got in the way of his heart. He looked to her for an answer, hoping and praying he'd get one, _an honest one_.

Morgana froze, feeling her stomach plunge at his words. What was he saying?

"Arthur, come on…" She shook it off modestly and went to the sink and dug the cloth into the soapy water. "You don't know what you're saying."

"No, I do!" He demanded, as he watched her slowly clean the cloth, knowing she was taking no heath of it, but of his words more so. "You should be the one with the ring on your finger, you should be the one sharing the same bed as me, you should-"

"Stop it!" Morgana shouted at once, making a loud splash in the sink water. She breathed in and out slowly, taking in his words and their meaning, wondering if he was truly meaning them or just _saying_ them.

"Stop it before you say something you regret- Guinevere is yours, and you and I both know it will stay that way." Morgana told him, turning to look at him now, she knew he would go back to Gwen, he loved her after all, he gave her looks he never gave another, he told her things he didn't dare confess to her, _he loved her_.

"How do you know?" Arthur stood up, seeming annoyed.

"Because you're engaged to her for God sake!" She retorted immediately. "You obviously love her, if you didn't, why would you be here?" She asked, or more so demanded. He was being irrevocably ridiculous, and she didn't want him to confess love he didn't feel.

"It was me who suggested come to yours, Merlin wanted to take me home; but I couldn't face it." He told her, standing up and closing the distance between them.

"Arthur. Home is the best place for you, when you wake up you'll realise you still love Gwen, despite what she's done." Morgana spoke into his face, he was so close to her now, and for less than a second she wondered if this was what it would be like, if they were together, completely devoted in love and lust.

"But I don't love her anymore Morgana…." Arthur told her, and her stomach swirled, the words she longed to hear for so long, she only dreamed of this scene now, and it was happening, but oddly enough she couldn't divulge in it, it felt so very wrong to do this.

"Then who do you love?" Morgana was slightly annoyed by him, why was he doing this? It would only mess her up more. "Me?" She shook her head and scoffed sardonically, as though the idea would be simply Ludacris.

But he didn't reply, instead his face just got closer and closer to hers, it was happening. And to her horror, she stopped it, pushing him away like a stray cat.

"Stop it Arthur!" Morgana almost begged, looking away from him now, she knew he would wake up and still love Gwen and that he would regret Morgana, and she could never be regretted, she'd rather die with the pain it would inflict.

"Why?" He raged. "Don't you see; I realise now, it's you, it's always been you!"

"Well if that's the case why are you engaged to Gwen and not me!" She spun around to glare him, although she couldn't help the longing and heartbreak in her voice.

"I don't love her, not anymore!" Arthur confessed, walking close to her again and pinning her hands down by her sides, and she didn't stop him this time, she just looked to his eyes, getting lost in all that was his blue stare.

This time his lips fused closer and closer to hers, before finally they met and she somehow hated herself for letting it happen, now she was just as bad as Gwen. And suddenly she realised why; Gwaine.

She pulled away from Arthur's lips as soon as they touched but still stayed close. "Gwaine." She whispered, so he heard her; only him.

Gwaine was Arthur's friend, he didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to give Gwaine a reason for bashing _his_ head off a photocopier, but he shook him off immediately. Nothing would ruin this.

He pushed his lips this time more effortlessly to Morgana's, infusing them as one, pulling her close and keeping her there, his hands fisting through her hair, pulling it from the bun it was tied in, so it flowed miraculously down her back. She kissed him too, wanting this as much as he wanted it, knowing she'd regret everything come morning or sooner.

The kiss became more heated as seconds dragged, and Morgana hated herself for letting it happen. But her selfish side kicked in, every time she thought of pulling away she only became closer, closer and soon things weren't as innocent as a kiss anymore.

She wanted this, she always had; she had always wanted Arthur, because he had always been hers, and now she was finally getting him, now they could be happy and have the life she dreamed of. But other complications lay ahead, but she was so infused with passion and love and the only thing that mattered was Arthur, which was why she didn't care what she'd have to face in the morning, because what she faced now was much more real. She didn't want to be regretted, but she also didn't want to regret Arthur either, and she wouldn't.

She clung to him now, through heated kisses and lustrous whispers she gave in. She let him do as he wished because she wanted it. He kept her close and against the counter, pushing her there, their lips never breaking apart, as his hands ran over her body, tugging at her pyjamas and she found herself running her hands over the plains of his chest, undoing the buttons as her fingers laced the blood stains that would be a reminder of the regret.

Now they were one, but with both of their minds so encrypted with covetousness thoughts of power and greed and authority of demanding and dominating the other that the enclosed abyss that was the igniting fantasy of their subconscious was finally filled, with love, yearning and the overpowering sense of desire.

The trust of the moment was not broken by thoughts of their betrayal, or their pain and anguish or how they would feel come morning, all that mattered was what they felt now, and it was a mixture of elation and thrill that raptured them and made them whole.

And finally, the pleasuring sense of bliss and inclination was over, now they were as they had been only seconds ago, the same longing for each other but the tension that once ignited their feelings was slowly simmering and now, both of them had realised what they had done, both of them were as bad as the reason that had got them here.

Now the overpowering sense of guilt and agony stifled through them, now they just stared at one another, mouths ajar, both Morgana and Arthur frightened of the prospect and infuriated with how they had let a silly thing of lust get in the way of things, now everything seemed as it had before, broken and truly unfixable, and if anything Morgana felt worse than before, because now not only did she have to face Arthur returning to his first love, but she also had to live with the guilt that she had committed a betrayal against Gwaine, and he would feel as she once had.

But within seconds the door opened and Merlin barged in, only to see Arthur pull away from Morgana quickly, both of them pulling the stare way to the floor, both painted with guilt and greed.

"Uh…" Merlin muttered, knowing he had walked in on quite a scene as Arthur tried his best to button up his shirt whilst Morgana fumbled to adjust her nightgown so she looked presentable and decent.

"We should go…" Arthur muttered turning to Merlin, never meeting Morgana's gaze again.

"Right… Right…" Merlin muttered again, letting Arthur move past him to the front door, before Merlin looked to Morgana and she looked back, with a look of pain and hardship.

He said nothing, and Merlin followed Arthur, Morgana could not help but catch the look of disappointment in her friend's stare, but all she heard was a simple 'Bye' before he door banged shut and she was left in the mess she had created.

Tears warmed her eyes and pained filled the hole that lust had moments ago. Now she grieved, not because she betrayed Gwaine or because she gave into her desires, but because she had just been used; and she felt worse because she had allowed it to happen, when she knew this would how it would end; in tears.

Tears streamed down her face, the overwhelming sense of violation running through her, Arthur did not love her and she knew he never would, yet she had become a simple toy in his games, a doll now cast aside because it was broken. Her heart sank in her chest and she felt sick with what she had become.

She wiped her eyes to make way for more warm tears that felt horrible and unjustified. Sobs choked her, she tried swallowing them, but that just left an overbearing pain until they broke free. She sniffled and wiped her eyes but decided after a few moments that it was simply no use, no matter what she did, however hard she tried to hold them back, they would never cease, because she knew in truth that she had committed wrong and became everything she swore not to. She had stupidly allowed a man _she_ loved to take her and use her as he pleased, before he left to get on with his life. She believed his lies of love and truth, she foolishly let him seduce her and gave him free reign of her body, and now she was left to suffer the consequences, with only her tears for comfort, and they were simply no comfort at all, but only a remainder of the fool she had become.

As though she could almost feel her heart shatter and break in her chest, she gasped for it to infuriate more sobs, her face red and blotchy, her eyes swollen and wet; if only he could realise how dearly she loved him, how she would have done anything for him; had she not proved it? She had tried to be strong, tried to ward him off, but it was what she had always wanted; Arthur. And if he wanted to love her, she would be a fool to not let him, but she never thought it would leave her like this, and now he would go back to Guinevere and she would be left to pick up the pieces again, she would be left alone to fix everything. Merlin would hate her, Gwaine would hate her, Guinevere already seemed to hate her and now Arthur wouldn't be able to look at her.

It was dawning on 3am now, and she allowed herself to sit sobbing in the kitchen until light broke through her windows, she was better off away from the world, in a ball in her home, ruefully thinking over the crimes she had committed and the monster she had become.

_**A/N:**_

**Okay, I hope you all like this chapter! ^^ And I have updated a day later, like I promised! (Or maybe a little later…) Anyway, I truly hope you enjoy this one! I had fun writing an ArMor scene and as you can see this chapter is completely devoted to ArMor! There will be a LOT more ArMor in the rest of my chapters! ;D And as you can expect more heartbreak and hurt lie ahead…**

**Also, I want to say a thank you to 'Lily' who has been waiting on this chapter from her reviews, sorry for the wait! But I hope you enjoy! ^^ And of course thank you MILLIONS to all my other reviewers! I love you all! :D x**


	6. Chapter 6 A Sober Heart

**Chapter 6 **

_**A Sober Heart**_

Morgana's heart raced as she awoke the next morning, of course she could barely sleep; having went to bed around dawn, and now the clock read _12 o'clock_. All she wanted to do was get up and put things right, she was constantly reminded of last night and it hurt even harder after sleep.

There were a few, short moments; less than seconds where the world was just the world and she was a person, careless and free in it, but then she realised how she had got here, to this awful place; memories flooded her and she was reacquainted with the crimes she had committed, the pain she had caused and the mess she was left to fix.

She was sure everyone would, positive everyone would hate her, that if she dared stepped foot out of her home she would have no one, not a soul left to confide in. But she couldn't even admit she was being melodramatic, because it was all true. Arthur would be the wounded one, his fiancé had just cheated on him after all, Morgana would look as though _she_ had used _him_, and Merlin would believe she took advantage of his mental state.

Guinevere she was sure loathed her enough as it was, having snapped and scolded her for discovering the test, and she would hate her now because she was the only one who knew the truth. And that only left Gwaine. Gwaine, and his sweet face, his innocent way of loving her, he was different with Morgana than he was with the rest of the women he had been with, because to him, she wasn't just _any_ woman.

And now, Morgana had taken advantage of him, she had used him as Arthur had her; she was truly just as bad as Gwen.

She quickly got dressed, it didn't matter what she looked like; she had no one to impress anymore, and she almost sobbed at the thought. She needed to speak with Merlin.

Morgana rang his phone at least eight times, but there was no answer, sent him two dozen messages, and even went to his house; but no matter where she looked she could not find him, as though he had cut himself off from her. She could try Arthur or Gwaine, but after last night she couldn't look at either of them; perhaps Leon of Percival? But she didn't want to go to them in the state she was in, they'd ask questions and admitting her crimes was much too painful.

So, she waited for him on his doorstep. Despite the cold, and the small drizzle of rain that came and went, she was fine; just sitting there, where she could think alone. She had to put things right with Merlin, she saw him last night, that look of discontentment in his eyes said it all.

"Morgana." Merlin frowned as he entered through his garden gate, _finally_. The look on his face said everything, how he clearly knew she wanted him but he had been avoiding her.

"Merlin!" She shot up like a bullet and made her way to him, begging and pleading but he wouldn't hear her, he wouldn't even look at her.

"Merlin please, I know what you saw and I know what you're thinking!" She began in a frantic rush, but he ignored her and pulled his key out, shoving it in his door.

"Merlin please! Please, listen to me!" She begged, but he was blanking her again.

She felt tears warm her eyes again, Merlin; the one who had _always_ been there, was pushing _her_ away. If he closed that door, and locked her out she knew he would lock her out of his life for good, and she couldn't bare that at all.

"Please Merlin… It's not what you think!" Her voice was now a desperate plea, for him to turn around and look or it would be forever over, lost.

And thankfully he did look.

"No Morgana; you know, I actually can't _believe_ you!" He spat angrily, wanting to voice his words before he shut the door.

"I leave you alone with Arthur, after he found out _terrible _news, had his heart broken, and you- you take advantage of all of that! After you tell me you're in love with Gwaine!" Merlin raged at her hotly, pointing his finger at her as though she were a disobedient dog.

"No, Merlin- it wasn't like that!" She tried defending, but he cut her off again; clearly he had been holding this back.

"I was right all along!" Merlin gave a mocking laugh. "You've always loved Arthur, and you were just waiting on the right time to strike!"

"You make it sound like I'm some kind of vicious animal!" She snapped back, she didn't want to argue with him, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't expecting this, she deserved it.

"That's because you are!" He snapped back immediately, shouting this time.

Morgana was taken aback, she Merlin knew could be cruel and angry when he wanted to, but never had he called anything of this sort; and he was entirely serious; she was crushed.

"Arthur, Gwen; they are our friends! And you go and play _everyone_, just so you can get what _you_ want!" Merlin snarled at her ferociously.

"It wasn't just me, let me remind you!" Morgana tried to act angry, furious, or even aggressive; but instead she sounded like a whimpering puppy, her eyes wide and full of tears.

Merlin gave a laugh, clearly sarcastic. "Ha, Arthur just had his heartbroken- he didn't know what he was thinking!" Merlin stared at her now, and she could see no remorse for his words, no hint of regret or hurt that he was even saying them.

"This isn't all my fault!" Morgana tried snapping back, but it was no use; guilt overwhelmed her.

"Well then, whose is it?" Merlin asked sardonically. "You're supposed to love Gwaine, you're supposed to be our friends, and you're supposed to help Arthur; not seduce him!" He yelled in her face, and normally she would have snapped back and bitten him to shreds, but this time he had won.

"I didn't seduce him." Morgana spoke, looking down, knowing no matter what she said she would never win Merlin over.

"Right of course you didn't." Merlin threw his eyes in the air, expecting as much from her, he knew she would never own up to doing what she did.

"Merlin-" Morgana tried again but he turned and looked to her, with his brows furrowed.

"Go home Morgana." He hissed, turning to enter into his home again; and lock her out.

"Merlin, please it wasn't like that… If I could just get Arthur, he'd explain." She begged, knowing that Arthur couldn't surely go along with what Merlin thought, even though it seemed Arthur would never look at her again he would never let her take all the blame, _would he?_

"You'll do no such thing!" Merlin yelled, turning to face her again. "Haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?" Morgana asked, tying a strand of her ebony hair behind her ear.

"He's back with Gwen." Merlin told her, and as he did, Morgana's stomach flipped and she was sure she'd vomit if he went on.

"She's pregnant." Merlin said finally, and she couldn't help but notice that he seemed glad about it, she knew this child didn't belong to Arthur.

"But it's not-" Morgana tried again.

"I know it _may_ not be Arthur's, but he's happy Morgana- so I'm going to do nothing to spoil it for him, and neither are you." He frowned and said the words more of a command.

"But… But that's not fair!" Morgana shouted, disbelieving how Merlin could brush this off so lightly. "Guinevere is using this to make Arthur love her again, he doesn't- he told me!" She explained, feelings she was simply getting to overwhelmed by it all, of course she could expect no sympathy from Merlin.

"What he said last night Morgana meant nothing." Merlin told her, understanding he was being ruefully harsh, he could say a bit kinder if he tried, but she would never understand, she'd loved Arthur all her life and Merlin knew she was going to believe he loved her now because he said so out of hurt.

"You can't say that." Morgana looked to Merlin, her face a puzzled despair, longing for him to stop being cruel, wanting the old Merlin back- but he didn't come.

"I can, he was heartbroken; last night is forgotten." Merlin told her, and Morgana felt her stomach plunge.

Last night had meant everything to her, she loved Arthur and now he used that, he used her love for him against her. It meant everything to her, yet it meant nothing to him, she was left to pick up the pieces whilst he continued on with his life.

She felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes, whilst she turned on her heels, not wanting to meet Merlin's gaze, she didn't want him to know how deeply this has upset her, of course now she knew she had already came across as a whimpering fool, she realised Merlin was aware of her feelings, she always knew he had.

But Merlin wasn't stupid, he realised now just how much Morgana liked Arthur, and that his words would be beyond cruel to her. Now he realised he put his foot in his mouth, a little too late.

"Morgana!" Merlin tried calling her back, but she was already halfway up the footpath, walking with tears in her eyes and a heart as heavy stone.

…

Morgana returned home, and refused to let the tears turn into sobs, she could deal with them better when they just streaked silently down her face, of course as more tears came the overbearing lump in her throat became more painful and sobs would soon climax the sorrow.

She didn't want to cry, she didn't _ever_ want to cry, but now here she was, crying over _Arthur Pendragon_, she was pathetic because she knew he wouldn't dare shed a single tear over her, but that only made the heartbreak worse.

She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, nothing would make this day worse; so now she had to do something to make it better, but she knew nothing would do that either.

Her heart ached in her chest, she felt sick to her stomach, every thought was about him; there was simply no escape. She needed something to ease her pain, numb it for a while before she cried herself to death, before the pain of heartache killed her entirely.

Morgana wasted little time rooting through her kitchen cupboards, now all she wanted was something to rid her of the constant pain, and she found it.

The vodka stung and burnt as it sailed down her throat, so much so that it had her gasping for breath and some sort of pain relief for the burn that throbbed her throat, but within seconds it ceased and she found the bottle pressed to her lips once again.

Every time she took it away the gagging sensation to vomit overwhelmed her, mixed with the ache of the raw alcohol on her throat- she really should try mixing it with something, but then that meant it would take longer for her pain to numb, and she wanted it gone before she realised why she was doing this.

She drank and drank, until there was barely anything left in the bottle, a few times she found herself over her sink, sure she would vomit- the revolting raw taste alone was enough, but _finally_ she finished it, and dropped it there on her living room carpet, for it to roll and be a reminder come morning.

But it wasn't enough, she felt somewhat dizzy and dazed, tipsy would be a better word, but she needed more. Of course, she knew the vodka needed only a few more minutes to _fully_ sink in, but that was a few moments she didn't have to spare; that's when she remembered the bottle of wine she opened a few nights ago with Gwaine, and she was surprised he hadn't finished it.

Within less than 10 minutes that was gone too, and now she realised she didn't know what she was doing or saying. She could barely see and she couldn't remember what she did seconds ago.

Normally she'd be silly and giggling when she was drunk, but she had nothing to be silly and stupid about. Merlin hated her, it was obvious- he had told her things he would have normally kept from her, _painful_ truths that ached her heart; he believed she was some kind of seductress in animal form.

Then there was Guinevere, who knew that Morgana knew about her pregnancy test, she was obviously going to hate her, especially when she realised she had gotten a little intimate with her fiancé.

Gwaine would hate her because she betrayed him, she never _truly_ loved him, and she felt awful because he was entirely devoted to her, like she was to Arthur, and now she knew he would feel as she did; when she told him- but she could not bring herself to that just yet.

And that only left Arthur. Arthur had used her, told her things he didn't mean, took her heart and messed with it, played on her modest feeling. He deserved nothing, he was cruel and despite all he done she still loved him, but he knew nothing of her feelings; which was why she had to go tell him.

Morgana got up, and realised she would be safer off sitting down; but she had no time. Her head was spinning and her steps were wobbly and unbalanced. She brought herself to her mirror above her fireplace; her make-up was smudged and blotchy, all her eye make-up had fallen underneath her eyes, circling them and making them look tired and distressed, not exactly a lie, her hair was just as she had last seen it, wavy and long- nothing extravagant.

Of course, she looked utterly awful and not fit to go out in public in her state, but she didn't care; she was too drunk to notice.

Morgana wobbled out of her home, unsteady on her feet she almost walked into the garden hedge, but she continued down the pavement. Her mind was content on one thing; Arthur.

She couldn't see straight and at time she forgot where she was going and giggled to herself over her foolishness, but strangely enough she remembered through the constant blacking out.

And finally, there it stood- his house, and now she would go and do something she knew she would regret…

"Arthur!" She yelled noisily as she banged on the door loudly, leaning against it to stand up straight. "Arthur!" She cried again, and finally after a few short moments he answered.

"Morgana- what are you yelling about?" He snapped as soon as he caught sight of her, but his question was quickly forgotten.

"Morgana, what the hell has happe-

"No Arthur!" She cut him off, being dramatic and flamboyant in her movements.

"You listen to me!" She snapped. "I've came here, to tell you something!"

Arthur couldn't help but notice that she looked extremely drunk, she was wobbling all over the place and her words were all slurred into once sentence, not to mention she looked as though she'd been crying for 12 hours straight.

"Are you… Are you drunk?" He asked, but he didn't get a reply.

"How dare you!" Morgana snarled, showing the whites of her teeth. "You _used_ me!" She rocked unsteadily. "You come over to _my_ house- in the middle of the night might I add- wanting comfort, and you got more than bloody comfort!" She shouted angrily, like an old woman.

"Morgana- shut up- you're drunk." Arthur told her, trying to pin her arms down by her sides before Guinevere came out, and he knew Morgana would end up spilling something, if she hadn't already.

"You let go of me!" She hissed, pulling away from him in an instant.

"I helped you and you took advantage of me!" She told him, now, her mood changing- obviously she was remembering how she truly felt, because her tone had turned into more of a plea- what he could make out of her words anyway.

"I didn't- Morgana, please!" He begged, wanting her to shut up, but she wouldn't.

"Why don't you understand how much I love you?" She yelped like a puppy, holding her heart in a dramatic way as though she were an actress on stage in front of thousands of people, quoting Macbeth.

"Morgana." Arthur couldn't help but scoff a little at her last remark. "Come on and I'll take you home, you're in no fit state to be anywhere." He told her with a smile, but she did anything than smile back.

"Let you take me home? Why- I thought you confessed all your love for me last night!" She said as a rather crude remark, and his eyes widened.

"Morgana- shut up!" He hissed aggressively.

"No, Arthur- it's true!" She snapped. "You told me you didn't love Gwen."

"Well, I do now okay, now leave!" He snapped angrily, pointing out of his drive.

"No Arthur, please!" She had returned to her begging state. "I love you- I've always loved you." Morgana tried reasoning, but she could barely make out what she was saying let alone Arthur.

"I've loved you ever since you this height." She put her hand down and measured a smaller version in thin air. "And I never stopped-"

"Stop now, and go home!" Arthur told her, within his eyes she would have known to back off because she had angered him, but she was drunk.

"No Arthur!" She huffed like a six year old girl. "You come over to my house and confess that you love me, then _do_ things that you don't obviously do unless you love someone, and then leave!" She remarked in disbelief, being sickening overdramatic, and the smell of alcohol off her breath was becoming nauseating.

"Why don't you love me?" She persistently begged, looking into his eyes, the longing in hers he surely could not miss, as well as the tears forming.

"Morgana- go home and clean yourself up, we'll talk when you're sober." He told her calmly, realising she had gotten herself into a bit of a mess, and the alcohol wouldn't help anything, it was making her overdramatic and over emotional.

"No, because you don't believe me, you think I'm drunk, you think I don't _really_ love you!" She told him, wiping the tears away on her sleeve, but she sniffled and more ran down her soft cheeks.

"Yes, I do- now go home, please." He begged, knowing if Guinevere seen her like this she'd ask questions and Morgana would have no fear in answering them.

"No Arthur, I love you, I've always loved you- don't you think it kills me to see you with _that_ every day!" She indicated at Guinevere who was inside.

"Stop that now." Arthur shook his head in defence but made nothing of it due to her state.

"And then you come around to my house and you mess with me, you screw me up as if I wasn't screwed up enough already, how do you think that makes me feel- you _used_ me, when I love you so much!" She cried and sobs escaped now, she was withering mess in front of him, like a dying flower that had lost its bloom, his heart dropped in his chest- he had done this to her.

"Morgana, please…" Arthur begged, a tone of soothing in his voice, but she ignored him and wouldn't allow his comfort, it was _breaking_ his heart.

"Why do you…" She took a gasp of breath to infuriate more tears. "Why do you do this to me?" She sobbed now, long and hard and Arthur could do very little but stand back and watch, since she wouldn't allow him to touch her.

"I had no idea you felt this way…" He said finally, sighing at how stupid he had been. He had never seen Morgana like this; of course, some of her over emotional gestures where due to the alcohol, but still- he had never seen her so fragile, so upset and he hated it.

Arthur knew he was the cause for such pain; he had inflicted all of this on her, but what more could he do? He might not have loved Gwen as purely as he had done so last week, but she was expecting his child and he knew he couldn't just walk away from that, he at least had to try for the sake of his unborn baby.

But, that had its consequences, because now he became a monster in the eyes of Morgana who had obviously went and drank herself silly over it, and now she was reciting her feelings to him and she was sure she'd wake come morning and regret everything; she had never been one to openly share her feelings.

He opened his mouth to speak, to make amends, but she beat him to it.

"You know what?" Morgana said finally wiping her nose with her sleeve and trying to choke back the sobs that were nearly causing her to shake. "You and Gwen deserve each other!" She spat cruelly.

"Morgana, please- listen." Arthur tried to calm her.

"She sleeps around with everyone and you're just as bad!" She spluttered out between sobs and tears.

"Morgana!" Arthur scolded, disbelieving her last words.

"Typical of her, isn't it?" Morgana cried out. "She tries to win you back by lying to you!"

"Morgana!" Arthur snapped, until he realised what she had just said. "Wait- what did you just say?" He rose a brow in concern, what did she mean- Guinevere had confessed everything to him, there was no more lies.

Morgana gave a mocking laugh, scoffing is disbelief. "Oh, so you haven't heard?" She knew she was going to enjoy breaking him now as he broke her. "She's pregnant."

Arthur rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Obviously Morgana." This was clearly old news to him.

"Yes, but that's the funny part- the baby isn't even yours." She frowned sadistically at him, she would watch him break and shatter before her eyes and she would step over him and cast him aside like he had her.

"Morgana, I'd advise you to shut your mouth." Arthur snapped aggressively through gritted teeth, Morgana would say something like this, wouldn't she?

"Why?" She cackled now. "Because you know it's true, it's Lancelot's."

"Shut up!" He grabbed her by the arms and shook her violently but she only laughed in his face.

"You're just upset you're last to know!" She giggled drunkenly and quite sadistically but then she felt the hot strong on her cheek.

He had slapped her.

She was taken off-guard by his sudden reaction, in an instant it was like she had sobered up and realised what she had said, but she barely had time to say anything before he pushed her away from him and she stumbled awkwardly.

"Get out of my sight." He somewhat shipped through his teeth and she could see his eyes watering up- what had she done?

But both of their attention was brought to someone else; Guinevere who had escaped out of her home.

"Arthur?" She questioned when she saw his expression. "What's going on?"

But her attention was brought to a Morgana looking so desperately to an Arthur who would not slip her a glance, and she looked dreadful.

"Morgana?" Guinevere craned her neck to get a better view. "Are you alright?"

"Go inside Gwen." Arthur said calmly but Morgana knew he was trying to thinly cover his fiery anger that she'd feel the wrath of once she got inside.

"What's happened?" Guinevere asked, seeing that Arthur was on the brink of madness.

"I SAID GO INSIDE!" He shouted with a rage that shook her like a gale force wind.

Guinevere looked taken back, but to make matters worse, Merlin appeared running up the drive.

"Morgana, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Merlin told her as he ran up to stand with the other three.

"What's going on?" He questioned, once he noticed Guinevere looking hurt and Arthur looking beyond rattled; and then he looked to Morgana.

"Oh no." He whispered, seeing the tears stain her cheeks and her eyes red and blotchy, not to mention the strong stench of alcohol from her.

She looked up to him, tears racing down her soft cheeks. "Merlin, _please_." She begged in a whisper only he could hear. "I didn't mean it." She told him, but he took no heed.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, but Arthur would not look at him.

"Get her out of my sight Merlin." He gestured to Morgana, "I don't want to see either fo you."

Merlin looked quite hurt at his last remark, what had Morgana done?

"Arthur…" Merlin went up and grabbed him on the arm but Arthur shook his off immediately.

"You call yourself a friend." Arthur spoke bitterly into his face. "And you keep secrets from me?" He looked as though he could punch Merlin, but he refrained and kept walking and Merlin was wise enough to let him cool off, before he turned to Morgana and began trying to lead her out of the drive to take her home.

"Arthur, _please_." Morgana begged through sobs as she made for him and latched onto his arm, but he pried her off, saying nothing; and that's what she hated the most, how he was ignoring her.

"Please Arthur, I didn't mean any of it!" But Merlin grabbed her and led her away.

"What? She didn't mean what?" Guinevere asked in confusion, but Arthur seemed in a daze like disposition.

"I told you to get inside." He spoke bitterly, and she knew not to mess with him tonight.

…

"Please Merlin, I didn't mean to, I-"

"Sshh Morgana." Merlin walked with an arm around her to keep her balance, how much had she drank?

"No, I've ruined everything!" She sobbed, but he was trying his best not to think about the havoc she caused.

"No you haven't." He lied, trying to soothe her. "It'll be alright." He confirmed, knowing that she was in no fit state to be told truths, even if everything was all her fault; she'd realise that come morning.

_**A/N**_

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hoped I pulled of a 'drunken Morgana'. I want to dedicate this chapter to my wonderful friend Gemma who is one of the most amazing people ever and she helped me out A LOT with this story, she came up with a few ideas that I HAD to throw in, so a big thank you to her and of course to all you lovely reviewers! I hope you all take the time to review this chapter and I there is many more to come! :)

Love you all! :D


	7. Chapter 7 Cleaning up and Moving on

**Chapter 7**

_**Cleaning up and Moving on**_

Morgana pulled her eyes open, to find she wasn't graced with the split second of obliviousness that she normally had, instead she was fully aware of what had happened. She pulled herself up from her bed, to find her head ache and throb beyond belief. She winced at the pain, and then recoiled at the memories; although foggy they were still there.

It was when she realised what she was wearing; Pyjamas. A lilac long sleeved top with grey bottoms. Her brows knit together at once, as she looked in horror. Merlin wouldn't have changed her, surely. She'd kill him if he had.

"Morning." A familiar light voice had said, the figure which had said it stepped out from the corner of the room, Morgana hadn't noticed her at all, possibly because she was still drunk or too badly hung over to even bother scanning her eyes around the same room she slept in for months.

"Morgause!" Morgana beamed with a smile, but the smile was not returned. Morgause looked very annoyed, but very beautiful all the same. She wore a red polar neck with a black knee length fitted skirt, as well as black woolly tights and black boots. A patent black belt with a large buckle was fastened around her waist and her blonde hair hung loosely and in waves down her back.

"You idiot." Morgause shook her head, almost in pity for her sister who sat in the bed in front of her.

"What?" Morgana furrowed her brows again in confusion. She knew that if she lingered on what had happened last night she'd start crying and wailing and cringing in disgust with herself, although she knew she'd ruined everything with everyone, she'd ignore it for now.

"Merlin told me everything." Morgause frowned. Merlin had called her very late last night to explain everything. Morgause was absolutely repelled by her sister's behaviour, so she had to come, late in the night and let Merlin go home.

"Oh…" Morgana looked away from her and realised now that her sister would only shout at her, she was more like her mother than a sibling.

"Oh?" Morgause frowned angrily. "Oh? Did you just think I dropped by to visit?" Morgause snapped sarcastically to her sister who would no longer meet her gaze. "Did you think I just decided to drive all the way here at 4 o'clock last night to clean up your vomit and wipe your tears?" Morgause was snapped viciously at her sister now, annoyed and disappointed in her.

But Morgana was already disappointed in herself; she didn't need Morgause's shouting to tell her that. In fact she didn't need Morgause's shouting at all, she was a grown woman now not a child she could belittle or degrade.

"Shut up." Morgana whispered, she frowned in displeasure of her actions last night however, she knew she had ruined everything with everyone. Arthur most of all, she was an absolute idiot, truth be told Morgause was right and there was no denying it. Everyone would hate her and they had every reason to.

"No, I will not shut up!" Morgause snapped back aggressively as Morgana frowned and got up from her bed.

"Yes you will! And you can go home!" Morgana retorted as she stormed past her to the bathroom.

"Oh I'll gladly go home!" Morgause began as she followed her with fuming eyes. "And you're coming with me!" She growled.

"What?" Morgana half laughed as she spun around to face her. "I'm not going anywhere!" Morgana shouted back at her sister hotly.

"Oh please Morgana, it's obvious you can't look after yourself." Morgause brushed off with little care.

"Excuse me?" Morgana turned in anger now and stared at her.

"Oh come off it Morgana, you get silly and drunk over a boy you love." Morgause was half laughing at her sister, although cruel Morgause had never been one for much affection, she was very different from Morgana in that way.

"That's not fair!" Morgana told her in a mixture between sadness and anger. "That's not fair, you run off with some man you've known five minutes and now you try and tell me that I'm the idiot?" She questioned in disbelief, fuming and heated.

"Hush up Morgana; I did not know him for five minutes…" Morgause shook off with irritation.

"Well, it doesn't matter- that's why you left, for some bloke and I hardly ever see you." Morgana scowled, she had enough of Morgause, and it would be highly idiotic of her sister to start on her.

"I'm not even with him anyone; I broke it off with him months ago." Morgause corrected her with a fiery rage she saved for only Morgana, because Morgana had just the same temper.

"Or more like he ended it with you, I always knew he was useless, and he had enough women on the go to populate a small town." Morgana retorted, quite aggressively, and quite nastily she understood, but her sister deserved it, didn't she? Of course she didn't, if anyone Morgana knew how much it hurt to lose someone.

"This isn't about me Morgana." Morgause replied snidely. "I'm here for you, because Merlin asked me to come." Morgause explained, she didn't want to play games with her sister any longer.

"Why did Merlin ask you to come?" Morgana looked up to her with confused and angry eyes.

"Well, I expect he realises that you've potentially ruined a lot of things, you needed _someone_." Morgause told her with a shrug of her shoulders. "And really Morgana, having sex with a man in a relationship, against a washing machine… Are you really that trashy now?" Morgause winched at the thought, clearly she was a bit disgusted in her sister as to be expected.

"That never happened!" Morgana was quick to defend, angry that Merlin had gone into _that_ much detail, when it never even happened like that anyway.

"He told me he loved me, he didn't want to be with Gwen then…" Morgana tried to explain but Morgause looked on her rather sympathetically now, and she moved closer to her, placing both her hands on Morgana's cheeks, looking on her with a sort of twist of heartache and pitiful smile.

"Morgana…" Morgause whispered. "I know it's hard, but he didn't really mean it, he was using you…" It was clear Morgause didn't want to say it, but she had to. She had to be cruel to be kind.

"But he wasn't even with Gwen then, he'd just caught her cheating." Morgana tried to defend.

"And are you any better? What about Gwaine?" Morgause rose a brow, she was speaking softly now, and she did seem a lot kinder.

Gwaine. The name rung through Morgana's ears and made her heart churn in discomfort. She lightly pulled her sister's hands off her and looked away from her.

"You have to come with me Morgana, you can't stay here anymore." Morgause told her, in her eyes there was no other way and there really wasn't. She had ruined things for Arthur; she'd be surprised if he ever spoke to her again. Gwaine was left on the side-lines, broken and hurt and he didn't even know the half of it.

"No, I don't…" Morgana whispered, she didn't want to look at Morgause, because her blue eyes only made her feel worse about this whole ordeal.

"Yes…" Morgause told her, as though there was no other choice. "You and I will go and make things right and we'll tell you're… _friends_ you'll leave with me, tonight." Morgause concluded finally, it was a great plan she thought, but she doubted Morgana would take it so easily.

"And what, run away from everything? Just hope it clears itself up?" Morgana looked at her now, angrily and completely horrified at her suggestion.

"I am not you; I cannot run from the mess I have created!" Morgana shouted at her angrily, that was the reason Morgause had left after all. She had made a mess, and left Morgana all those years ago, she had gone to live with another man, latched onto him only because he told he could take her away from the mess, and that mess was a truly horrible one.

"Well, have fun staying here cleaning it up on your own." Morgause replied back slyly. "People won't help you, they won't show you mercy or pity- they'd rather let you drown in your own mess than help clean it." Morgause told her hotly, moving closer to her to look her sister in the eye.

"My friends aren't like that…" Morgana had snapped viciously, even if Morgause's past friends where. A horrible, rotten lot- up to know good, doing drugs and drinking all the time, Morgause used to be one of them. She had got herself into bother with the drugs, and all of her so called _friends_ had left her to fend for herself, that's when her fancy man found her, and took her off to leave her there too, whilst he whored around like the pig he was.

"_Friends?_" Morgause scoffed in disbelief. "I'm sure they'll all welcome you back with open arms!" Morgana chuckled, but shook the humour off quickly.

"Come with me Morgana… It's the only way, and you know it." Morgause said finally seriously as she looked to Morgana, her green eyes saddened and hurt.

"I cannot leave you here alone, watching you waste away like this." She told Morgana when she didn't reply, there was a long silence, before Morgana finally nodded, against all odds Morgause was right, she always was.

…

Around noon, when Morgana had cleaned herself up a bit, got showered and washed the disgusting stench of alcohol off herself, when she managed to keep down a breakfast and her overbearing headache had eased relatively, Morgana stepped out into the cold, misty world; ready to clean up the mess she made.

She would go to Merlin first, because Merlin always seemed to be accepting no matter what. She would tell him of her plans and apologize, obviously. Of course, she didn't want to, she didn't want to face anyone. But Morgause had forced her, whilst she stayed home and packed Morgana's things, claiming she needed to be back home before work tomorrow.

The mist drenched her face, and her long, thick dark locks clung to her pale cheekbones as she wandered up the pathway. She thought of everything, everything she had done and wondered why she needed to be sorry, truly. In fairness, she had realised that her acts were selfish and there would have been a better way to tell Arthur that Gwen was carrying Lancelot's baby, but it was done now, and if Arthur hated her, well she could hate him too. He used her and hurt her and kicked her to the side like a broken doll, and she'd have enough of it, although the saddest and most pathetic part of all was that she would gladly come running back to him, yet he would never do the same for her.

Morgana walked up Merlin's path and knocked on the door, there were a few moments where she was sure she's have a fully flared panic attack and contemplated running back home to hide, but it was too late, the moment was upon her when the scruffy Merlin answered the door to her, with an expressionless face.

"Morgana." He said as though he was surprised to see her, after they shared a look for a long moment.

"Look, Merlin…" She trailed off, what could she say? Would sorry be enough? Her eyes strayed away from his, she opened her mouth to speak again but Merlin stopped her.

"Come in, you're soaking." Morgana listened to him and dug her hands into her pockets awkwardly, and she stood in the hall, but Merlin wandered into his small, messy living room, where a computer desk lay, piles and piles of books lay splattered about and old coffee mugs lay leaving rings on the furniture.

"Sorry about the mess." Merlin shrugged his shoulders, with an awkward smile.

But Morgana could say little about messes, because last night she was the biggest mess of all. Books, pages and dishes could be lifted and put away, but Morgana was afraid she might never be able to clean up the mess she made, and by trying to she feared she'd make a bigger one.

Merlin was younger than everyone, he was in his last year at University and he was studying whenever he got the chance, although he never made studying an issue and everyone even wondered if he studied at all, but now she was proof that he did.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, I'd come back another time, but…" Morgana shrugged her shoulders, indicating at the rather big situation none of them could avoid.

"No, no." Merlin said, sitting back down at his computer chair, he looked at her and gestured for her to sit.

Morgana lifted a magazine that lay slumped on the cream sofa and sat on the edge, she didn't want to get comfortable, because she'd be leaving very soon.

"I'm sorry, about last night…" Morgana said finally, she sighed with relief but there was no relief, just the aching realisation that she was fool.

Merlin wanted to tell her it was fine, but it wasn't.

"I shouldn't have told Arthur about Gwen and I shouldn't have got drunk…" Morgana shook her head in disappointment with herself, realising now that she had just confessed her love to Arthur in a drunken manner, but she could deny that, right? Not like it would matter, it wasn't like Arthur cared greatly about how she felt over the smallest of matters never mind this one.

"I should have kept out of it all really, it was nothing to do with me and yet here I am…" Morgana told him, looking away from his judging eyes, but when she gathered the courage to look at his blue stare, she realised he didn't seem to be judging at all.

"And despite what you think, I _didn't_ seduce Arthur, I wouldn't…" Morgana told him finally, it would be her last chance to put things right with him, but she doubted he'd believe her.

"Really Morgana, given what's happened I'm having a hard time believing that…" Merlin confessed, although not wanting to argue now, the time for arguing was over.

"Please Merlin, I'd done a lot of bad things, but I wouldn't do that… I was angry with him, why else do you think I'd go knocking on his door at that hour?" Morgana asked him, but she didn't expect a reply.

"Because you love him, because you can't bear to see him with Gwen?" Merlin told her, screwing up his face in astonishment.

Morgana stood up concluding the conversation altogether. If anyone, she thought Merlin would understand most of all, but she was clearly mistaken.

"I can see we're not going to agree on that matter." Morgana told him, she could no longer meet his gaze, because it was cold and this time it _was_ judging her.

She went and made for the door, feeling tears warm her eyes, for the fact that Merlin, over everyone was judging her, and she couldn't really bare that.

"Why did you come here?" Merlin asked finally, he didn't move but his words made her stop in her tracks. Morgana had nothing to apologize to him for, it was Arthur and Gwaine, she had committed no crimes against him.

"To tell you I'm leaving, with Morgause." Morgana told him, but she didn't turn around.

"When? And how long are you going for?" Merlin asked, realising that phoning Morgause last night might have been a foolish move, Morgause would only plant seeds in her head, and control her, telling her what the right decisions where.

"Tonight." Morgana told him. "And I don't know, but I wouldn't count of seeing me for a while." She informed him; she wanted to laugh at her own words. Merlin wouldn't want to see, her no one would.

"Why?" Merlin asked curiously, he didn't believe Morgana was the type to run away.

"Because I can't bare that long for the rest of my life." Morgana turned and faced him now, he was still seated, and the tears that glistened in her eyes even threatened to spill.

"I can't bear_ that_ look, that _condemning _look from everyone." She gritted her teeth and gestured to his stony glare. "I admit what I done was wrong, the least you can do is believe the truth when I tell it!" She almost screamed at him, but her temper couldn't captivate her now, all the shouting and crying in the world wouldn't fix this.

"Well…" Merlin looked away from her, Morgana even though he looked a bit ashamed. "I can't believe lies." He said finally, and with that Morgana stormed away and open the door.

"But…" Merlin spoke up at once, when he heard his front door opening; he prayed she hadn't left without hearing his final words.

"I can't hate you for it." He told her, and she came back into his view at last, her face a mixture between sadness and relief.

"I'll miss you Morgana…" Merlin told her, his lips even twisting into a half smile of melancholy. He still believed what she done was wrong, but she had apologized, he could ask no more. He wanted her to stay but he knew why she had to go, he understood her devotion to Arthur, and sticking around would only fuel the fire.

"I'll miss you too Merlin." Morgana concluded, with a soft smile before she vanished out the door, fearing the grief would eat her whole before she even reached the garden gate.

…

Gwaine was next. Gwaine would was oblivious to everything, except that he loved Morgana. He had called her numerous times, but she rejected all his calls, he had asked everyone where she was or where she'd been and they'd told him she was home, and when he knocked late at night at her door, she didn't answer.

Morgana knocked on his door, it was big and red, and it was the only house on the street that didn't have flowerbox out, despite it being December now. Morgana found that strange.

Finally the door opened, and for a second she caught a glimpse of smile under his rugged beard and messy hair, but it vanished when he realised who it was.

"Oh, and what honour to I owe this pleasure?" He stated sarcastically before he turned to re-enter his living room.

Morgana followed him and closed the door. His house was very dark, and extremely pokey, she had trouble understanding why he would even want to live in it, but this was Gwaine, as long as it had a bed, he was happy, because he was otherwise preoccupied with drinking and women.

"Let me explain." She told him, but it seemed he paid her no heath.

Gwaine slumped down, like a slob on his brown leather sofa; he put his bare feet up on the coffee table and resumed watching television as he swigged his beer.

"I'm going away." Morgana began, but it was almost like talking to a child, he was huffing with her, giving her the cold shoulder and she doubted it was the best policy to have when she was about to break up with him.

"Why?" He mumbled, never taking his eyes off the television.

"Because… I have to." She told him, he knew little of last night, of Arthur or of Guinevere and Lancelot, and she wanted to keep the truth of him, but that was only cruel.

"I won't be coming back." Morgana told him when he didn't reply.

"Why?" Gwaine raised his eyes from the television and looked at her, as though he had dropped his childish huffing and exchanged it for childish, wide, puppy dog eyes.

"Gwaine, I'm sorry- but… I can't be with you anymore…" She looked away from his dark eyed stare now, she couldn't look at him, it was wrong and she was selfish and cruel and horrible.

"Why?" He asked, his face screwed up in confusion as he begged her for an answer, but she couldn't give him one.

"Because I don't love you…" She whispered, she didn't want to say it, but it was nothing but the truth. She didn't love Gwaine; in fact she'd be fooling herself if she said she ever did.

"What have I done? I can fix it- tell me so I can fix it." Gwaine was on her now, holding her hand and sweeping a strand of hair from her face, a begging in his voice.

But she wouldn't look at him, she brushed him off her, it was wrong to let him do that now, it was always wrong, because every time he made some sort of gesture like that she imagined it was Arthur.

"It's nothing you've done." She told him. "I just don't love you." She whispered, the words were cutting her apart, and she could only imagine how he now felt.

"Why are you telling me this?" Gwaine screwed his face up in confusion, he hadn't seen her in days and now she called planting all this upon him.

"Because it's true and I can't lie to you anymore." She looked to him, almost proving a point- she didn't lie, and she wouldn't.

"I've never loved you." She told him, she was being cruel now, and tears shone in her eyes and some even managed to drip free and run down her face, but she wiped them off with annoyance, it wasn't her turn to cry anymore.

"Then why did you-" Gwaine began, angry rising in his voice, but Morgana cut him off.

"Because I wanted Arthur, I wanted to make him jealous." She spat with all the sorrow in the world, and now this dark, gloomy house was the perfect setting for such a heartbreak.

Gwaine gasped, astonished by her.

"Get out." He told her calmly, realising he had been used, the one person he loved more than anything was crushing him. It was hard enough for him to confess all his feelings and now he had they were being thrown back in his face.

"Please." Morgana whispered.

"I said get out!" He yelled aggressively, but he wasn't getting rid of her that easily.

"Don't you think I already hate myself enough? I didn't want to hurt you!" She yelled back at him, angry tears rushing down her face.

"Oh I'm sorry, how horrible for you!" Gwaine snapped hotly and sarcastically.

"You deserve someone better than me…" Morgana whispered now, looking to his eyes but he would not meet them.

"Oh just get out Morgana, I don't want to hear it." He brushed off angrily, and it was then she realised how horrible she really was. Arthur had treated her like this and she was really no better now, she had hurt Gwaine so sorely, there would be no point sticking around and begging for forgiveness she would not receive.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered finally, before she let herself out. He did not follow; in fact she doubted he even moved from that same spot. Reconciling any friendship with Gwaine would be a miracle, and now she wondered if she'd ever see him again.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, and a few sobs escaped before she managed to bottle them up, she'd save them for later, when she was in Morgause's house, when she was alone, looking back on all of her friends, and how she had carelessly thrown them all away.

…

This one, was the most daunting of all. Arthur Pendragon's house lay at the end of the street, it was big and white, with Arthur's car nestled in the drive, thankfully Gwen's was nowhere to be seen, but she wondered whether she should be even thankful. She had ruined his life with her after all.

She didn't want to knock on his door; in fact she had an argument in her head with herself on the way up the drive of whether she should run.

But then she needed to know if Arthur would speak to her, because if he hated her, it was game over.

Arthur answered, caught sight of who it was and closed the door again, but Morgana wedged her foot in the door to stop him.

"Please…" She whispered and he sighed and walked away from the door, she followed him inside and shut his door behind her.

"I don't want to see you." He spoke finally when he reached the kitchen.

"Well, it's now or never." Morgana told him as he leant over the countertop, his back to her.

"I'm leaving with Morgause tonight." Morgana told him when he would not reply to her last comment.

"Oh, smart one Morgana." He turned and faced her now; his tone was vicious and snarling.

"Run away when you make a mess; call our big sister to clean it up for you." Arthur said bitterly, and Morgana knew she would not hope for an ounce of forgiveness from him, but it wasn't like she expected it.

Morgana looked away from him, she didn't want to run away, but everyone seemed to hate her, she couldn't stick around for more hate.

"I'm sorry Arthur about everything, really I am." She looked up to him now, her face full of sorrow and guilt, but he didn't seem to care at all.

"You're so spiteful Morgana, so selfish." He told her resentfully.

"You couldn't bear to see Gwen and me happy, so you ruin it." He shouted the last few words at her, she winched at his raised voice.

"Gwen was lying to you, you didn't deserve that!" Morgana looked up to him, defending herself, although her defence was almost laughable.

"So much for breaking it to me lightly, eh?" Arthur made a face, he was so sarcastic- she wanted to punch him, but she'd done enough damage.

"Where is she anyway?" Morgana asked after a few moments.

"I don't care." Arthur told her calmly, "I threw her out; no doubt she's gone running back to that pig's bed." He told her bitterly, and there was no doubt of who he was talking about; Lancelot.

"I never meant it to be like this…" Morgana looked to the floor, shaking her head slightly. She was a fool, and now she was a hated fool.

"Yes you did, you're horrible and selfish and-"

"No, I'm not!" Morgana snapped back, tears threatening to spill again.

"I'm no crueller than you; at least I have the guts to apologise!" She yelled angrily at him, she hadn't forgotten what he'd done to her; she would admit she was cruel, horrible and every other nasty word she could think of, but she wasn't selfish.

"Me, apologise?" Arthur spat at her in disbelief. "I'm not the home wrecker here- _you are_!"

"Don't you dare call me that?" Morgana snapped back hotly. "I didn't see you running back to Gwen to tell her you'd confessed all your _love_ to me!" She said sarcastically as her brows were furrowed, she wanted to hit him, punch his beautiful, sweet face and all the heartache it brought. "You two deserve each other!" Morgana snarled viciously through gritted teeth.

"I didn't see you running off to tell Gwaine either, are you accustomed to stringing boys along like dogs?" Arthur replied hotly, his teeth gritted too. He wanted nothing more than to slap her, to make her pale, perfect cheek twinge and flush red from the sting.

"Is that why I just broke up with him then?" Morgana said wickedly, feeling some sense of satisfaction for winning this time.

Arthur was finally silenced; it seemed he had got all the anger that had been bottled up inside of him out. The anger seemed to slither off his face, replaced with an expression of defeat, one Morgana would have normally gloated at, but not today, today her face sat full to brim with sorrow, hurt and guilt. Arthur could blame her for everything, and he wanted to, but that wouldn't be fair. He didn't love Guinevere anymore, and giving her up wasn't as hard as he had imagined, apart from the fact that she was lying in a bed with one of his previous best friends. Morgana, if anything had just made him realise the truth, if anything she had saved him from a marriage without love, from fathering a son that was not his own and from marrying a woman he did not love.

"Do you know…" Morgana almost laughed at her own idiocy, but her laugh was cold, and sore. "Do you know, I always wondered what you seen in Guinevere." Morgana confessed, but strangely she wasn't embarrassed now, because she was the bigger person.

"What did she have that I didn't? You know, why where you _so_ in love with her…" Morgana explained rather bitterly. "And then I wondered why I was _so_ in love with you, but I couldn't answer that question…"

"All you've ever done is make me feel worse than I already do, because every time I looked at you with _her_, I just couldn't face it… I've been living in hope and denial all these years, _like a fool._" Morgana felt tears warm her eyes, she couldn't look at him now, and it wasn't fair to let him see her so weak and she was _never_ weak.

"And then you knock on my door and tell me you love me, and I fell for it." Morgana admitted looking to him now, his perfect blue eyes staring back at hers.

"I couldn't have you then and I can't have you now, because I'll just never be good enough." She whispered as she looked to him, her heart yearned in her chest, she wanted to sob now, to let the tears she'd been crushing deep within her spill and captivate her, but she wouldn't.

Morgana turned and went to walk out of his door again, Arthur raised a hand to stop her but put it back down again foolishly when she looked over her shoulder at him again.

"And I'm not sorry, _I'm glad I got to hurt you_." Her voice was a mere whisper now, and she glanced up at Arthur who stood across from her, leaning against the countertop. She thought she might break, and she had just managed to compose herself before she slid out of the door, and that's when she broke, she was an unfixable mess.

It wouldn't matter who she ended up with, she would always want Arthur, for reasons she didn't know. But he would never want her, and that made her heart drop. He didn't even make an attempt to follow her, to even say goodbye, and still like the fool she was, she lived in a hope, knowing she'd always be disappointed by the end of it.

The tears crushed her, consumed her and she sobbed the whole way home. She tugged her hood up, to shelter her face and her hair from the mist that drenched her. She could live with hate from anyone, but not Arthur. She could deal with the fact that maybe Merlin would never look at her the same, or that Gwaine would loathe her, that Guinevere would shoot her daggers when she strolled by, or that even Morgause would occasionally wear a look of disappointment on her face, but when Arthur looked at her with hurt and grievance that she had caused, with a bubbling anger that she had fuelled, she knew she'd rather face the most horrendous death.

Now, Morgana would have to realise Arthur would never love her, not like he used to love Gwen, not even like a friend; he would hold no more affections for her now. Dreaming of a life with him would have to stop, because it would always just be a dream, now she would have to move on but she didn't see how that was possible. Her entire life she had spent with Arthur, she had grown up with him, spent each day with him, by his side.

As a child she would tease him and taunt him, beat him wickedly at play sword fights, track pretend dragons down with him in the forests. They would sneak into each other's rooms at night and he would scare her with ghost stories he'd have made up under the covers, with the light of torch. And then they grew older, and she realised she didn't love him like a brother, but something more. It was then she began dreaming foolishly, when she knew nothing of what was to come, and when Arthur was hers, and then Arthur had cast her away when he'd come home with new girls every night, and then he had come home with Gwen and she had never left, until now.

And now, she could not have him either, because he didn't love her quite like that. In her infatuated mass of destruction she had made him hate her, Morgana was to blame for everything she had inflicted upon herself, but she didn't see loving someone as a crime, and if Arthur was that foolish to believe that, well then that was his own mistake to make.

"I want to leave now." Morgana said the moment Morgause had opened the front door to her. Her sister seen how Morgana's face was covered in tears, how the rain had drenched her, how she seemed completely broken, Morgause said little; and instead pulled her younger sister into a warm embrace and let Morgana crumble.

…

"Are you sure?" Morgause asked Morgana before she got into the car, when she had finished filling the boot up with her last suitcase.

Morgana only nodded, this was the right thing to do. Morgause was right; she needed to get away and to move on. Staying here, would only make her pain worse.

Before Morgana got into the car, she checked her mobile phone. Nothing. Not one missed call or unopened text message. No one, not one of them; not even Merlin had tried to get in contact to tell her goodbye.

She stuffed the phone back her pocket and got into the car, staring intently out of the windshield, the sky growing dark around them and the rain smearing the glass. Morgause pulled out of the drive and drove away, away from all the hurt and all the pain, but Morgana doubted it would be so easy to leave behind.

…

"I don't want her to go either…" Merlin muttered as he sat on Arthur's couch sipping hot chocolate as he looked to Arthur who held his mobile in his hand.

"Really Merlin, you look bothered…" Arthur growled sarcastically.

"I just understand why she's going…" Merlin told Arthur as he munched at a biscuit getting crumbs everywhere.

"And why is that?" Arthur raised a brow. Merlin simply made a face at him, it was obvious, and Arthur didn't need a picture painted.

"Well… I'm angry with her, I hate her Merlin!" Arthur said but sighed in defeat with himself.

"No you don't." Merlin shook off with a mouth full.

"Just call her and tell her not to go…" Merlin said finally, and Arthur sighed again.

"And say what… '_Hi Morgana, you tried to ruin my life but please come back, I beg you…_'" Arthur mimicked sarcastically.

"Look, if you wanted her to go, you wouldn't be sitting here now, would you?" Merlin told him, proudly and rather wisely.

"Yes I would, I live here." Arthur made a face at him; Merlin was so stupid it was ridiculous how he was even doing a University degree.

"Why do I even want her back?" Arthur raised his voice in impatience with himself. He was so angry at Morgana, but yet the thought of not seeing her again made him feel guilty, and he knew, from earlier, he had everything to be guilty about; he had hurt Morgana and then let her take the blame.

"Because she has a good heart, and you know that… I mean, I know she was rather blunt and nasty about the whole Gwen thing, but you know she didn't set out to intentionally hurt you, she loves you." Merlin told him as though he were a blind idiot.

"And do I love her?" Arthur asked, although he was really asking himself. "No, I don't…" He shook off, he didn't want to think about what feelings remained for Morgana, he had told her he loved her, but did he mean it? Of course he did, he knew he did… But Merlin could never know.

"Are you sure?" Merlin raised a brow seriously at him.

"Yes of course I'm sure!" Arthur growled back aggressively.

"Well then, let her go- it shouldn't be that hard." Merlin told him. Merlin was really disappointed in Arthur; he'd watch Morgana go like that. Merlin would try and beg and plead her to stay, but Arthur was the only one who could do that.

"Fine!" Arthur yelled in annoyance with both himself and Merlin, Merlin grinned as Arthur got up and rang Morgana's mobile, bracing himself for the 'apologising' bit, something he wasn't particularly good at.

…

"It's Arthur…" Morgana was quite surprised to see Arthur's caller ID pop up on her phone. The ringtone played and her phone buzzed, and Morgause looked at her.

"Reject it Morgana." Morgause told her, and for a slit second Morgana wondered if she was mad, that Arthur could be calling to beg her to turn the car around, to confess his undying love to her, then she realised what she'd told herself; she needed to move on. She wasn't going to be second best over _Guinevere_.

And, although it broke her heart, Morgana pressed 'reject' and died a little inside when she did, before she threw the phone on the dashboard and let it lie there. Morgause smiled at her and Morgana smiled back, she wanted to cry though, but she couldn't, she had to be strong now.

…

"What is it?" Merlin asked when Arthur's face seemed to drop a little.

Arthur brought the phone away from his ear and looked to Merlin, shocked by what had just happened.

"She rejected my call…" Arthur said, before his brows furrowed before he gave away too much emotion to Merlin.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" Arthur yelled viciously at Merlin.

"Maybe she's…" Merlin began but Arthur growled angrily at him.

"Go home Merlin!" Arthur whined as he opened the door for his friend to leave.

"But I haven't even finished my hot chocolate!" Merlin's eyes widened, was Arthur mad?

"Well, let me help you!" Arthur snapped as he lifted the cup and poured it over Merlin's lap. Merlin got up and yelped at the burn before it settled and he frowned at Arthur.

"Go!" Arthur shouted, and before long Merlin was gone, leaving Arthur alone to mope.

Maybe he did love Morgana. Maybe he had been blind all these years, and maybe now that she was gone, he realised just how much his heart seemed to yearn for her. But now the tables had turned, now she didn't want him, and he truly understood how she felt. Broken, sore and maybe even bitter. He had inflicted all that pain on her and he hated himself for it, he made her cry, made her heart break and made her watch him love another every day. He really was _so selfish_.

_**A/N**_

**Hello! :) Okay, firstly let me apologise for the long wait. NEVER AGAIN, I PROMISE! I was extremely busy, although I know that is no excuse, I lost quite a bit of muse for this story. I am however, back on track with it. :) So don't worry. Also, thank all you wonderful people for reviewing and I hope you all love me still and this story, even though I don't deserve you all because I've made you wait so long. Just know that I WILL NOT be giving up on this story, so please don't assume because I haven't updated in a while that I'm going to abandon it, that would be cruel for both you and me and I would never do that, you have my promise! :) This chapter was so difficult to write, there is quite a lot of demand for this story over all of my stories, so I feel more pressured into making sure I don't disappoint you all, and I really hope I haven't so far. :S Your reviews mean the world to me and I want to thank you all for sticking with this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope you take a few more minutes to review. If you have any suggestions for this story (something you want to see happening or anything) don't hesitate on mailing or saying in a review. I know where I'm going to end it, but I do leave the initial storyline open quite a bit so I have room to change anything if I change my mind later on. ANYWAY, I will ease up on Morgana in later chapters, in case you think I'm out to give her a hard time. ;) Also apologies for any mistakes, I take full blame, but I doubt there's anything in there, apart from a few silly typos. :D I LOVE YOU ALL! And pleeeease review! :D xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8 Strange Occurrences

**Chapter 8**

_**Strange Occurrences**_

The night was dark, and the rain continued to splash off the windscreen. Morgana or Morgause hadn't said a word to each other since they had left, and now it was dawning on midnight and the motorway was empty in pitch blackness.

As they drove further and further away from home, Morgana couldn't help but have a deep churning of regret in her stomach, that she might squeal for Morgause to turn around any moment. But then she looked to her sister, slightly drowsy from driving so long, and the heat didn't help, but Morgana knew that she was making the right choice, her sister was always right, or so it seemed.

After a few short moments there was a bright light at the side of the road, and Morgause pulled in to what was a small petrol station.

"Do you want anything?" Morgause asked as she took off her seatbelt and opened the side door of her car.

Morgana simply shook her head and forced a smile, as Morgause trotted off to the shop, leaving Morgana alone. There was nothing now, just silence. No content buzz of the motor, or the muffled blur of the radio, just her. And she hated it. She was alone to think of what she was doing, of who she was leaving behind and of the person she wanted most but couldn't have.

But she dare not even think his name. It would be foolish, given the fact that she was trying so hard to forget. But she didn't really want to go away, to make new friends and live a completely new lifestyle.

She wanted her old life back; she wanted everything back when everything was perfect. When no one hated her, and she didn't feel utterly heartbroken all of the time, when all of her friends liked her and didn't loathe her for something she thought was right. But she had ruined everything, like a selfish child who hadn't got what they wanted.

For a second, Morgana allowed herself to think of that night. Although she was drunk, she _wanted_ to hurt Arthur, to crush him with the news that Gwen was carrying Lancelot's child. She wanted to see Arthur heartbroken for once, but oddly she didn't get the same sense of satisfaction out of seeing his eyes flash with anger and hurt. That moment the words had spilled out of her lips she wanted to take them back, because seeing him hate her like that was just not worth it.

However, she was awoken from her thoughts when Morgause climbed back in the car with a warming smile, she said nothing and started the engine and drove home, _her_ home.

…

It was past one in the morning when Morgause pulled up to her small little cottage, hidden in the countryside. Where only the sweet smell of flowers and nature lingered, and the silent contentment that was obscure.

The cottage was like something from a storybook; it was white with a thatched roof, flowers bloomed up the walls in terraces with a small front lawn, adorned with a little fence. It was very unlike Morgause to live here, Morgana had taken her for more of an apartment sort of girl, but Morgause was more secretive and secluded than her sister, so somewhere hidden away in the English countryside was only fitting. Although Morgana only wished she had lived somewhere like this. She had imagined a home like this when she was a little girl. But it seemed to wrong to want it now, because she couldn't share it with the one person she wanted to.

"You'll be happy here Morgana…" Morgause told her as she locked the car, looking over to her sister who seemed consumed with sadness.

"Yeah, but for how long?" Morgana raised a brow at her, shaking off her saddened with a more angered one. "I don't fancy pruning the rose bushes with you when I'm ninety years old." Morgana growled before she stormed ahead of her and opened the gate, waiting at the door for Morgause to come and open it.

Morgause simply let her sister be, she knew she was going to be unbearable for a while, because she knew her sister well. She didn't ever want to cry or act sad; instead she'd pursue all her hurt into anger and take her sadness out on everybody else.

Morgause opened the front door and Morgana wandered inside. She hadn't been here since summer, and that was a few months ago. She had no idea then that the next time she'd return would be when she decided to live with her.

Morgause had a spare bedroom, which would now be Morgana's permanent bedroom. The walls where lilac, with 3 framed pictures of forget-me-nots on the walls. It was basic, with mauve curtains and a mauve bedspread, but Morgana missed her old bedroom. Because it was hers, here she just felt like a guest.

After a few moments Morgana left her 'bedroom' and returned to the living room, where she thought Morgause was, but she wasn't.

Morgana switched on the light to see muddy footprints all over the white wood that adored the window. A vase lay smashed on the floor, as well as fallen photo frames. Morgana suddenly looked quite panicked. "Morgause?" She called, her sister needed to be alerted about this.

But she didn't get a reply. So she called again, only to be faced with silence. Morgana left the living room to roam around Morgause's home in search with her, before she heard a whimper coming from the kitchen.

"Oh, I didn't know you had company?" Came the irksome, annoying tone of Cenred as he pushed Morgause away from him.

"What are you doing here?" Morgana raised a brow at him, he was horrible and disgusting and she often wondered what Morgause had seen in him. There was nothing good about the man; because all he seemed to want was more women, and he had fooled Morgause into thinking he loved _only_ her, when he really had at _least_ a dozen women on the side.

"I could ask you the same question." Cenred replied with a cocky expression, eying her up as though she were dinner, she felt utterly repulsed by his mere presence.

His thick brown hair hung down, sticky with sweat, whilst he wore a shaggy pair of denim jeans that had seen better days, with a thick forest green jumper, a long leather jacket pulled over his shoulders to hide his grubbiness, it done little for him however.

"I'm welcome here, you're not." Morgana replied immediately, and strangely Morgause seemed rather silent, normally she would be feisty and hot tempered, she should be throwing Cenred out onto the street or beating him over the head with his own boot.

"No, no…" Cenred muttered. "I've only came here to collect something." He smirked horribly, showing his disgusting teeth.

"Well, collect it and go." Morgana folded her arms in annoyance with him.

It made sense that Cenred was here, Morgause had thrown him out- or so she said. So, it made sense he was perhaps back here to collect the rest of his things or something, but he didn't seem to be in any rush to leave the room.

"Oh, I would, I would…" He told Morgana, the horrible smirk on his lips never faltered.

"Only, when I went to get it, it wasn't there…" He said, tapping his fingers together and speaking in a sing-song voice, Morgana wanted nothing more than to punch him.

Morgana screwed her face up in distortion; it seemed odd that he was telling her this, as though he was indicating something, something she didn't quite catch onto.

"Well what is it?" Morgana demanded as he lingered on every word, with his foul sense of amusement.

"Why don't you ask your sister?" Cenred looked to Morgause, who seemed silent and unsettled.

"Well?" Morgana asked when Morgause said little.

"I don't know what he's talking about." Morgause told her sister, regaining some posture as her brown eyes scanned Morgana and then Cenred.

"Don't give me that rubbish!" Cenred yelled, suddenly furious.

"I had 2 bags of cocaine in your wardrobe, now where are they!" Cendred yelled at her, and Morgana's mouth fell open.

"Am I actually hearing this?" Morgana gasped, her face painted with shock as she looked to Cenred who was glaring at Morgause. Cenred ignored her however, and Morgause seemed more silent and Morgana's stomach churned to realise she looked quite guilty.

"Well I didn't touch it!" Morgause tried to growl, but she simply looked pathetic.

"Do you have any idea how illegal that is? How many years you could be prison just for holding that stuff- are you thick?" Morgana raged in disbelief, but no one seemed to care what she thought. Cenred never took his eyes off Morgause; he was getting angrier by the second.

"What have you done with it Morgause!" Cenred raged hotly, before he stormed away from her to go check again in the wardrobe, leaving the two sisters alone in the kitchen.

"You told me you stopped the drugs, you told me you got away from that!" Morgana spat at her sister in a form of disgust and disappointment.

"I did, I swear I haven't touched drugs- _ever_!" Morgause tried to defend, widening her eyes and pleading for Morgana to believe her.

"Then why is your maniac ex-boyfriend in your house looking for cocaine?" Morgana asked, raising a brow in astonishment.

"I don't know, I swear… I didn't even know there were drugs here." Morgause explained, knowing that when Cenred returned she wouldn't have a chance to say this.

"But yet you knew _he _was taking drugs the entire time you were together?" Morgana didn't even want to hear her sister's excuses; she was so disappointed in her. The one person she looked up to had let her down.

Morgause couldn't look at Morgana now, she was ashamed. She had thrown Cenred out a little over a week after she had taken Morgana back here, she had no idea he would return. She had allowed herself to get in with a drug addict and she had been lying to her sister the entire time she was living down here alone, claiming he was wonderful; but Morgana saw straight through it, she always did. Although she was being honest in saying she had never taken rugs, Cenred would always try and force her, but she'd never give in.

"No!" Cenred yelled as he stormed back into the kitchen. "They're not there Morgause!" He seemed quite sadistic now. "So, how about I stay here until you confess?" He asked but practically told.

"Until she confesses what?" Morgana asked at once.

"Until she confesses what she's done with them; taken them or sold them." Cenred brushed off to Morgana before he glared back at Morgause.

"If my sister says they aren't here, then she's telling the truth." Morgana defended at once, even though she disagreed with the entire situation, Morgause was still her sister and she's stand by her until the end.

"Too bad your sisters a bit of a compulsive liar then." Cenred shrugged his shoulders at her in amusement before he grabbed Morgause's arm and tugged her into the living room. Morgana followed relentlessly.

"If you don't leave I'm calling the police!" Morgana informed Cenred with a new gained proudness that she'd won one over on him.

"And tell them what? Your sister is hiding drugs from me?" Cenred laughed at her suggestion, if he was going down Morgause was going to go down with him. Morgause had made the mistake of staying with him when she discovered his addiction; she was as damned as he was.

Morgana seemed all the more disheartened. She sat on the edge of the sofa as Cenred fell into the one closest to the TV, making Morgause sit on the floor at his feet so he knew where she was and she wouldn't go running off.

"I'm going to the bathroom…" Morgana said after a few moments, Morgause looked up to her quickly, and she caught the cry of help in her eyes.

"I'll go with you." Cenred said at once, he didn't fancy Morgana escaping.

"Yeah right." Morgana laughed. "Typical of you to want to watch me go to the toilet, you pervert." She snapped, before he settled back down, she couldn't go far really- the bathroom window was only small, a cat could barely fit through it.

Morgana wandered into the dark hall and then into the bathroom. She pulled the light string and a fan immediately went on. The walls where wallpapered and blue, with dolphins and fish, and it smelt of lavender soap.

Of course, Morgana had no intention of going to the toilet, she could barely think about a silly thing like her bladder at a time like this.

She pulled out her mobile and looked through the contact history.

First was Arthur, and there was no way she was ringing him to sound more pathetic than she already had. Then there was Gwaine, and she doubted he would come to her rescue let alone answer the phone. Guinevere would hardly answer either, so that really only left Merlin.

She rang it and put the phone to her ear, almost shaking if Cenred heard, she didn't fear him but she feared for Morgause.

"Hello?" She whispered when a groggy Merlin answered, awoke from her sleep.

"Hello, Merlin- it's Morgana." She told him in a panicked whisper.

"What is it?" He mumbled, trying to regain some whereabouts after he'd be rudely awoken.

"I'm at Morgause's, and Cenred is here… You have to help- he's practically keeping us hostage until we find these drugs or something…" Morgana told him in a frantic rush.

"What?" Merlin asked at once, suddenly becoming more awake and alert.

"Just come to Morgause's quickly, and don't call the police- please Merlin, I need you." She whispered, hoping he'd understand all that she said.

"Right, right…" He told her, and before long she had hung up, rushing back into the living room, so Cenred didn't suspect anything. She could only hope that Merlin understood her, and that he'd come. What he could do, she didn't know, but it was better than nothing.

…

"What do you mean don't call the police?" Arthur muttered as he pulled on his shirt.

"I can't remember, I'd just woken up." Merlin told him frantically, as he lifted Arthur's coat as to try and hurry him up. Merlin had called Arthur as soon as he had got off the phone from Morgana and then went straight to his house to discover he still wasn't ready.

"God Merlin, you're really great you are, I mean I won't call you when I'm about to get murdered or something…" Arthur rolled his eyes sarcastically as he tugged on his shoes and lifted his car keys off the end of his bed table.

"I don't know what you don't understand about the word 'hurry'." Merlin growled in annoyance as he followed Arthur and then _finally_ left the house.

…

"Do you have any idea how long away Morgause's is?" Arthur stressed as they sped up the motorway.

"Well, I mean there's no one here- you could always put your foot down." Merlin added a smug little smirk, and Arthur looked at him as though he were stupid.

"Yes, I'll go speeding down the road and when I'm caught by the Police you can explain that I'm in a hurry to save my friend from a psychopath- but oh wait, we're not allowed to tell the police are we?" Arthur gave a large sigh in sheer disbelief of his friend.

"Fine, fine- calm down." Merlin shook off as he turned on the radio.

"What did Morgana say anyway- that you remember." Arthur asked, suddenly more serious than before.

"I can just remember her saying to hurry and that Cenred wanted drugs or something." Merlin explained, as he tried his hardest to remember, but he barely took in her words since he was more in a panic of being awoken.

"Oh, oh yeah and then something about 'keeping them hostage'." Merlin grinned and looked at Arthur, glad that he had remembered something useful.

"Hostage?" Arthur half yelled at his friend and Merlin's grin suddenly disappeared.

"I think so yeah." Merlin nodded.

"Jesus Merlin, talk about the key word!" Arthur said in astonishment.

Now everything seemed worse. He knew of Cenred, vaguely, he remembered Morgana saying how much she loathed him; he was Morgause's boyfriend if he remembered rightly, but he didn't really like Morgause, so he doubted he'd like Cenred. Morgana never really worried over him though, she claimed he was helping her sister and that she'd put up with him for that sole reason. But now he had both her and her sister held hostage, Arthur's mind only went into panic.

What if there was a gang of drug dealers at Morgause's, with guns and knives? What if they were hurting Morgana? He'd kill every one of them.

"I knew Morgause was bad news!" Arthur growled as he put his foot down a bit. "Morgana should have stayed away from her…" He muttered in anger as he peered at the long, dark road ahead.

"Well, she is her sister." Merlin defended; although he had no siblings of his own he knew to stand by blood.

"A sister who does drugs, and don't you tell me she doesn't- I mean I remembered her friends from years ago, always high- and then Cenred, he was bad news." Arthur snapped viciously, lost in the hatred.

"You don't exactly know Cenred." Merlin corrected him.

"Yes, well Morgana said he was horrible, and no good." Arthur retorted immediately.

"So, suddenly Morgana is god's gift now is she?" Merlin raised a brow at him, a smirk lingering on his lips.

"Oh shut up Merlin- she's being held _hostage_ by a guy she hates, how am I not going to be worried." He frowned at his friend, but he wouldn't dare look at him.

"You weren't worried when she left." Merlin told him immediately, pointing out the facts.

"Neither where you- yet you call to my door at half past two in the morning!" Arthur yelled at him, Merlin was always prying and he never knew when to stop. Now wasn't the time for playing, the games where over.

…

"Oh come on Cenred- just _leave_ already!" Morgana whined as he flicked through the television, Morgause's head rested on the armchair, and her eyes kept flickering closed.

"Not until your sister admits where my drugs are." Cenred said calmly, never looking away from the television, he continued to flash through channels.

"You've been here hours, she clearly doesn't have them." Morgana told him, but he wouldn't listen.

It was dawning on four in the morning, and Cenred had tried everything. He had asked Morgause nicely, nastily and then with impatience, she denied it every time. He broke her water fountain lamp and ripped her cuckoo clock off the wall, in a rage of breaking things until she fessed up, she didn't however and begged him to stop, he did after he realised it wasn't going anywhere.

Then he sat down again, on the sofa and just _sat_ there, but wouldn't let her move.

Morgana realised now that Merlin probably wasn't coming. Her heart dropped in her chest when she realised that, that he really hated her that much that he wouldn't be bothered enough to come save her. Then she realised how stupid she must have sounded on the phone to him, and if he had arrived he probably would have laughed. Cenred obviously didn't have any weapons and he didn't intend of hurting anyone, he would have done so already. He wasn't a treat, maybe to the decorative items but that was all.

Morgana sighed loudly before she got up and walked over to Morguase sitting on the floor, she looked up to her with her big brown eyes, full of fear- a fear rarely seen.

"Come on Morgause." Morgana sighed as he held out her hand to her sister.

"What are you doing?" Cenred muttered, his brows furrowed as he looked to her, Morgause seemed reluctant to accept her sister's hand.

"We're going, if you won't leave, _we will._" Morgana told him in a matter-of-fact smug way.

"Not until I get what I came for." Cenred growled.

"Well, you'll be waiting a very long time for that, won't you?" Morgana told him, as she looked to Morgause and shook her hand for her to take it, which was when Cenred made his move.

He shot up from the armchair and gripped Morgause up with him. He swung her around for her to face Morgana, and Morgana gasped at the realisation of what he was doing.

In his hand, and to Morgause's throat, was a sparkling silver blade which he held so close to her throat, Morgana clapped a hand over her mouth and her eyes widened in shock.

"Will I be waiting a long time?" Cenred growled through gritted teeth as Morgause whimpered like a child, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe in case the blade slit her throat.

"Cenred- put the blade down!" Morgana held out her hands in defence, begging him now to drop the knife, she couldn't watch as he killed her.

His grip tightened however and Morgause let out a little gasp as the cold blade dug deeper against her skin, more pressure and her skin would slit, ruby red blood would pool down and consume her, death was on her doorstep.

"I'm warning you-" Morgana began, but she was cut off by him.

"And I'm warning you- I want my drugs, or she gets it." He raged hotly with impatience.

"Morgause- _please_… Swear to me you don't have them." Morgana begged her sister, she wasn't going to grovel to the loathsome pig who abused her sister in such a way, but she didn't have much of a choice.

"I… I swear." Morgause told her, trying to breathe, afraid the knife would slit her throat.

"Then put the blade down Cenred…" Morgana pleaded.

"No! I want them, and I'm giving you to the count of three to get them!" He tugged on Morgause's long blonde hair now, the blade pushing closer and closer…

"1…" He began, and as he smiled sadistically the blade pushed closer and closer against her throat, any more and blood would pour.

"2…" It was then that Morgana see a line of thin, red blood stream down Morgause's neck, her sister let out a small whimper and her eyes closed at the pain, this was it- this was her death.

"3." Cenred yelled, but he barely had the words out of his mouth when Morgana lunged at him with the coal shovel by the fireplace.

"NOBODY-TOUCHES-MY-SISTER!" Morgana yelled fiercely, and as she said each word she batted him over the head with the shovel, and he fell to the floor. Cenred tried to fight back, but Morgana was enraged with a fiery demon she wasn't sure inhabited her. She continued to slap him with the thin, black metal until he fell unconscious, then a familiar pair of hands wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her off him.

Arthur looked at Cenred, on the floor; battered from Morgana's beating, he was sure his nose was broken. Then he looked to Morgana who lay panting on the floor, her hands still gripped tightly over the shovel, still perplexed at what had happened, of what she'd done, coming down from the high adrenaline rush. Morgause stood over her, staring at Cenred, a hand clasped over her mouth and then she looked to Morgana who stared into space. And that only left Merlin, who stood cowering by the door.

"Oh my God, I've killed him!" Morgana yelped as he looked to Cenred who lay unconscious. "I've killed him!" She cried out again, shaking his head for some signs of life. Panic flushed through her, what would happen to her now? She'd just murdered someone, she'd go to prison, for life- live the rest of her life in a prison cell, and probably have to share with some horrible woman who was nasty and cruel, covered in tattoos and made weapons out of razorblades. Tears warmed her eyes, as she stared at Cenred who seemed lifeless.

Arthur however let out a small laugh.

"You didn't kill him Morgana, you just knocked him out." He informed her, Cenred had let out plenty of groans to show he was alive; Morgana had given him a good run for his money though.

"Remind me not to get on the wrong side of you though." Arthur chuckled and Morgana finally let go of Cenred, before she got up, still breathing heavily from all the commotion.

She ignored Arthur however, she didn't ask him to come. And she didn't need saving after all, she'd saved herself and her sister.

"Are you alright?" Morgana asked Morgause, who nodded immediately, the smeared blood on her neck however made Morgana realise that she had almost lost her, and that she'd have happily went to prison to save her life. She smiled at her sister, who returned it.

"What happened anyway?" Merlin asked finally, moving away from the door and more into the room.

"Cenred said he had drugs here, but he was lying obviously." Morgana shook off, she didn't fancy telling Arthur and Merlin that Morgause knew he was a drug addict, nor that she still wasn't happy with her sister, nor did she fully believe her.

"What do you mean, he had drugs here- how could he have drugs here without Morguase knowing?" Arthur asked, raising a brow. It was all too suspicious. Morguase would have known if her 'boyfriend' was a drug addict.

"I don't remember inviting you." Morgana said coldly, turning to look at him with a frown and look of disgust. She pulled Morguase away and into the kitchen, Merlin followed.

Merlin put the kettle on, and Morgause sat down on a dining chair, she still seemed pretty shaken up over it, but Merlin kept her laughing coming out with his silly comments and telling her a stupid stories to brighten the mood.

Morgana excused herself to go to her bedroom, just for a brief moment to herself. The entire situation was overwhelming, she didn't want to see Arthur again and yet here he was. She'd just battered a man unconscious and although Merlin's jokes where keeping her sister warm, they did little for her.

She sat down on the bed, the room in darkness, the only sound was the rain beating off the window, it must have started up again, and it was on and off all day. She switched on the light, and the purple room was illuminated in its calming wonder, all she wanted to do now was go home.

However, her small peace was interrupted when the door opened, and she turned her head to see who it was. Her face dropped entirely however when she noticed it was Arthur, who had finally left the living room, he didn't seem in the mood for company either.

"Are you alright?" He asked after a few moments, when she ignored he was even in the room.

"Why do you care?" Morgana muttered, her fingers playing over the violets on the bed sheet.

"Oh come on Morgana, stop it." Arthur fused at once, walking over and sitting across from her in the desk chair, but she still looked away from him.

Morgana was still obviously going to loathe him, and he expected as much. He had watched her leave, and that to some extent had obviously hurt her, when she ignored his phone call and rang Merlin first when she was in trouble, and he couldn't quite fathom why anyone would call Merlin for help, because he was just as much use as tea towel was.

"Why didn't you call me?" Arthur asked at once, putting his thoughts to words, although he knew the answer, he just needed some confirmation.

"I didn't think you'd come." Morgana confessed, looking to him now and shrugging her shoulders.

"Morgana, of course I'd come." Arthur told her, his eyes begging her to understand that he wasn't heartless, that he regretted treating her like he had.

"And why did you screen my call?" Arthur asked again, but she was quicker with her response.

"Why did you use me?" She asked, if he was going to want answers she was too. She hadn't forgotten and she doubted she ever would. How he had carelessly treated her like a broken doll. She was human, she had feelings too, feelings he didn't care to take into account.

"Morgana…" He sighed, looking down. He knew she would go back to this; it was only fair that she would, but he didn't have an answer for it.

"I'm sorry." He said at once, looking back up to her again, it was the hardest word of all, yet it could never be enough.

"You're sorry now." Morgana nodded, "You're sorry now because you're not going to be a future husband and you're not going to be a future father." Morgana told him, it was fact, and she was going to paint him a picture if that's what he wanted. She wasn't a fool; she had been once but not anymore.

"Morgana…" Arthur tried, but she wouldn't hear it.

"You hated me when I told you the truth, you were willing to use me and go back to _her_ even though she betrayed you and I didn't, yet it's _me_ you hate!" Morgana raged, but it was more out of heartbreak than anything else.

"I don't hate you." Arthur told her at once, he didn't hate her, he never could.

"That's because you have nothing now!" She cried out angrily. "You don't have Gwen so you think you can come prying at my door! I'm not a fool Arthur!" She sighed, knowing that the truth in the situation was heart-breaking. If he was still with Gwen, he would not be here, and she knew that. She would not be second best to her, she was better than that.

Morgana got up, and put her back to Arthur, her eyes were welling with tears, tears she'd locked up all day, from when she walked from his home, when he had watched her leave. But she wouldn't let him see her cry.

"Just go Arthur." She begged, she wanted him more than anything, but she could not have him. "I already look stupid enough." She told him, her voice crumbling, she was trying _so_ hard to be strong, but it just wasn't working out. She brought her hands to her eyes to whip away the arrogant tears, but only more fell in their place.

Arthur looked up at her; she stood with her back to him. He caught the sadness in her voice, the way it broke and fell in the all the wrong places, he knew she was trying hard not cry, and he hated himself because once again he was to blame for her tears.

"Please Morgana, _please_…" He begged. "I'm sorry." He had never regretted anything more in his life. Guinevere was no competition to Morgana anymore, Morgana had proved how much she loved him, how devoted she was and only now he realised, how different and how better she was than Gwen, she had been there all his life, there so much that he had been blind to her affections, and now he had broken her heart, and by breaking her heart he had broken his own. He wanted Morgana now, no one else would compare, but she didn't want him; he was a fool.

"So am I…" She turned and looked at him, he would see her tears but she didn't care, because there was little she could do to stop them and she wanted him out before the sobs started, and they were well and truly on their way. "Now go!"

Arthur stood up, but he didn't leave, he placed both of his hands around her face and spoke directly to her, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Morgana, please…" Arthur begged, knowing that if he walked out now, he could never return to her, this was his last chance to claim his love to her, and it wasn't something he wanted to do lightly.

"Because of you everyone hates me." Morgana told him, trying to keep her composure, to choke back the tears and be strong.

"No one hates you." Arthur replied, he didn't hate her, and Merlin certainly didn't.

"Then why am I here?" She asked, knowing that if everyone liked her as much as he claimed she'd still be back home, where she belonged.

"Because I was a fool to let you go." Arthur admitted, the pleading was obvious now; he couldn't leave, not without her.

Morgana pulled away from his grip. She was so close to succumbing to his touch, but then she remembered the last time. Where he'd admitted feelings he didn't mean and then cast her aside, the reason she was as broken as she was.

"I can't trust you anymore." Morgana told him, and that was a certain fact. She wanted him so much but it wasn't worth the pain afterwards, it wasn't worth the hate.

Arthur felt his heart break when she said those words. Without trust there was nothing, and he knew this, in fact he expected it, yet the pain he felt when she actually said it made him numb.

"Morgana, _please_…" Arthur tried begging again, he couldn't leave her, not like this.

"Goodnight Arthur." She commented, turned away from him and sitting in the bed, she couldn't look as he walked away, it would break her, as if she wasn't broken enough.

"Just know that I would do anything to turn it back, to choose you instead of Gwen, I'd give anything to stop the hurt I've caused you." Arthur admitted, it was truth and nothing more. Morgana was right in front of him and he was too blind to see, and because of that he had hurt her, and he'd give _anything_ to rid her of her pain.

And then she heard the door close, now she was truly alone and it was awful. For a split second she contemplated grabbing Arthur back into the room with her, where she could curl up in the safety of his arms and be content. But she could never be content with him anymore, without the fear of being used again, why was life so cruel to her?

_**A/N**_

**Hello! :D Another chapter for all you wonderful people! :) I'm sorry to still be giving Morgana a hard time, but now Arthur is sharing her pain so it's all good. ;) Hmm, but will I be cruel enough to keep them apart? ;) Oh of course I couldn't do that! But, I hope you enjoy this chapter! The next chapter will have more ArMor, Morgana and Morgause and of course- more Merlin! :) Thank all of you wonderful people for your lovely reviews! And again if you have anything to suggest for this story, always feel free to PM me, or about anything at all! :D Love you all! :D xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9 Choices

Chapter 9

_**Choices**_

Morgana pulled her eyes open to find she was greeted with the dull light that shone through her windows, and what seemed like perpetual rain smashing off the glass. She pulled herself up and stretched, discovering she ached all over because she wasn't lying in the most comfortable position. She found she was still fully clothed, when it occurred to her she had fallen asleep in the early hours.

Morgana wasn't sure if Arthur or Merlin were still here, or if Cenred had woken up, even if Morgause was okay, just that she was still in this bedroom, right where Arthur had left her. Then she remembered everything he had told her last night; she wondered for a second if she was a fool to cast him away, then she remembered why and all of a sudden the ache in her heart returned, it seemed perpetual too.

"Morning…" Merlin yawned as he lay on Morgause's sofa, the TV was on and Arthur sat in an armchair watching it, or more so pretending to be.

"Morning." Morgana shot him a quick smile, but is disappeared quickly as she looked to Arthur who would not look at her, he didn't notice her presence; he was ignoring her.

"Where's Morgause?" Morgana asked quickly. "And Cenred?"

"Oh, Morgause went to bed shortly after you last night and then Cenred woke up earlier and Arthur threw him out." Merlin told her with a proud smile, she wondered why because he had done nothing, it was all Arthur.

"Well… what if he comes back?" Morgana asked shakily, she didn't want to stay here if Cenred returned, she didn't fear him but she feared what she might kill him next time. And also for Morgause, if Cenred returned he wouldn't come alone.

"He won't return." Arthur sighed, leaning back on the chair; Morgana was shocked to even hear from him.

"Why?" Morgana asked,

"Because he just won't." Arthur told her, although he _still_ wouldn't look at her, his tone suggested he was annoyed with her, with every good reason but then she had every reason to be annoyed with him. They hadn't left things on the greatest note, but that was all there was to it, she'd said all she'd planned to say.

Morgana understood that Arthur had perhaps threatened him, or said something very gave to scare Cenred off, she was strangely content to that knowledge, but he would be leaving soon; whether she could stay here alone with Morgause was another story.

"Come on Merlin, get dressed- we need to leave soon." Arthur told him at once and Merlin looked at him in awe, still tired. He curled up tighter in the duvet Morgause had obviously fetched for him, and yawned.

"We didn't come here for a holiday Merlin, get up!" Arthur snapped, when Merlin realised that the time for joking was over, Arthur seemed a bit off today.

"Leaving so soon?" Morgause asked as she walked into the hall and stood behind Morgana at the door. She didn't seem distressed at all, her hair hung down by her shoulders as she wore a light pink night dress with a white cotton dressing gown over it, complete with velvet slippers.

"Yeah… Sorry, we can't stay- I have er… work." Arthur told her, as he began folding up the duvet. He shot a quick glance at Morgana, but looked away just as fast, eager to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Morgana rolled her eyes and said nothing; she backed away and into the kitchen before Merlin or Morgause could say anything.

"But it's Friday, you're not going to get back in time for work and you don't have work on the weekends." Merlin piped up at once when Arthur began lifting his small collection of things.

"Merlin!" Arthur snapped immediately. "We're going _ now_- now get ready!" Arthur yelled at him in annoyance, Morgause suddenly felt rather awkward and slipped into the kitchen to get some coffee, surely Arthur would stay for breakfast.

"Are you alright?" Morgause asked as she switched the kettle on and looked at Morgana who seemed lost in despair.

Morgana looked up at Morgause and scoffed in disbelief.

"A maniac just broke into your home last night; almost killed you and you're asking _me_ if I'm alright?" Morgana asked, Morgause seemed too chirpy this morning for her liking.

"Well, it's all dealt with now." Morgause shrugged her shoulders and placed mugs on the counter.

"You haven't even asked where he's gone!" Morgana snapped, she couldn't really believe her sister. She was behaving inappropriately. She didn't seem the slightest bit worried, and she still had a lot of explaining to do.

"Well where is he then?" Morgause asked, although she didn't seem concerned.

Morgana scoffed again and stormed out of the kitchen. This was all Morgause's fault and she was behaving like a small child. She had almost died and Morgana had almost murdered someone in an attempt to save her, not to mention Cenred was an absolute maniac and Morgause had been hanging around drugs. But her long train of rage was interrupted when she felt the hard smash of a chest in her face.

She looked up and it would just _have_ to be Arthur.

"Sorry…" She muttered looking down, she heard him mutter an apology back, before she was alone in the hall again, and Arthur was now in the kitchen with her brunt of a sister. So, Morgana hid herself back in the spare room,_ her_ room now.

She hated it here, _loathed_ it. There was no escape, everyone was on top of her all of the time, and it was unbearable. She didn't have time to think or clear her head, and Morgause was becoming more of an annoyance the longer she stayed around her, not to mention she would feel entirely unsafe later on this evening when it was dark and Arthur had Merlin had long left.

Morgana wanted nothing more than to sit on her bed and cry, all she wanted was home. But _this_ was her home now, _this_ horrible, lonely godforsaken place.

"Morgana…" She heard a farmilar voice say as she turned, finding she had found herself sitting on the bed and close to tears, she wanted to cry- in fact that's all she wanted, some relief. And she probably would have snapped the head off the person entering her room if it wasn't Arthur.

"What?" She asked arrogantly, facing away from him again.

"I'm leaving now." Arthur told her, although a part of him wished she was coming to.

"Good." Morgana said, although she didn't really mean it, because the moment he left she knew all she would do was yearn for him again.

"Come with me." And all of a sudden Arthur was kneeling on the floor and looking up into her painstaking face.

Morgana remained silent. She was afraid to speak, because if she spoke she was afraid she might be foolish enough to say yes, forgetting about the pain and the heartbreak he caused her. He wanted her now, but he didn't deserve her. She wasn't good enough the first time.

"No." She said confidently after a few moments, but it didn't stop him, instead it made his eyes bigger and heavier with the hurt they burdened.

"Please Morgana, please- it won't be the same without you at home." Arthur confessed. Because in truth everything was ruined now. Guinevere was with Lancelot, so that had already broken some friendships, if he returned he would only really have Merlin as a close friend, and Merlin was beyond good enough- he was the greatest friend he's ever have, although he'd never admit it, but Morgana- he needed her too. She had always been there, _always_, and now she was going to be gone. He had ruined everything with her, and he wanted so badly to fix it.

"Don't you think I want to come home?" Morgana asked in disbelief. It was against her will she was dragged here. She wanted to go home but Morgause had forced her to realise that going away would make things better, but it only made things worse. And that was before Morgause turned into a hypocrite.

"Then come home, Morgana- please." Arthur begged, he had ignored her all morning, but now when he was about to walk out of the door and out of her life, he needed to let her know how much he needed her.

"I can't." Morgana shook her head and looked down mournfully.

"Why?" Arthur asked in confusion, she seemed to be contradicting herself.

"Because you'll be there!" Morgana said at once, standing up from the bed and walking away from him.

"I said I was sorry, what more do you want?" Arthur asked, standing up too and looking to her.

"You wanted Gwen, Arthur." Morgana said, she couldn't face him, in fear that tears would spill over the surface and trail down her cheeks and she would appear as weak. "And you lost me."

"I don't want Gwen now-"

"You don't want her _now_, but you wanted her then!" Morgana snapped, turning to face him, her voice shaking and on the verge of tremendous sobs.

"I want you now." Arthur replied calmly, looking at her and realising just how broken she was.

"Well I don't want you." Morgana replied, trying to conceal her emotions, but in truth she wanted to cry out and let him have her, let him take her home, and just be his- but she couldn't be a fool.

"You don't mean it." Arthur told her, but she cut him off aggressively again.

"You meant it- _you _meant it when you were with _her_!" Morgana snapped, everything was different now. She wanted Arthur, all her life she wanted Arthur and now here he was throwing himself at her feet, but only because she was second best.

"Why should you get what you want?" Morgana asked bitterly. "When I wanted the same thing all my life and never got it." She felt her eyes glistening with tears; it was a pointless battle now. She was weak, and Arthur was the one who made her that way.

"You can have it now." Arthur told her, just _wishing _she would stop being so stubborn.

"Why? Because you say so?" Morgana scoffed at him, she was so angry with him, but so heartbroken at the same time. Her head was a mess and in truth she didn't know what she wanted, apart from Arthur- that she was sure about. And even though she would never be with him she knew her heart would always long for him, no other love could fill his place.

"Stop this Morgana-" Arthur tried claiming her, but she wouldn't hear of it, he didn't blame her. He'd broken her right from the start and only now did he see the cracks, he saw the ultimate devotion she had for him, the heartache he had caused her and that he wanted to fix, but he had ruined it now, she would never trust him and that hurt him more than he could ever say.

"Just go," Morgana muttered now, facing away from him again. They had found themselves in the same predicament they were in last night, that same hateful place of destruction.

"Just go before you make the mess bigger than it already is." Morgana told him, hoping he would leave yet a part of her wished he would stay. A part of her wished she would stop being stubborn and let him have her. She didn't know what she wanted, her head was telling her Arthur was bad and nasty and horrible, and her heart told her that he was everything she ever wanted and he was.

"I'm not the one running away Morgana, that's you." Arthur concluded finally, his words made her shiver, because they were true. If she were strong she'd be back home, she'd prove that Arthur hadn't got to her, she'd be getting on with her life and trying to move on from all the badness she'd done. But he was right, she had run away, she'd run away and turned into an emotional mess, she wasn't strong at all, she was so very weak.

Arthur put his hand on the door before stealing one last glance at her, she didn't budge.

Morgana hated herself, as if it was even possible that she could hate deeper. Arthur was leaving and she was just standing there, just letting him. She was so cruelly wrapped up in the hurt that she wasn't allowing herself any relief. The only relief however would be Arthur, and she wanted him so desperately.

And she was alone again. Alone in a place she hated. Her heart yearned for him, in ways unimaginable, she _needed_ him. She needed and wanted only him, but she wasn't allowing herself that luxury and she didn't know why. H ehad hurt her, but she had hurt him; wasn't that fair? She had got what she wanted, claimed victory. She was being cruel now, but then she knew she had to be. Then the thick prophecy of seeing Arthur with another just made her heart heavier and heavier, so much so that she was making for the door, to follow him.

She opened the bedroom door to discover Morgause standing by the bathroom and Merlin hugging her goodbye, Arthur was gone.

"Bye Morgana, take care!" Merlin said, giving her a light squeeze before he disappeared out of the house.

Morgana stood there and watched him leave, watched the door shut and watched Morgause wandered past her. It was then she realised that Arthur was gone, Arthur had left and he wasn't going to come back, the game was over, and she had lost.

…

"Will you eat something?" Morgause moaned as Morgana sat across from her at the dinner table later that evening. But Morgana couldn't even bare to look at food, she felt sick.

"Morgana!" Morgause whined again, but Morgana didn't budge.

"You can stop this now!" Morgause said angrily, frowning at her sister, and Morgana finally looked up to meet her gaze.

"Stop what?" Morgana asked, although she was just begging Morgause to go on, to give her more reason to snap.

"Stop fretting like a child!" Morgause said through gritted teeth with great annoyance.

"I'm the child?" Morgana snarled spitefully. "I'm not the one doing drugs!" She should regret what she said, but she didn't. She had been waiting on this, on every reason to shout at her sister.

Morgause didn't answer, she knew better to. Morgana would have said anything to break her sister down, because she wasn't quite herself, she was too wrapped up in her own hurt.

After a few moments Morgana got up. "I'm not hungry." She muttered before leaving and returning to her room, where she planned to stay for the rest of the evening. Away from her sister and anyone else she could hurt.

She quickly slipped into pyjamas, before curling up in the soft double quilt, wrapping herself in and trying to get warm. The room lay in darkness and the rain pattered off the window, as she cuddled deeper into the duvet, knowing sleep would not take her tonight.

She thought of Arthur, and what he might be doing. Wondering if he'd be at home, in bed thinking of her. Or out with Merlin maybe, draped over another woman and flirting fiercely with her, if Morgana might have been forgotten, as quickly as that.

Then she thought of her old friends, of Guinevere and Lancelot, and Gwaine. And how, because of her nothing would be the same. She could have kept the whole Lancelot and Guinevere thing a secret, but she didn't. She didn't have to date Gwaine, but she did. And she didn't have to hurt Arthur, but she had. And all of these bad decisions made her eyes warm with tears. She was stuck her with Morgause, in a house she hated, living a life she didn't want, she wanted to go home so badly now, to be wrapped in Arthur's arms, and lie there knowing that everything would be okay, that they both loved each other, and even if the world hated them it wouldn't matter, just be happy, lost in a sweet bliss with him and only him.

Somewhere though, her eyes fell shut, and she found herself drifting into a slumber, a slumber that was beyond happy or kind.

Morgana dreamt of horrible things.

Without realising though she found herself bolt upright in the bed, covered in a cold sweat as she panted for air. She felt strange and cold, and scared. She was uncomfortable here, in this room. Her nightmares were back again, they only seemed to return when she was distressed or unhappy or worried, and here she was. Alone.

She wanted so desperately now to leave, to go to Arthur and just put down all her walls and trust him, trsut him with everything, and not fear of being broken or harmed. She wanted him, his soft touch, his sweet blue eyes gazing into hers and his graceful voice, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

Morgana got up for bed and checked the clock, she had not been sleeping an hour, it was only ten past eleven, but she realised then that she could no longer stay here, in this wicked, cold house and let Arthur move on, not without her.

She pulled on some clothes, as quickly as she could before she left the bedroom to find Morgause in the living room flicking through the channels.

"Where are you going?" Morgause asked immediately.

"I need your car." Morgana said at once, grabbing her keys off the phone table. "I'm going home."

"What?" Morgause laughed in disbelief. "No you're not, it's raining from the heavens and it's dark, and you're not leaving me here without a car."

"Oh, I don't care!" Morgana yelled impatiently, before she left the front door and out into the pouring rain. Morgause quickly got up and followed her.

"Morgana, get back here!" Morgause shouted through her dark front garden.

"I can't, I'm sorry- I'll come back tomorrow and get you." Morgana told her, knowing she would have had to go back home anyway to get her own car, yet that could be done at a decent hour.

"Morgana, _please_-" Morgause tried, but Morgana was already half in the car, shoruing through the darkness at her sister.

"I'm sorry!" She said finally before she closed the car door and decided she needed to be quick in starting up the engine, before Morgause would follow and she didn't want her too. Morgause would only moan with more reasons as to why she shouldn't go home, giving her bad ideas and making her make bad decisions once again.

But, before anything else could be said, Morgana was off, down small country lanes, in the darkness, with only the headlights for sight. It was scary driving out here alone at night, where anything could jump out and the fear of breaking down and being stuck in the middle of nowhere loomed. But, she stuck on the radio, and to her pleasure a rather cheerful song was playing, which she felt the need to put up to almost full volume and hum along in fear of stopping, in case a murdered lurked in the trees she passed.

Finally though, she found herself on the main road, a long, straight motorway that she'd have to stick out for hours, but then she remembered why she was doing this and if it was a good idea. Arthur was always a good idea.

In truth Morgana knew she could never be happy living with Morgause, they were both so strong and although they were sisters, they'd clash like crazy. Morgause was simply too judgemental and too controlling, they had different fathers and it seemed that that alone had played it's part in their indifference.

Morgause had never really been around for much of Morgana's childhood, when their mother died Morgana lived with her father and when he died she went to live with Uther and Arthur, yet Morgause had went to live with her father, so they didn't see much of each other growing up. Morgause and Arthur had never liked each other, and Morgana often thought it was because Arthur knew more about her that Morgause did, and Morgause hated that. Yet, when Morgause had come into Morgana's life, she was too controlling, she treated Morgana like a child and mothered her far too much. Morgana often realised she could never have an opnion, or have an independent thought without her sister trying to change it, leading her in what she believed was the right direction. Of course, now Morgana was utterly disappointed in her older sister, she had been a hypocrite.

Although she loved her all the same, but it was really none of her concern about Morgana's love life, if she loved Arthur, if every sign and reason in the book told her not to and she still did, then she did, and no one was going to change that. Morgana could live with her sister but she'd forever be unhappy because the one thing she wanted she couldn't be allowed to have and that was Arthur, so she wasn't going to foolishly let her sister rule the remainder of her life.

…

After what felt like a lifetime of driving, Morgana reached the small town that seemed so familiar. The warm feeling of home reacquainted itself and Morgana could almost sing with happiness, she could sleep in her own bed tonight and even if everyone seemed to hate her, tis was home and she could never run from it. But there was one more stop she needed to make before home however.

She lifted her phone as she pulled up in the driveway, it was past three in the morning and Morgause had left her sixteen missed calls and three texts, three very aggressive texts, she didn't even want to get started on the voicemails.

But the house ahead of her lay in darkness.

Morgana couldn't bring herself to smile, for some odd reason she was awash with heartache again, and pain and sadness. She felt so emotional all over again, just when everything seemed alight, but she needed to do this. If Arthur would hurt her again she would know it would be worth it, it would be worth a thousand years of heartbreak just to feel Arthur close, one single time.

She got out of the car and walked to the door, wanting so desperately to see his face, to see his face one more time, to let him love her so she could love him.

She knocked the door, not feeling one ounce of annoyance with herself, she _was_ doing the right thing.

She knocked again, after a few moments it seemed he would never answer, but then she saw a figure edging closer to the door, closer and closer until she heard the latch opening and Arthur soot before her.

Morgana said nothing, instead just pulling him into an embrace, digging her head into his chest and wrapping her arms so tightly around him. It was now she felt tears spill, and for the first time she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to show some sort of emotion in front of Arthur, she deserved to feel weak and to let him realise it.

"I'm sorry, _I'm so sorry…_" She muttered into his chest, feeling sobs escape. She didn't know why she was sorry, because he had hurt her, but nothing made sense, apart from the fact that he was really here; she was really holding him close and not just dreaming it.

"Shush…" He whispered, patting her soft raven hair gently, he didn't understand why she was here, but he wasn't going to ask questions. He had been lying awake all these hours, thinking of hair and thinking of ways he could win her over again, all hope seemed lost, and he seemed lost in his own pain until he heard the knock on his door and it was like a twist of fate.

Without wasting more time he pulled her into his house, still cradling her close like a child, before he sat her down on his sofa and held her gently to his chest.

She was crying and she wasn't quite sure why, but for once these tears were not tears of regret, of agony nor of pain, but something strange like happiness, yet she had forgotten how it felt to be happy, since it had been so long since she felt comfortable about her own life.

Arthur however just let her cry he let her weep and let her tears seep into his shirt. He was just happy she was here, understanding everything more clearly now.

Of course, he was a bit adrift as to how she had got here, had she drive all this way, just for him? By herself at this hour of the night? By coming here was she stating that she was giving up her fight of defiance? He hoped so.

After a few moments he pulled her chin up to look at him. Her face was blotchy, red and tears stained but beautiful all the same.

She tried muttering out words but Arthur stopped her.

"It's okay, it's alright." He told her, before he brought her head back to his chest and rocked her there, slowly. Her sobs finally eased before stopping and they sat like that, in a comfortable silence for a few moments longer, before he looked at her again.

"You need to go home." He whispered gently, looking at her sweet face.

"I don't want to." She admitted, before Arthur was here home seemed like the most wonderful place, but now she couldn't leave, she didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay with him, where she would know he loved only her and that he meant it this time, and that he couldn't hurt her.

Arthur said nothing, in fear of losing the moment. Something made the edges of his lips curl into the most subtle of smiles, perhaps it was because she trusted him again, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself.

He pulled her up, and held her close to him, she was almost afraid to let him go this time. Because a part of her didn't know if this was real, if she was trapped inside one of her cruel nightmares, where at the end he would be cruelly taken away and she'd wake up panting for relief she wouldn't get.

They said nothing then. He lay on the cold soft mattress and she lay with her head on his chest, with her arms pulled around him, like she was a child with a teddy bear. The blanket was pulled softly around the, and Arthur gently stroked the waves in her hair. This was the bliss she wanted, and the bliss that she got.

"I didn't mean to hurt you…" Arthur admitted when the silence seemed to take over.

"Just don't do it again." She whispered, and he caught the slight amusement in her voice, and that was it. Then they both fell asleep, cradled against one another, fingers intertwined.

_**A/N**_

**Oh, so my little ArMor finally got together! Yay! Oh, I couldn't hold out any longer, because really- I'd be dragging it out **_**too**_** much and the whole thing was starting to get on my nerves, because they needed to get together, and any other obstacle would have seemed unrealistic and stupid. HOWEVER, this story is far from finished, because there are a lot of things unanswered and I need me more Gwaine. :3 Morgause will return, although I like her, when I write her she annoys me. So, what more do you want? Any last requests? More ArMor fluff/tragedy? A wedding? 300 kids? I don't know. Lol LEMME KNOW! ;D And read and review because I love you all. :) And, there are a lot of chapters left… well, not a lot- maybe 5? I don't know- but it's FAR from finished! :D xoxo**

**AND; I made this small graphic for my ArMor story, if you want to check it out. MY FIRST FANFIC BANNER! :3You can find it on my Bio, on my fanfic page! :)  
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	10. Chapter 10 And it was Perfect

**Chapter 10**

_**And it was Perfect**_

Morgana pulled her eyes open the next morning, to be faced with the flickering light through the billowing curtains. The curtains sailed miraculously, being blown from the breeze being sent into the room by the opening window, flooding the wooden floor with rain and soaking the curtain as the torrential rain from outside crept in.

Of course, rain was the least of her worries now. She wasn't in her own bed, not even in her own house or the horrible confined room of Morgause's house. No, in fact she was in Arthur's bed, but she lay here alone. And suddenly, the room seemed almost colder because he wasn't there.

Morgana sat up in the bed, the memories of last night flooding back to her, she couldn't help but feel the slightest bit embarrassed, but she knew the worst would be from Morgause, when she pulled back up in her car, with all this explaining to do. But Morgana regretted nothing, even now as she lay alone in the bed, knowing what she had got herself back into which she was opening herself up again, free for more hurt, too vulnerable all over again. But it was the only decision, the right one she was positive. Living back there with Morgause, it was cold and horrible and she yearned for Arthur more than anything. Without him she knew she'd be constantly pining and fretting, never settled or satisfied; now she had a strange feeling of contentment rush through her.

She glanced at the clock, it wasn't even seven o'clock in the morning yet, but the sky was as bright as though it was. Still, she was chilled, so she got up to close the window, and then she'd go and find Arthur, and maybe let herself out and go home.

Morgana stood by the window, feeling the cold air on her bare arms, the exposed flesh now pricked with goose bumps, she let out a small shiver as she approached the window, lifting it up and closing it, the loud bustling sound muted and the curtains fell lifeless. The rain however continued to beat off the glass, it was a horrible, horrible day and for once the weather didn't mirror how she felt, because she felt okay, not as far as happy but content with where she stood and a Brightside better than yesterday.

The door creaked open however and Morgana shot around, like an arrow, startled from her silent glancing out the window. Arthur stood in the doorway, edging into the room.

Morgana didn't know what to expect, or how to even react. She had acted like a fool last night, yet she had shared a bed with him, he'd hardly be cold toward her, but she didn't fancy trying her luck again.

"You're up early." Arthur commented with a sly little edge on his tone, Morgana's face just remained expressionless however.

"So are you." Morgana replied, her brows furrowing the slightest bit in some confusion.

"Who said I was staying up?" Arthur raised a brow at her, walking closer to her and closing the small gap between them now. Morgana didn't quite understand what he was saying in his sly little gestures.

"You have work in an hour, do you not?" Morgana asked, raising a brow at him, looking up into his sapphire eyes, which seemed to melt her heart every time.

"Nah." Arthur shook off briskly. "It's much too bad a day for _work_…" He concluded, wrapping his arms around her now, because now she was his, she had proved that when she drove all that way last night to be with him.

"You can't just skip work." Morgana told him, a little gasp escaping her lips at how easily he was going to jeopardise his job, since his boss was very strict and he didn't seem to like Arthur very much.

"Says who?" Arthur asked her smugly, the smirk on his lips was never ending, and how beautiful it was, and now his arms seemed to wrap carefully around Morgana's waist.

This had taken Morgana off-guard the smallest bit. She had expected to apologise and hurry off home, where she'd wait until a decent hour, then call Morgause and sort out some arrangement as to how she'd get her car back, because Morgana certainly wasn't going to the cold cottage, knowing her sister would shout at her and then convince her to stay again.

She was surprised to say the least, at how Arthur was reacting towards her. Yet, she didn't exactly know why. Yesterday he had begged her to return home with him, and she had shot him down only to come running back into his arms that night, where everything stopped hurting and all the badness seemed to go away. Just like now.

Now, as Arthur curled his fingers around her waist and as she looked up into those perfect sapphire eyes, she could hardly believe what was happening.

"I don't plan on going anywhere." Arthur whispered, and she felt the light, soft warmth of his breath on her skin, before the soft delicate touch of his lips curled around her cheekbone. A thousand feelings burst inside of her, tingling feelings of joy and love, feelings she didn't know she had, but now she was entirely sure that Arthur was the one, the only one.

…

Somewhere along the lines, they had made their way back to the bed, the rain the only sound beating off the window, and the odd sweep of harsh wind adamant on getting in. But nothing could touch them now, curled under the soft covers of the duvet, sharing each other's body heat. Tangled and curled against one another, stealing kisses and whispering affections.

Throughout the peaceful façade however, they fell asleep again, soft and warm, content and happy, where nothing and nobody could ruin it. Morgana had Arthur now; Guinevere would not take him away, not now. And she wouldn't ruin it, now all her dreams as a teenager, of being curled against him like this, they were coming true. Everything was perfect, _so_ perfect.

The sky brightened, bit by bit, the rain never ending, nor with the wind easing. The clock ticked and neither of them bothered to look, to see the time or to realise that they were indeed wasting a day away, but Arthur nor Morgana saw it as waste.

Morgana lay with her head against his chest, and Arthur stroked her soft dark hair affectionately. Admiring her beauty, admiring her. Morgana not half believing that she was here snuggled against his warm body. Bad dreams and nightmares would not haunt her, not tonight.

"Why did you come back?" Arthur asked, breaking the peaceful silence they had lay in for hours, the silence only interrupted by the soft bats of rain against the window, but it too seemed to blend in.

Morgana sighed, although she sighed merely out of the stiffness of lying here all these hours. She pulled her head up from his chest, and looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest now, looking up into his blue eyes, and not feeling like she had to look away because it was wrong to let them engulf her, now she had nothing to be ashamed of.

"I just needed you." Morgana told him truthfully, the horrible feelings she had last night. Waking up in the cold bed, in that dark room, alone and afraid. In fact she was sure she was still half asleep when she pulled herself out of the cold covers to make her way here, to him. Adrenaline pulsed through her, and it wasn't until she got here, when it was too late to turn back, did she realise what she was doing, yet it had been the rightest thing of all.

"Why didn't you come back with me yesterday?" Arthur asked, feeling his heart soar a bit in his chest when she pointed out she needed him, he needed her to, and now here she was, cradled against him.

"I was still debating on whether you deserved me." Morgana sighed with a joke, getting up in the bed and stretching, this moment was too perfect and she hadn't been so glad, coming here last night.

Arthur's hands curled around her waist again however and he pulled her back against the mattress, tugging the covers over them lightly and snuggling against her, she laughed and he did too; it was perfect.

"I'm sorry Morgana." Arthur whispered, stroking the plains of her jawline under the darkness of the covers as he stared at her, she stared at him and then he felt the light pressure of her finger placed against his lips.

"Sshh…" She muttered, still staring at him. "Don't ruin it."

And then she found her own lips against his this time, curling her hands around him as he pulled her closer. Arthur had her, and he had no intentions of letting her go, of screwing this up once again. Morgana had him and she planned to keep it that way, she was much too hard on herself she realised, not allowing herself _this_ was just cruel.

…

The day lingered by, and through stolen kisses they managed to fall in and out of sleep, yet nietehr of them had ever felt as refreshed. Every time one of the climbed up to glance at the clock, the other would tug them back down under the warmth of the covers.

Morgana eventually pulled her eyes open however, tofind a sleeping Arthur tangled beside her. It was then she managed to glance at the clock, and it was past four in the day. She would have gasped and jumped from the bed in shock, but instead she was happy to lay back down, to Arthur and see him now awake, lying beside her comfortably.

"What time is it?" He asked, Morgana wondered why he even bothered because all day he had resisted her glaring at the alarm clock on the bedside table, in fear she would notice the time and get up.

"Ten past four." Morgana replied, still feeling she could sleep a few hours more, but if she did she knew there was no hope of her sleeping tonight.

"I suppose we best get up then?" Arthur moaned, never taking his eyes off her nonetheless.

"I suppose." She replied, yet none of them seemed to bother to move.

They lay in silence for a few moments longer, until the clock's hand managed to tick twenty minutes more, they lay just staring at each other, examining each other's face.

Until Morgana broke the utter perfectness by getting up, realising that if she did lay any longer there wouldn't be any point in getting up at all, although part of her wished she could lie forever with Arthur, sadly life got in the way.

"I should ring Morgause." Morgana muttered as she got up from the bed to scuttle through the pockets of her jacket, to find her phone.

It had been off, and after she switched it on she waited a few moments to allow it to load, and with every passing second more missed calls flooded in. It wasn't until she saw she had 32 missed calls from her sister, as well as 15 aggressive texts she didn't even bothering reading.

She couldn't put this off any longer, the longer she avoided calling her sister the worse it would be. So, Morgana bit her tongue and pressed 'Call'. With each ring her stomach flipped, she dreaded to hear the mouthful of abuse she'd get.

"You!" Morgause snapped down the phone the second she answered. "I've been calling you all night, you awful little thing- how dare you- _how dare you-_"

"Shh a minute!" Morgana whined. But she soon realised that was going nowhere since Morgause just continued to roar abuse down the phone, Morgan allowed her to finish, muttering 'I know' at every free chance she could.

"Will you shut up a second?" Morgana groaned when the nagging had went on long enough. "Look, I'll ring you later to sort out some arrangement for your car…"

"Some arrangement?" Morgause hissed. "You'll take that car right back to me! _Now_!"

"I can't, I'm busy." Morgana told her promptly.

"Busy? Busy doing what!" Morgause growled angrily down the phone. "Where are you? Who're you with?" Her sister snapped angrily, Morgana was only thankful she wasn't there with her.

"No one, nothing." Morgana lied, knowing the moment she mentioned Arthur's name Morgause would go off in another rant, and there was no doubt Arthur could hear her rants and yells, since she was shouting that loud.

"You're with _him_, aren't you?" Morgause snarled bitterly. "Urgh- you're ridiculous!" She growled hotly. "He's an insolent little rat and you're just as bad!"

"Goodbye Morgause!" Morgana shouted, before she ripped the phone away from her ear and hung up. No doubt Morgause hadn't noticed yet and she was _still_ raving about her and Arthur down the phone, and after she did realise she'd only rant and rave to herself over how 'rude' her sister was being.

"Didn't take it well then?" Arthur asked, Morgana picking up the hint of sarcasm in his voice. He looked at her with a fake, overly glossy smile pulled on his lips as he leaned up from the bed.

"Nope." Morgana shook her head, realising she didn't want to call Morgause later, she didn't want to see Morgause until she'd forgotten this whole ordeal, and Morgana was afraid she'd never forget. Then there was the prospect of bringing her back her car.

"I'll have to bring her car back to her." Morgana admitted, realising she couldn't put that off either, Morgause lived in the middle of nowhere, without a car she was practically stranded.

"You can't bring it back now, not in that weather." Arthur told her, signalling the window the rain was still beating off.

"It's December, the weather's going to be like that every day for the next two months." Morgana told him as though he were stupid, glaring at him with heavy eyes full of sarcasm.

"Well she can at least meet you halfway, I mean how are you going to get back?" Arthur made her understand. If Morgana drove in Morgause's car, who would take Morgana home?

"She'll have to come get the car herself." Arthur shook off, getting up from the bed, finally to throw on some clothes.

"No, that's just cruel." Morgana realised, understanding that Morgause had come and practically done a good deed for her over the past few days, picking her up and helping her clean up the mess she'd made.

"Cruel? Have you heard the way she just spoke to you?" Arthur snapped in disbelief, he had never liked Morgause, and even though she was Morgana's sister he saw no reason to ever show her kindness.

"I stole her car in the middle of the night and left her stranded." Morgana snapped back in disbelief at him, she could entirely understand how Morgause would be angry. "She had every right to be annoyed!"

"That's your idea of annoyed?" Arthur replied, rolling his eyes in annoyance himself.

"Look, I'm bringing her the car back and that's the end of it!" Morgana snapped, throwing the phone on the bed before she went to leave the room.

"Not tonight you're not." Arthur said, pulling her back by the wrist. Morgana turned and looked at him, knowing he had more to say. "You'll go tomorrow, hopefully that awful weather will have cleared up a bit by then; she'll be okay waiting one more day."

Morgana nodded, knowing it was the only right decision. She didn't want to drive all that way anyway in that weather, and so soon. Perhaps she'd wait until later and ring Morgause when she'd have had one of her glasses of wine, and then perhaps she'd be able to convince her to meet her halfway by getting the train.

…

The day lingered by, Morgana had left Arthur's to go home, but he made her promise she'd return as soon as she got a change of clothes, since she insisted she needed to get home for a bit.

Morgana had got through the door and got the quickest shower imaginable, half drying her hair with the dryer and then scurrying back to Arthur's claiming she had taken her time.

When she returned she noticed he had taken the liberty to try to cook something. Unfortunately, this was Arthur which meant it would be entirely stupid for her to expect a three course meal, instead an oven meal which took twenty minutes to cook. Still, she couldn't fault him for trying.

"You have to eat _something_." Arthur made a jibe at the food he had just set in front of her on the breakfast bar.

"Right." Morgana nodded, looking down to an oven ready Shepard's pie, which was a bit black and crusted around the sides in its plastic container.

Arthur shovelled his out of the container and onto a plate before sitting beside her, she couldn't help but laugh.

"Really Arthur, I mean if I'd have known you would have gone to all this trouble!" She joked, laughing as he spooned a mouthful into his mouth.

Arthur laughed too, realising it probably looked measly and stupid, and if he tried he could have done better. But he only had a half an hour and his freezer was near empty.

"Sorry, I just thought because-"

"No Arthur, I'm joking!" Morgana confessed with a grin, still laughing slightly. She didn't think he needed to explain himself. "It's fine- this is great!" She smiled more prominently now, realising that Arthur had made this meal especially for her, it wouldn't have mattered if it was a pot noodle full of kettle water; he'd still done it for her.

They ate in silence, before Morgana got up and threw her now empty food container in the bin, lifting Arthur's plate and putting it in the dishwasher. Only now did she notice how much this house missed a woman's touch, since Arthur really didn't do anything to spruce the place up a bit, after Guinevere had left he'd just stopped caring as it were.

Arthur fell down on the sofa, feet and all. Lifting the TV remote and flicking through the channels to find something worth watching, Morgana glanced at the time, understanding it was six, she should be getting home soon…

"Merlin rang while you were out." Arthur told her, never taking his eyes off the television, still flicking aimlessly through the hundreds of channels.

"Oh, and what did he say?" Morgana asked, realising that Arthur was going somewhere with this, why else would be bring it up?

"Oh, nothing important." Arthur sighed, finding nothing of interest of the TV.

"Great." Morgana nodded, furrowing her brows in confusion as she went to go near the sofa.

Merlin called Arthur, all the time. Morgana was shocked he hadn't called at the door today to lounge about and eat Arthur's food, yet she realised that the weather was preventing him from leaving the house. Arthur of course had filled him in whilst on the phone, telling him Morgana was here and if he dared showed up or phoned he'd string him up on the lamppost outside. Merlin backed off immediately and let him be, somehow happy that they'd seemed to work things out.

Morgana sighed, before sitting down beside Arthur who was still flicking aimlessly though channels; finally she snatched the remote off him and grinned. "Let's put a scary one on." Morgana told him, implying a scary film.

"No." Arthur said at once with a frown.

"Aw why, do they scare you?" Morgana made puppy dog face of bemusement.

"What? No!" Arthur shoved off with as much defence as he could muster.

"They did when you were small." Morgana muttered as she went to find something horrific in the film section of Arthur's SKY box.

"I was a kid, what kid wouldn't be afraid of Salem's Lot?" Arthur frowned in be wilderness as he looked to her; she still had her eyes transfixed on the TV.

"I wasn't afraid of it." Morgana told him immediately with a smirk.

"You weren't afraid of anything…" Arthur grumbled under his breath as she finally chose a film, _The Shining_, one she'd seen numerous times, one everyone did. Yet it was the only thing on.

"Would you prefer we put on a romantic soppy one instead?" Morgana said sarcastically in a mocking voice as she looked up at him. "Look, Titanic's on." She showed him, although making fun of him.

"Hmm… So you're giving me the choice between a psychotic murderer or a sinking ship?" Arthur replied, pretending to think and making fun of her.

"You always had a crush of Kate Winslet; I mean you nearly cried when Gwen bought you the Mildred Pierce boxset for Christmas." Morgana laughed, although her laughing stopped when she noticed he wasn't laughing with her, then she realised why. Gwen, even when she wasn't here she was ruining everything.

Morgana looked away from him with a solid face. "The Shining is good." She told him, switching to that instead, it was already a quarter of the way through, she only hoped he'd forget her bad thought out words and watch it.

They watched in silence for what felt like forever, although neither of them where truly watching it, really. The awkwardness lingered, and it shouldn't have, Morgana knew and Arthur knew. Arthur couldn't help now but remember Gwen, the girl he was sure he'd forgotten, but now she was living with Lancelot and having his child, that didn't bother him though, because all love for her had been lost, and now Morgana consumed it. Yet it scared him, how quickly he had forgotten her when just last month she had been his everything, and now everything sat right beside him and he was ignoring her, making her feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak but was cut short with a loud zap, and then they say in darkness. Morgana jumped beside him, and he could almost feel her tense up with what he could only imagine was fear.

The TV was off, all the lights and all the electrical appliances, now all they could hear was the rain. He went to get up, grunting something about the 'Electricity must have went out', but Morgana grabbed his hand, then quickly dropped it when she realised what she'd done. It was only a power cut due to the weather, it was fine. But now she didn't want to go home to a dark lonely house, that prospect was quite frightening.

"It's just a power cut Morgana." Arthur told her, something in his voice was trying to perk her up to not be afraid.

"I know." She moaned defensively, she didn't want to seem scared.

Arthur sat back down beside her, they sat here too now listening to the rain, and the horrible wind that didn't seem to ease up, the darkened winter sky made everything seem blacker than it was as it shone through the window, Morgana couldn't help but feel creeped out slightly she hated the dark, especially this silence.

Arthur put his arm around her; he knew she was scared although she was much too proud to admit it. When she was just a girl she'd play horrible, nasty tricks on him in the day, get him in awful amounts of trouble with his father, hide his clothes when he went to shower, kick him when he called her a girl. Yet, a night she was always the one to peep into his room, waking up from one of her nightmares, he was kinder then, to understand not to tell her to go away, instead he welcomed her, and they'd lie in the same bed, whilst he'd tell her nice stories to clear her mind of the evil traces dreams left. Perhaps that was why she hated darkness so much, the awful solitude that came with it, the fact that nightmares were lurking in the shadows.

Morgana felt at ease after few moments, she hated the darkness, the fact that she saw the same thing when she opened and closed her eyes. That anything could be around her and she didn't know it, she _hated_ it. Luckily though, she had Arthur- if she'd been home alone she'd be sure she'd have skipped around to someone's house anyway, despite the hour.

The rain and win battling outside made everything more eerie, she was sure those whistles were just the wind, and that the loud thumps were just the rain.

They could do nothing, nothing but wait and they were sure nothing would come back on now until morning or at least until this dreadful weather eased up, which she was sure it had no intent on doing, at least for now.

They sat for what felt like hours listening the rain outside, listening to it batter and beat off the window and the wind that shook the class and made the rain beat harder. It was quite cosy, there was no denying, with the comfort that they had each other and no harm would come, just like it had been this morning.

Morgana rested her head against Arthur's shoulder and he stroked her hair affectionately. Morgana couldn't help but think back to yesterday, when everything was so wrong and she had been so broken, yet in a matter of hours she had picked herself back up to Arthur and now everything was perfect, she couldn't imagine what heartache felt like anymore.

She looked up to Arthur, not knowing why or how, just that she wanted to, sort of like a subconscious decision she had made momentarily. Even in the darkness his sapphire eyes seemed to sparkle, like when the sun would set on the sea, they were heavenly.

Arthur looked back at her, wondering why she was staring and now he wondered why he was staring back, at those large, emerald eyes that easily would have broken any man's heart, but not his, because she _was_ his, no more pain would be suffered.

"I should be getting home." Morgana said after a few moments, but she was cut off, not receiving a reply, instead receiving the tantalizing feeling of his warm lips pressed against hers. That had answered any comment about her going home.

His lips were warm, sweet and tempting, but it seemed all temptation had been given into, because she certainly wasn't pulling away, and neither was he. They both owed it to each other not to.

Morgana felt like she was a teenager again, doing something like this when she was bored, she was certainly living up to the stereotype. The rain was melodic now; they could barely hear it because it had been going on for so long it just felt perpetual.

She closed her eyes and held Arthur close to her, holding him against her like a prized possession, and he was, he was the most prized of all. She shifted herself up into a more comfortable position after a few moments, when she soon realised that this wasn't just going to be a sweet kiss before bedtime. Now she was closer to him, much closer, so much in fact that she was kneeling on the couch, with him between her, his hands around her back as his fingers laced over her glossy hair, bunching her ebony waves into knots, it only made the whole ordeal more exhilarating.

They had shared a moment in the early morning and late afternoon, but it had been nothing compared to this, because now all the innocence seemed to be gone, they were no longer boy and girl but man and woman, tasting and teasing each other in the darkness, yet still finding the whole aspect sinful and deceitful as though they were committing some sort of crime, yet they had every right now to act more like lovers than old friends.

Morgana no longer felt like she had to hold back, like she had done in her kitchen, when he was broken and hurt, because now the anchor that was Gwen had been shaken off, Arthur was hers now, no one would take him away.

Her mind seemed to wipe blank of everything, or every important thought and even where she was, because she soon realised none it mattered, nothing at all, nothing but Arthur.

This had been everything she ever wanted, him and only him and now it seemed everything for once was happening how she wanted it to.

There were short gasps and intakes of breath and every free chance they could, yet neither of the pair wanted to break away from something so perfect, for fear that it might end, that the moment would be lost and they'd resume sitting on the couch side by side again. In fact now the worst case scenario would be for the electric to come back on, although Morgana was sure she'd never notice if it did, because she was so consumed with Arthur.

Things had gotten heated in a matter of minutes, with every kiss and grasp of skin, they just wanted more; they were greedy with lust, with high feelings of pleasure and satisfaction, on a high that couldn't go down.

Arthur placed his arms tightly around her now, and held onto her as he got up from the chair; Morgana had her arms tight around his neck, holding him tightly as he lifted her and began walking for the door, their lips breaking apart for all of a second, although Arthur felt her smile within the kiss. It was strange how he knew his way without looking, every step up the staircase and which door to open to his room, but he found it.

Arthur threw Morgana onto the bed, and she groaned in satisfaction before she pulled his face back to hers and placed her lips back upon his, the soft tug and pull of never wanting to let go.

Things were more heated now, and lustrous, their bodies longing for the pleasure that was to ensue, impatient with lust, oblivious with passion. They began tearing each other's clothes off, the horrible downfall of breaking their lips apart for those short seconds, as she tore at his hair and he fisted his hands in hers.

"I should… call… Morgause…" Morgana muttered in-between breathes realising she should call her sister, before things got carried away, otherwise she'd have to face the fiery wrath of her in the morning.

"No…" Arthur grumbled, the thought of breaking away from Morgana whilst she chattered on the phone to her annoying sister, waiting for her to finish, it would drive him mad, if the desire to have her wasn't doing so already.

Morgana broke away from him immediately though, when she had realised something, before they got too far and it was too late.

"Ring her in the morning!" Arthur whined like an impatient boy.

"No…" Morgana shook her head, it was clear no one would be calling Morgause tonight.

She shifted her head as though it was the most obvious answer that Arthur should be thinking of. But he looked at her impatiently and made to pull her close to him again and clash his lips against hers but she stopped him, knowing if she met his lips again that would be it.

"Protection!" She belted out, just wishing he'd hurry before she all desire to commit this unlawful act slithered away.

"Oh…" Arthur looked disheartened. "I don't have any." He looked up to her again, realising that this was the most common answer she'd been searching for, and he could have kicked himself for not having any protection handy in his bedside drawer, yet he hadn't expected this to happen.

"Oh." Morgana looked disheartened now too, she had gotten worked up for a downer, the exhilarating feeling of kissing Arthur could no longer be, she was sure one thing would lead to another now. "Neither do I."

They stared at each other for a moment before they averted their eyes, feeling awkward and embarrassed. Neither of them wanted to risk the chances of Morgana getting pregnant, which would just be extremely idiotic. They had only just made up.

"Right… well…" Morgana finally pushed herself up into the bed and tugged the blankets around her, still slightly breathless from all the kissing. "I guess it's goodnight then."

"Yep." Arthur had to agree, climbing in beside her.

They both felt stupid, as she laid facing one side and him the other. Morgana still had her bra on, and her jeans, she thought about getting up and changing out of them but in fear of feeling stupider she resisted that idea. Arthur just lay in tracksuit bottoms, wanting to kick himself silly. Although in a few moments the desire to want each other would linger away, and sleep would come and in the morning it would all be forgotten.

Of course, Morgana tried to close her eyes, to sleep, but she couldn't- the yearning of desire and lust of wanting Arthur was keeping her awake, until she found herself on top of him again and muttering 'sod it' as her lips met his again, finally.

This was being stupid; she knew it was, in fact so much that her old high school nurse would be scolding her like a disobedient dog. But this was Arthur, one single night of passion and exhilarating lust couldn't do any harm, could it?

Nothing mattered anymore, and Arthur knew he should be in a better position to talk her out of it, but her lips were crashing so fiercely against his he could barely breathe, and soon the idea had completely slipped out of their minds, greed, lust and oblivion had taken over once more, like the sound of the perpetual rain.

_**A/N**_

**Hello everyone! :) Thanks for your lovely reviews, they mean the world! I know this chapter is more fluff really than anything else, but I hope you're happy that it's just Arthur and Morgana for once! No Merlin getting in the way! ;) Much more will happen in the next chapters; I just felt I needed to do a nice Arthur and Morgana chapter for once, since normally there's something heavy looming. I promise the next chapter will be packed with drama! :D And any suggestions are welcome via review or PM! Please R&R! The more the faster the update! :) Love you all! 3**


	11. Chapter 11 The Moment of Truth

**Chapter 11**

_**The moment of Truth**_

The next few weeks were calm and normal for a change. Both Arthur and Morgana were happy that things seemed to have settled, it made a change from recent weeks and past days.

Morgana had brought back Morgause's car, explaining her situation, one her sister wasn't best pleased with. Morgause had also shouted and yelled at Morgana the moment she saw her, and promised her if she ever made a wrong move of robbing her car again she'd run over her. Arthur had followed her there in his own car and taken her back home with him again, thus leaving Morgause is a worse mood than before, but she wasn't going to offer _him_ a place to stay again.

Morgana wasn't sure what she and Arthur had now, whether it was as far as a true relationship, since they hadn't exactly told anyone or said anything of that context out loud. Now it consisted of her lying around in his house, she had moved a small collection of her things into his room yet it wasn't enough to clarify she had moved in entirely. On odd nights she would go home and they would leave each other, but it would normally end when Arthur would call to her house instead and stay there. This had been going on a while, and only now did Morgana realise that the prospect of what they were doing seemed somewhat silly, yet she was in no state to want to question it, fearing it might annoy Arthur for reasons she couldn't understand herself.

There was one small glitch that Morgana realised coming through to Arthur in his living room one Sunday afternoon, that Uther had not been made aware of recent goings on. Obviously, Arthur's father could be spared all the gory details, but he did in fact still believe Arthur was still engaged to Guinevere, he also did not know she was pregnant with his previous best friend's child, nor did he know Arthur was now with Morgana.

Uther had been away to a small island off the west coast of Spain for the past month or so, he had stated to everyone that it was all business orders, yet Arthur was positive he had taken at least two of those weeks for holiday purposes. Yet he claimed to Arthur that he did not in fact want to go to begin with, but being a manager of a high office boring work firm involved him making sacrifices, it normally ended in an argument about him wanting to retire and to pass his job to Arthur, and he would not be best pleased to find his son had been escaping work duties lately to spend time with Morgana.

"Uther comes back on Tuesday." Morgana said swiftly as she sat down next to him on the cold leather sofa, pushing a mug full of piping hot tea into his hand.

"Yes, he does." Arthur mumbled, not seeming the smallest bit interested about seeing his father from the long absence, he was somewhat enthralled however on yesterday's football highlights which were flashing up on screen.

Morgana made a little bit of a face, not that he'd see it; he was more concerned about who had scored or who was top of the league or some nonsense like that.

"Well I'm sure he missed you too." Morgana replied, her comment dripping with sarcasm that she was sure he wouldn't pick up, she'd be surprised to notice he was even listening to her.

Arthur grunted something she couldn't comprehend, more so shooing her to be quiet whilst he watched the television.

"I broke the dishwasher." Morgana lied, trying to get his attention. "I dented your car this morning too with the lawnmower." She tried again, spilling out a long concoction of lies to try to get some reaction other than a 'Humph' or a grunt.

"I smashed your car window last night too, you know." She smirked, whilst he continued to push her off with small yes's to appease her. "And I think I spilt bleach on all those important work documents in your office when I was washing the bathroom earlier."

She set her cup down, but he didn't budge and slowly moved closer to him, her smirk remained upon her lips.

"I deleted all those work pro formas off your laptop." She tried again, but he frowned and motioned her to be quiet with his hand. "And then I just broke your laptop." She shrugged, crawling up on him like some hungered lioness.

"And I'm pregnant too." She huffed out finally; unamused that he hadn't even glanced at her once. This game was getting boring, and now she was considering going and doing all things she said.

"What?" Arthur said, suddenly alerted by her last comment, taken off guard now to how close she was to him, she was practically on his knee.

"You're pregnant?" He uttered out, seeming somewhat disgruntled and alarmed, his face pulled into an awful befuddlement that didn't compliment his handsome face at all.

Morgana let a small snigger escape her lips, placing both her hands on either side of his face to pull it closer to hers.

"No, silly." She muttered, and she could have sworn she felt him sigh with relief when his lips met her own. It seemed her lies had worked in catching his attention.

There was not a moment she did not hunger his enticing lips, it seemed he was a drug she had abruptly got herself addicted to, yet she did not mind in the slightest- _how could she?_

Suddenly now, the television didn't seem so interesting to Arthur, he was never going to turn a moment like this down, moments he shared often with Morgana. Silly things of football were not important anymore, the only thing that was important right now was how he seemed to be totally swept up by Morgana, consumed by her in a sweet glorious bliss that he had never shared with Guinevere, yet even thinking of her now and her betrayal was so utterly idiotic.

Nothing was as satisfying as tasting her sweet honeyed lips as they crashed against his, in a captivating motion that made him curl his finger around her and pull her closer to him. His tongue plundered her mouth, tasting the sweet tantalizing radiance that was her, and it seemed she was just as pleased he had not dared pulled away, he feared he might not even get away now anyway, when she wanted something she made sure she always got it.

He could feel every swell and curve of her body, and touch the soft pallet of her skin and the smooth texture of her hair, he could allow her to captivate him in this rather bruising kiss that he was sure would lead to something more if he had not heard a knock at his door.

Morgana heard the knock too, but she ignored it; how could they possibly stop now? She wouldn't allow Arthur to taunt her so, the sweet caress of his touch and the heavenly feel of his lips against hers, she wanted more and more as they lingered on, to stop now would be a complete and utter disappointment and tease. Arthur was preoccupied at the moment, whoever had the audacity to knock at his door would have to leave and come back another time when Morgana was finished with him, when she had got what she wanted. Yet it seemed this time she'd have to feel the harsh rejection of 'no', since the person knocked again and again.

Arthur managed to free himself from the lock she had on his lips, yet he didn't want to pull away, and the moment he did he found himself yearning back, until his lips were on hers once again; it seemed that to get up and answer the door to that rude person knocking would be a complete disaster, he wanted Morgana now.

However the knocking didn't cease and he had to go through the horrible feeling of pulling away from her once again, leaving him yearning for more of her.

"No." Morgana groaned out before she pulled his lips back to hers, Arthur was _not_ getting up to answer the door, he was staying her with her, to consume her and rapture her in his light touches and gentle caresses, and she knew fine well if he got up to answer the door and come back the moment would be lost, and she wouldn't feel as exhilarated as she did now, instead just a high feeling of disappointed and discontentment, and then she'd huff with Arthur for not letting her have her way.

Arthur groaned again against her lips as someone began knocking at the window; _who was that awfully annoying person that would just not go away? _Morgana was glad she had drawn the curtains, feeling it would have been incredibly embarrassing if the intruder saw her perched on Arthur kissing him so heatedly, especially if it had of been Merlin.

"I know you're in there, your cars here." Merlin called through the letter box and Morgana had never wanted to slap someone so much in all her life. Merlin, she should have known, being with Arthur was almost like being with Merlin too most of the time, he was always here, and although she enjoyed his company sometimes she just wanted Arthur and he prevented that from happening, very much like he was preventing _this_ from happening.

Morgana pulled herself off Arthur and Arthur got up to answer the door, not best pleased with his best friend who had once again come at the wrong time.

"What is it _Merlin_?" Arthur snapped viciously when he opened the door, and as usual Merlin just pranced in with an oblivious grin.

Morgana barely had time to fix herself, it seemed there little make out session had been turning into something more, and she was surprised it wasn't obvious to Merlin what they had been doing.

"So, what took you so long so answer?" Merlin asked Arthur as he made his way through to the living room, to find Morgana on the couch, in a rather odd sitting position, looking extremely guilty and her lips seemed very red and swollen, not to mention she seemed rather fidgety.

"We wanted to see the end of that film…" Arthur scratched the back of his head awkwardly, waiting for Merlin to realise, and he did.

"Oh I see." Merlin said with a coy grin, "Was I interrupting something?" He shot Morgana a sly grin before giving Arthur the same look, looking between them both with a playful smirk.

"-Tea, Merlin!" Morgana said immediately, glad she had finally said something to escape the awkward tension that was growing, Arthur certainly wasn't going to admit what they were up to and neither was she. "I'll make you some tea." She muttered hopping up from the chair and skittered into the kitchen, complete embarrassment washing over her; still, she managed to slip Arthur a flirtatious smirk. She'd give Arthur some payback later for teasing in such a cruel way; of course he never seemed to mind her payback.

Arthur however slapped Merlin on the back and told him to 'Shut up' before he sat back down on the chair, Merlin sitting on the armchair to watch television.

"Oh yeah Merlin, _why are you here?_" Arthur asked and it was clear in his tone he had still not forgiven his friend.

"I dunno." Merlin shrugged watching the TV. "I was bored."

"_You were-_" Arthur made a face, scowling at his friend in disbelief, before he grunted some low profanity that Merlin just ignored. Morgana chuckled to herself at the pair.

…

Morgana lay in bed that night; Arthur's bed naturally. Waiting for him to mount the stairs to her, he had told her he'd be up in a minute, after he finished some overdue work assignments which he wasn't that bothered about, yet Uther was due home soon and he wanted his father to believe he had been doing _something_ whilst he was away.

Morgana however sighed, realising how bored she suddenly was, in this dark room waiting for Arthur before she would finally feel content enough to fall asleep. However now she found herself in a sitting position, and then out of the bed entirely and wandering into the en suite bathroom of Arthur's room.

She pulled the light string and immediately the room was illuminated with the fan beginning to bellow loudly. Her feet were cold against the tiles, but it mattered little to her as she lifted her 'overnight' bag, which seemed quite a stupid thing to call it since she'd lived off the thing for longer than one night.

Morgana rummaged through the little purple leather bag, hearing deodorant cans and empty toothpaste tubes rattle together, her fingers grazed over a box, one she was unfamiliar with. So, she tugged the little cardboard box out of the bag and looked at it, to discover it was just a box of tampons. She threw the box back into her bag again and resumed searching for her toothbrush before her fingers finally clasped around the blue plastic brush, stuck at the very bottom of the bag.

She began brushing her teeth casually as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, watching the white mint foam from her mouth. She brought her eyes away to look around the bathroom, seeing most of Arthur's laundry on the floor, mixed with some of hers; she looked at the details of the little blue flowers etched into the tiles on the wall, before her eyes fell upon the calendar on the back of the bathroom door.

Suddenly, Morgana brought the toothbrush away from her mouth; her brows furrowed the smallest bit as she neared the calendar to look at the date. Today was the 14th of December, it was no big deal really; she didn't know why she suddenly felt strange though, she didn't know why but oddly a very bad feeling washed over her.

She shook it off entirely, rinsing her mouth out before she lifted the bag to tuck her toothbrush back in, when she noticed _that_ box again. That's when it clicked.

The tampon box had been lying in her bag for a number of weeks now, and it was brand new and unopened. She smiled to herself however, more out of disbelief. It hadn't been in her bag more than a month, surely.

She'd been staying in Arthur's a while, but not that long she was sure. Her eyes were brought back to the Calendar on the wall. If she remembered rightly she came to Arthur's around the beginning of November, if not the middle. And if she checked rightly her menstruation was supposed to begin around the beginning of the month, so that meant she was almost two weeks late.

"Morgana?"

Morgana jumped back from the door and took a small intake of breathe, she had forgotten about Arthur.

"Hurry up, you've been in there ages!"

Morgana furrowed her brows a little, she was brought back to the present now, everything seemed more real, she couldn't ignore the fluttery feeling of anxiety within her.

"Coming…" She muttered, before she tucked her bag back into the cupboard.

There was absolutely no way she could be pregnant. The idea was almost laughable. Morgana wasn't the type of girl to be reckless in that department, so there was simply no way she was harbouring a baby in her womb at present. Morgana felt instantly sick, as though she might throw up at any second. And that only triggered more realisations. A little over a week ago she'd vomited three mornings in a row, and Arthur had assured her it was his awful cooking. But it hadn't been, had it?

Of course it had been, Arthur was an awful cook, and anyone would throw up eating his meals. Yet he seemed fine after it, and so did Merlin... No, no- it was stupid and silly and just hilarious that she might even consider the idea of her being pregnant.

Morgana caught her reflection again and let out a nervous laugh.

Maybe she'd buy a pregnancy test just to be sure, but there was really nothing to be worried about, because, she was certainly not pregnant. Girls were late all the time, this was normal.

So, she opened the door and pulled the light off, before climbing into bed beside Arthur. She knew she couldn't be _pregnant_, but that didn't stop the strong feeling of worry, or make the horrible feeling in her stomach disappear.

"Are you alright?" Arthur let out a small laugh of confusion at Morgana, who had just crept from the bathroom rather quickly and into bed, without saying a word.

"Fine." She muttered, as she snuggled against his chest. She didn't feel much like giving him payback for earlier now. Now all she wanted was for him to chase her fears away, but she couldn't tell him, could she? Not without ruining everything they had in the process.

Arthur said little; although he was sure something was up with her. Yet, he knew better than to press on it, instead he just rested his chin against her hair and stroked her long raven locks affectionately. Everything would be alright.

…

"You're up early." Arthur yawned and stretched as he caught sight of a fully dressed Morgana lingered by the window, he turned his head to the clock, his eyesight still fuzzy from sleep, but he still managed to work out that it was 8:15 in the morning.

"Yes…" Morgana turned and looked at him, to see he was finally up. She was going to call him soon anyway; otherwise he'd be late for work. "I just wasn't tired, is all."

Arthur groaned and took advantage of the extra room, slumping over on his side as he closed his eyes again.

"You need to get up now, for work." Morgana said, sounding quite timid. She needed to stop acting that way, Arthur would notice.

"I'll go make you some coffee, come on." She shot him a chirpy smile and left the room, her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest and she felt as though she might throw up at any second.

However, she managed to swallow the lump in her throat and concentrate on the smaller things, like Arthur and his coffee. So, she went downstairs and put the kettle on, waiting for it to brew as she sat down and tried distracting herself with the newspaper before her. She tried to take in the words she read, but it wasn't working, she didn't care about the robbery on Farthing Lane, or the price increase on mortgages, she had her own problems to deal with.

Thankfully the kettle had boiled, and she'd made some coffee for Arthur just as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning." She shot him a rather forced smile, setting his coffee down on the table as he sat down still doing up his tie.

"I don't get it." He yawned again. "Why are you up?" He groaned scratching his head.

"I told you, I couldn't sleep." She told him before he finished, trying to look away from his gaze. She was failing at this miserably. Merlin was right, she wasn't a good actress.

"Morgana, what's the matter? You're acting… weird." He made a strange face as he pulled up his tie.

"What?" Morgana let out a small laugh. "Nothing… Why?" She tried again.

"Well, for one you seem all… jittery and two _you're up_!" He said finally, unable to understand how Morgana Le Fay was standing before him before noon.

Morgana let out a small laugh as he took the coffee to his lips; Arthur often had a way of taking her mind off things, perhaps that was why she always came to him with her nightmares?

"Normally you're begging me to stay in bed with you." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you want to know the truth?" She made a teasing face, feeling that she now felt more comfortable lying to him now he seemed to be in a joking mood. Yet the idea of lying to him at all made her want to slap herself, Guinevere had lied to Arthur, Morgana promised herself she never would, yet who was the hypocrite now?

"What?" Arthur stood up and neared her, sensing the joking and sensual atmosphere which was lingering.

"I just couldn't bear to lie in bed without you." She said more quietly now, because she was staring up intently to his marvellous face, and his arms seemed to curl around her and pull her close to him, right where she belonged.

Arthur brought his lips to her for all of a few moments before he uttered out some words.

"I could always stay…" He smirked, before his lips managed to touch hers once again, and move in small motion with them before she batted him off.

And it really did take everything in her to push him away, she didn't want to. She wanted nothing more than to stay here all day with him and make sweet love to him, but he _had_ to go, and she _needed_ him gone.

"Go!" She whined, making it clear she didn't want him to go, but they both knew he had to.

"I don't want Uther to be blaming _me_ for his son's sudden downfall at work."

"It's impossible for me to _downfall_." He told her. "Unless I'm falling down on a bed." He smirked, stealing another quick kiss. "With you."

"Go, Arthur!" She laughed again, slapping him with the newspaper as she lifted the mug of coffee he had just drained. "I'll still be here when you get back."

"You better be, I need something to get me through a boring day." He teased, before he grabbed his jacket and car keys and made for the door.

"I'll see you later." And then she finally heard the door bang shut, she could do little but sigh with relief. But not for long, because now she needed to venture out to the shops and buy a pregnancy test, and then she'd know for sure.

…

The cold, morning air hit her like a thousand knives, stabbing her cold and bare skin as she stepped out onto the doorstep.

Morgana had a coat, a hat, gloves and a scarf on, as well as a jumper on underneath, but nothing could prepare her for this terrible winter chill. Of course, the cold of winter could not bother her now, not when she had bigger problems.

The shops weren't far away, she'd walk. Even if the first had caused some ice, it was nothing she couldn't handle, it would take her longer if she drove anyway; stuck in early morning traffic and then trying to find a parking space so close to Christmas. So, she made her way down the path and out of the gate, before almost banging into a blonde haired woman strolling down the pavement.

"Sorry…" The woman muttered, before walking on, with two small children holding both her hands.

Morgana smiled and brushed it off, telling her not to worry. The little girl looked back at her, and stared. That woman was a mother, taking her children to school. That could be Morgana in a few years, walking her children along on cold frosty mornings, hand in hand.

She shuddered. The idea simply petrified her, and made her feel sicker than she already did, as well as a strange twinge in the pit of her stomach.

However, she brushed it over to the back of her mind, it might not be her yet, she needed to find out still.

So, Morgana went on to town, to the nearest clinic, to buy a pregnancy test, without anyone she knew seeing her, before she'd run home to take it. What happened after that was unsure, that was the part that scared her.

…

Why were there _so_ many pregnancy tests? Morgana was unsure of which one to choose, because all of them claimed they were the most accurate. But didn't they all determine the one result? It didn't matter which one she got, she just needed to make sure the answer was the right one. She didn't want to be falsely relieved or stupidly panicked with wrong results. She needed closure on this little bump on the road. Seemingly bump was the wrong word to use.

Morgana lifted one, which seemed to look good enough. It had a green box, with a picture of a gurgling baby of the front, however the added image was just patronizing to her at this time. So she put it back and lifted another, plain brown box with a rattling test inside, however it didn't seem to look as nice as the other one, or as fancy as the silver box gleaming at her on the shelf too, and the more she thought about it, they all looked rather good, but which was the best? '_Fastest and most accurate result.'_ One read, with big bold letters. '_Determine how far along you are in a matter of minutes_!' Read another in sparkling gold font.

Morgana sighed, she hated this. Why couldn't she just pick one and be done with it? So, to put herself out of her misery, she ended up lifting a number of twelve different tests. It didn't bother her that this would cost a small fortune, or that she'd probably have a hard time hiding all these boxes in the bathroom bin, all that mattered to her now was that she got an answer, an accurate one.

She awkwardly strolled to the counter, hoping no one would raise a brow over this, and praying she didn't run into anyone.

The cashier was a tall woman, with short brown hair and a furrowed brow. Yet her furrowed brow was because of what Morgana had just set before her.

"Oh…" Morgana fumbled out, feeling she had to do some explaining, what if this girl was the friend of a friend? She didn't want everyone finding out about this, least of all Arthur.

"F-Family planning clinic. We're doing a test on tests, see." Morgana gave an innocent shrug and shot a sweet smile, as the woman nodded with a smile in return. That was believable, right?

Finally Morgana held a white paper bag full tests that would determine her future. The outcome of these would either make her or break her. It might be the end of her and Arthur, or just the beginning. One little test held the answer to so many things, which was why she could waste no time at all.

…

She could barely get home quick enough, when she shoved the key in the door and fumbled into Arthur's house. Realising it would have been a better option to go home to her own house and do these. Yet, she hadn't thought of that, and Arthur was out anyway, she wouldn't be caught. She'd quickly do the test and then destroy all evidence, after finally sitting down to determine what she'd do, if the answer was the one she least wanted to hear.

Morgana tugged her gloves off, and her hat and scarf, before throwing her coat down on the sofa, lifting the white paper bag she walked up to the en-suite bathroom, where her things where. Her stomach flipped, and she felt as though she might be sick, although she was in the right place if she felt the sudden urge.

Morgana closed the bathroom door, and opened one of the tests. It had rolls of paper folded around it- _instructions_. Didn't you just pee on a stick?

And so she did. And after a few moments, a line of white sticks lay on the counter, as she waited for each of them to determine an answer.

This was truly the most petrifying time of her life, she wanted to start bawling her head off in a panic, and beg for it to stop. She wanted to make herself calm down but that was impossible. Every second that passed felt like a minute, and this would be the only time where she could act oblivious. There might or might not be a foetus growing in her womb, but the idea that something was _growing_ within her scared her out of her wits.

She didn't have a mother, not long enough to know what one was like and when she moved in with Arthur at the delicate age of ten, all she had was a father figure, yet still no mother. How was she expected to _be_ a mother if she hadn't known what one was like? Morgause had been the closest thing to a mother she knew, but by the time she got around to being close to her, all her growing was done and she'd learnt most of her life lessons.

Morgana knew she'd most likely be the worst mother in history; she had never been around children because she simply had no need to be. What would she do if these answers were positive? She'd have to suck it up and accept it. Right after she finished of course with her mental breakdown, as well as after she told Arthur. The worst was yet to come, she was sure of it.

Morgana swallowed whatever little pride she had left, and lifted a gleaming white test, with a small plastic screen to determine the answer.

A small plus sign was etched right into the white card, and she let out a spluttering sob. The second was the same, and the third and the fourth, and before she realised she had run out of tests, all reading the same result.

She was indeed, pregnant.

All of a sudden it felt as though her entire world was crashing down on top of her. She'd ruined everything over one, stupid, reckless mistake. Now she was sure Arthur would go utterly crazy the moment he found out, he might not leave her but that would merely mean he was _forced_ to stay with her. She saw how he was willing to stay with Guinevere after she'd cheated on him, merely because she'd claimed she was having his child. All those lies Guinevere had pushed on him about a baby and now it was happening to Morgana, only she wasn't lying. On top of all that, she didn't want this baby, she hadn't planned it so the idea of being a mother petrified her. Finally, Arthur hadn't even made it clear she was even his girlfriend, he'd never uttered those words and when she brought up the topic he steered her away carelessly and without her realising. What if he had no intention of staying with her? What if he was going to break her just like before? Even if he had promised, even if she put everything in her to believe him, it could quite quickly be broken.

"Morgana?" She heard Arthur's voice sound through the door. Through her blind panic she hadn't noticed the door sounding and Arthur entering his home and shuffling up the stairs.

Not to mention she was sobbing quite loudly, something else she failed to notice as she scrambled to get some composure.

"Morgana, what're you doing?" Arthur asked, his voice was curious and a worried, she could already tell before she looked at him that his brow would be furrowed.

"Nothing, nothing." She said quickly, but he voice was thick was tears, how would she talk herself out of this one?

Arthur went to open the door and barge in, but she'd locked it. Now he shook the door, wanting in to see what the hell she was doing.

"Morgana, let me in! What's wrong!" He called through to her, but she was in too quick of a scramble pushing all the tests inside her purple overnight bag, as well as the boxes, where she knew he wouldn't look. She'd have to get rid of them later.

"Nothing Arthur, it's fine." She muttered out, but the more she spoke the more tears rolled down her cheeks, the more she felt like sobbing, the more her heart felt as though it might rip through her chest.

"Morgana come out here now!" He sounded angry, and with good reason. She was upset, and he wanted to know why. Not angry at her of course, but because she was more concerned of locking herself away than to come to him.

"Arthur-" Morgana sighed, there was no getting rid of him. He wouldn't leave knowing she was sobbing hysterically in a bathroom alone. Why was he home so early anyway?

With no clue of what she was going to tell him, or how she was going to explain this situation, Morgana mustered up all the bravery she could, before she unlocked the door and opened it.

And there Arthur was, of course his brow was furrowed. He didn't understand, how could he? Morgana's eyes were red and blotchy, and there was no denying whatever kind of state she was in, or had gotten herself into.

She went to walk past him, like nothing had happened and everything was fine, but it wasn't, was it?

She felt his arm barricade around her stomach, before he pulled her close to him.

"Why're you crying?" Arthur asked, as his hands cupped her face so she had no choice but to look directly at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked, pushing a strand of her raven locks out of her eyes, looking affectionately and calmly into her tear drenched eyes. "Tell me what it is."

Morgana had no idea what she was going to tell him. Why could she be crying? She could voice her fears now, in hopes that Arthur would make them go away, but this foetus was growing within her, with each passing minute it grew a tiny bit more, she couldn't ignore it.

Morgana could tell him now and be done with it, have it over with. So, she opened her mouth to speak to voice the words…

"I… I… had a nightmare." She muttered out, wanting to kick herself when she did. Her nightmares plagued her, that part was true and believable, but she hated lying to that perfect face before her.

Arthur furrowed his brow; normally she would only cry waking out of the monstrous dream, not hours after it, what was its content?

"It was… It was about my father." She sobbed, but the sobs were not over her dead father, they were about the baby she'd mother in nine months, these sobs were about her lies to her beloved.

In an instant, Arthur pulled her closer to his chest where she could bury her head in his shoulder and just simply cry. Although he did not know that her tears were over a new life and not a death.

"It's alright…" He whispered softly to her. This explained everything. Why she was up so early and acting so strange.

"I'm here." The thought of leaving her like this earlier, when he was oblivious to her sorrow, made him want to kick himself. He hated the thought of her feeling so alone, crying to herself, why had she not come to him?

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, stroking her hair as he held her close.

"It was nothing…" She muttered out, her head against his chest, hearing the peaceful sound of his beating heart.

"It is when you're like this." He concluded, "There's nothing you can't tell me." He whispered, he needed her to know that he was here for her no matter what.

"Nothing at all, you know that- don't you?" He cupped her face again, and spoke directly to her, looking into her tear glazed eyes.

She nodded timidly, before pulling away. How could she lie to him? She was a monster for doing it. But she needed him, telling him would make him venture away she was sure of it.

"Why're you home?" She asked, wiping her nose with a tissue she had screwed up in her hand, happy to change the subject at least.

"I forgot the work pro-formas I made last night." Arthur told her, as she did anything but meet his gaze.

"But I'm not going back now; I'll get Merlin to run them over later." Arthur told her, knowing Merlin would do as Arthur said, after he forced him of course.

"Arthur…" Morgana looked at him and sighed, he didn't have to stay now because she had been crying.

"Morgana, I'm not leaving you like this." Arthur told him immediately. "Look, it'll be fine." He threw in one of his sweet half smiles, and pulled her against him again, where she belonged.

"And my work is having a Christmas ball on Thursday night, you're coming." He told her, knowing that at the end of every year his work had a staff-do, and he was obliged to take a guest, normally everyone just took their other half, or a close friend. Merlin would obviously have to come too, or else he'd huff with Arthur over it.

Morgana nodded against him. Knowing that she'd have to work up the courage to tell him the truth sooner or later, but for now she was content being held here against him. She'd tell him before the work-do, that was a promise.

_**A/N**_

**Wow, so I haven't updated in a while! Sorry, I've been busy with school and everything but I'm off now, which means more updates! Yay! I just want to thank Gemma (bittersweetlove94) for helping me so much with this story. I mean, I've annoyed her so much, asking her small things and she helped me out a great deal when I was stuck, she was also kind enough to read over it for me! So, love you long time, kay? Okay- and thank you to everyone for the kind reviews! Keep them up! Feedback means a great deal to me! More drama commences in future chapters! **

**Love you all! :D x**


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